In our lives there are relationships that challange us, whether it be with a parent, a sibling or a friend. For me it has been with mom. I can see all the pot holes that we both have had to step in, step around or jump over. I can cry over the pain and laugh at many of the memories. I see the obstacles that were placed before both of us by people in our lives.
We originate from 2 different cultures. Her life went from one of privilege to one of war. My life although as a child was chaotic, as far as I knew...it was one of privilege. My mother was a hard worker, working outside the home her entire life. She never felt sorry for herself, always denied any heart ache or depression over what life dishes out. In her world, you get up, you go to work, you come home, feed your family, go to bed, get up go to work...on and on. In my world I get up, think about how I feel, go to work, think about how I feel, come home, think about how I feel, feed the family, think about how I feel, go to bed and think about how I feel...on and on...
Our parents believed they did good by us if there was a roof over our heads and food on the table. We believe, we did good by our children if there is a roof over their heads, food on the table, if they feel good about themselves and if they are happy.
I laugh that it has taken me until I reached my 50's and my mother within reach of her 80's to understand that she really does care about if I am happy...but in her own way.
My house is filled with orchids. She purchased them and drove them 13 hours so they could be in my home. She knew that the blossoms would last during the winter months when all is cold and dreary outside.
For sure our relationship is complicated and I am under no illusions about a sudden bolt of understanding for all things that are me...but I am beginning to see the messages that she writes between her actions that say "I love you." And although she has not changed, I have and I see her in a clearer light.
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