Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion

model's size.

But when I start to tell them,

They think I'm telling lies.

I say,

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally,

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Maya Angelou

I find that the time I spend with women is one of adventure.  Add a man to the mix and the adventure gets kicked up a notch.  When women get together and they come with open hearts, it is amazing what can happen.  The world as we know it expands with the female capacity to listen, feel and share.  

I find I am a much better friend and wife to my husband because I feel safe to bring my complete female energy to the relationship.  He is not threatened by the female energy but flexes and absorbs the energy.

It is in relationship with women that I learn about myself and what I am willing to share, that makes me a better person.

The Soul Of A Dog

I am reading a book by the author Jon Katz named, "The Soul of a Dog."  It is a wonderful peek into the lives of the animals that share his home and farm.  In one chapter he talks about Elvis, a steer who has become an unlikely pet.  In a study done at one of the local university vet programs the professor talked about the possible evolutionary process that might be occuring when "man" makes a non-human a pet.

So, you ask what does this have to do with Julie's dog Nala?  Well according to this professor the tendency for humans is to attach our own thought processes and emotions to animals.  It is in this way that we feel love.  When we believe that our animals feel the same way we do, have the same responses to relationships and love...then to have the animals in our lives give us unconditional love is soooo wonderful.  We are healthier, happier, deal with stress better and are more motivated. 

Now we come to Elivs, the steer.  The 2 other steers on the farm totally ignore Jon.  They have no relationship with humans, they do not get the cause and effect of hay and human.  But, Elvis does.  It might be that Jon saw something different in Elvis and so began to treat him differently...or it may be that Elvis was different.  What ever the reason Elvis looks for Jon, calls to him when he wants something to eat...according to the professor this is how animals move up the evolutionary chain.  Elvis's offspring may also have relationships with humans.

There is one bear who has been able to open every single bear proof garbage container.  The container company acutally takes their latest and greatest bear proof can to this particular park to have it tested and so far...this one bear, can open them all.  Now they are watching to see if her off spring will be able to accomplish the feat.  She and potentially her cubs are moving up the evolutionary steps of bears.

Oh yeah...Julie's dog Nala.  Does the photo not speak for itself.  Nala has moved up her families evolutionary chain.  A dog who no longer sleeps on the floor (there are millions of dogs who have already evolved to bed sleepers) next she will ask for the remote control and breakfast in bed! (you can tell she is already dreaming it!)

The View

Keeping focused on the view will make your life richer than focusing on the limitations.  It is easier to keep the limitations in the fore front because they usually are easier to understand.  Concrete.  Limited.  Defined. But if you accept the outline as all there is, the possibilites are lost.

Yesterday while walking with a friend she said, "If I live to 85 years old, I only have 30 more summers to enjoy, 30 more springs to enjoy the Irises."  It was stunning in it's limitation.  It was defined.  But...it got me thinking.  Can I see that possibility?  No. 

Mainly because I don't know how many summers or springs I have and there is so much that can fill a year, month, week, day, hour, minute and second.  I don't want to miss a second of shear ectasy. 

I believe that the single span of time that it took to think...I have only 30 more summers...may have caused me to miss a moment of shear bliss!

Patients or Patience

My career is perfect for me.  I am paid to talk (my dad would get a kick out of that).  I get to people watch (my all time favorite thing). It changes every day, so I am rarely bored.  I earn a great salary for the local economy and I am needed

Sometimes though, I get the scary patient.  I find that with certain patients it is like watching a scary movie.  Scary movies are my least favorite but when there is a good one, it makes me want to pee.

I will get up several times during the movie because the tension is so incredible that I have to pee...and if I get to the bathroom and suddenly don't feel like I have to pee, I do anyway to make the trip worth while.  Once when I saw Jurassic Park for the first time I left the theater 4 times!  My older son finally came out looking for me and I was hanging out in the lobby killing time, in case I was gonna have to pee! LOL

So when I get the scary patient I also feel the need to pee.  The scary patient isn't necessarily scary in a dangerous way (they could be) but for me the scary patient is one with a med list a mile long followed by an allergy list that makes you wonder how they live on this planet.  They are the ones who's every waking moment is filled with fear, stress, anger and you are trapped in a small room where you must make them feel safe....then you have to pee.

I wonder what would happen if the scary patient had to first listen to your worries...but there it is...with the patient...you need to be patience.

Julie/Julia/Annie

OK, I know I am somewhat challenged in the cooking area...but I do make great granola and this year a stack of jam...but scones...%^*&

I have to say that if I had 5 people...yes 5...count them, sitting on my kitchen floor giving me a hand with my scones, they may have turned out!

I did buy organic mix scones but was stumped by the requirement of a pastry blender...what the hey is that? So I called my sister who is a premier baker that could make Julia weep in her grave. She described it and it sounded familiar but looking through the cavernous utensil drawer...which included a sushi tool, pizza cutter, rolling pin, various spatulas (I have a spatula fetish and still haven't found a favorite), turkey lifter (be you can't guess what that is), a mallet (looks like a murder weapon) ginger grater, 2 cheese graters, thongs, thermometer, apple corer, cherry pitter and a pile of odds and ends that really don't belong in there...but no pastry thing-a-ma-gig. She said I could us a spoon or fork.

Now you would think using a box mix there could be no failure. NOT. Although not as pretty as the ones my sister makes, they were lightly brown on the bottom and looked edible.

Fast forward to this morning. I serve up my scones to Greg and Connor...a little doughy you say? So what to do...what would any modern day cook do...I nuked them. Now I know that nuking something after baking really makes not sense but what really makes no sense is that after nuking they still tasted doughy, not dry and flaky like my sisters!

Although we all ate one, it was not satisfying...nor did it have the fabulous fresh baked taste. Greg suggested putting them back in the oven??? I decided that to make them flaky I would back them on my pizza tile...well...pizza-scones...both start with flour right?

Amazingly, although totally browned...they still tasted doughy...(*&^%

I'm gonna make me some granola so I can feel good today.

He Said..She Said....What???

This week I have witnesses several events where you have to look below the conversation to really get what is going on. Whether it is frustrations with work, interactions with neighbors or conversations on email. You really have to look between the letters, between the words and between the sentences to understand what is going on...she said what???? he said what????

I have to be careful because I want to know more about what is going on in-between than what is being said. It is important for me to really listen because left to my own devices all I'll hear is yada, yada, yada on the surface but the richness is the stuff between and that isn't really fair to the person who is expressing themselves.

What I know is that this ability or curse comes from my childhood. There were 2 languages spoken in my household. Due to the climate of the times my parents wanted us to assimilate into American society, as quickly and quietly as possible. So the second language was not taught and it was expected that conversations would be in English. But as humans need to converse in their comfort language, the second language which I did not know was spoken frequently when my father was not around. So started my education in reading between the lines, reading body language and over time even though I did not know a word of the language, I began to understand the conversation. Then the understanding of the conversation translated to understanding intent between the conversation....confusing huh!

I do love people watching, I have no problems being stuck at an airport, give me a volatile meeting and my brain is firing like the 4th of July fireworks display.

The things that I have heard this week have fascinated me, because...sure on a work and social level it is interesting but if we as a human race could really understand what is going on with each other, would there be so much negative use of personal energy? Or do we require the negative energy around us, is it useful in a opposite kind of way, does it provide the frame work to understand the good in the world???

For me I can only allow so much negative ions floating around me...but I am interested in understanding it when it does float into my world.

What's Not To Love????

One of my more irritating traits is the fact that I worry. I was born and raised to worry. My early childhood was sporadic, not through any ones fault but it was life at that time. Traveling as a baby to another country, having my mother in and out of hospitals, cared for by strangers...well it makes you hyper vigilant and a worrier.

So for things that are close to my heart I spend more time worrying about...knowing my mother does not care for dogs, thinks they are a waste of time and basically has no use for them. With that said she is no longer MIA but showed up in town yesterday. The scene...dinner at my house...Enzo's first meeting with his grandma. Although the first thing she asked was, "Why did you get a dog?" to which I made no comment, because I knew this dog was going to win her heart. So during dinner he laid at her feet, licking her toes which made her giggle. Then she gave him a pat. Then as he feel asleep on his back with himself exposed she covered him with her napkin?! laughing?!

What's not to love????

In The Blink Of An Eye

In the blink of an eye your life can change. So I ask myself, if tomorrow my life ends up being totally different, what do I want today to be like? I think that a lot of us get caught up in the daily agenda, anger and worries but would we live today with a different outlook if we knew tomorrow may not happen?

I remember being told that no one shows up at the pearly gates saying, "boy, I wish I had worked more." "I wish I had spent more time cleaning my toilets!"

These muses have been a part of my process to decide how I want my life to be lived. There have been several people who I know that have had events in their life which made tomorrow totally different than today. When you go to the gym at 4:30 in the morning you get to know the other crazies who are there. A guy named Dave was driving along with his wife when a car coming in the opposite direction swerved into their lane (a dog jumped in the drivers lap) and they had a head on collision. Luckily, they both survived but not without a totalled truck, and two broken bodies that will require months if not years to recover from. Then last week another gym rat was riding his motorcycle with his wife and a car turned left across their path. Both are in critical condition.

A blink of an eye...life takes a turn. We all know people who's lives have changed dramatically from one day to the next. The question is can a person live their life with the agenda of moving through it as if today was "the day." We are human, but it might make us kinder, more present in the moment. As I hand watered the slope off my deck I would normally been rushing and plotting how to accomplish all that I want in this one day off. But, these thoughts made me slow down and enjoy the process of watering, knowing the plants will grow better for it and laughing as I bathed the squirrels.

Oh by the way, the photo in this blog...This is a picture taken by NASA with the Hubble telescope. They are referring to it as the "Eye of God".

Are You Being Served???

One of our all time favorite Brit Coms was "Are You Being Served" and "Are You Being Served, Again." The initial show centered on a group of employees at a upscale British clothing store. In the second series the group had retired and were living all together in a home left to them by the owner of the store when he died. It required this group of people to learn new skills, like cooking and farming.

I was thinking about this show after reading an article in today's paper titled, "$300,000 a year, but a precarious position." It was chronicling the hardship of the rich in the current economic climate. $500 a month for a gardener, nanny cost $40,000/yr and $75,000 a year in property tax...It seems everyone is feeling it and it is no less distressing for the wealthy than it is for the middle class. It is causing a change in choices, living outside the box so you won't have to live in a box. I have said it before, this downturn was a gift. In all it's stress and difficult choices, if you keep a open outlook you can recognize that the state you are in...is really of your own choice and making.

It has been a time where I have recognized my own...not so smart choices...and have been able to make better ones. I am glad that we did not have to keep up with the Jones' because our children have a better chance of living their lives by their own rules not what society thinks you should have. I was raised a Jones, lol but we lived within, if not below our means. Which has allowed us to weather these times.

I am no longer getting my hair done at my favorite place...because when it comes down to it...do I want to work more to have my hair done there...or do I want more time. Saving has become a religion and my collection box is secure.

Kick It To The Curb

Sometimes you just want to kick life to the curb. I am not one of those people who believe everything good and bad that happens in life is because of god. I do not believe that god is punishing us or challanging us to see if we are worthy. I do not think that all the suffering in the world is happening because we are supposed to learn a lesson.

What I do believe is that life...is life. Filled with choices, challenges, suffering and joy. There are emotional ups and downs, it is our personal choice of what we make of this life...we are not puppets that god is playing with. The god that some people believe in...the one who gives us cancer or plane crashes...well that is not my god.

I like the definition of Life="the course of existence or sum of experiences and actions that constitute a person's existence." Now we have a choice of what kind of life we want and what kind of person we want to be.

It is times where we are faced with some of our most challenging moments that we can decide how we want to play out this exsistence of if we want to be kicked to the curb.

Back to School

Today I was part of a "back to school" ritual. Shopping for new clothes and school supplies. It brought back some memories. The excitement and planning. Byron starts the 2nd grade, has pointed scissors on his list! There is no pleasure in doing the supply shopping alone, but I did see some mother's who were shopping on their own for their kids supplies! Where are the kids???

I can remember buying new pencils, crayolas and pencil carriers...it was what made the first day of school more exciting...when the Crayola's hadn't been broken and the pencils were sharp.

Byron is a very smart kid and given the right tools, the interest and choices he can be anything he wants too. Maybe someday I can look back and remember I bought pencils for him!

The Stink Eye

The last couple of days has been challenging. Enzo has given me the "stink eye" several times. We are definitely trying to figure out where we are in the pecking order of this house. I actually recognize this look...I think my kids have given me the stink eye once in a while.

It began with a bath. Then he did not want to have a leash on him but preferred to carry it around while growling. When I gave him a command he made a grrrrr sound and laid down to ignore me...so what did I do. I barked. Yep, I have resorted to barking. He pays attention then!

I actually think I may have discovered a new form of puppy training. If one could figure out what each bark meant you could use it to train the new puppy. When I bark at him he always jumps and then immediately comes over to get some loving pats on the back.

In San Francisco I have seen people cluck like chickens...so I guess barking isn't so bad for Oregon.

Amo il mio lavoro (I Love My Job)

Every so often you hear about a job or see a person who is working and you give thanks for the job you have. There have been times this past year where I have definitely questioned my choices of career. Then you see a photo like this one. Sure I have cleaned up my share of excrement but somehow it was different.

A few years ago as I started my day I would take a moment to be consciously grateful. Doing this actually made my day better. No matter what drama is going on in my head, if I took a moment to be thankful...I felt better. It is not to deny my own pain or marginalize what might be occurring in my life, but taking a moment to be grateful for what I "do" have going for me is grounding.

This morning I picked up my mail and in the pile was a notice that it was time to renew my license. I am grateful for the reminder and that I have the most incredible job. I help people. And, I am paid a wonderful salary which enhances the rest of my life.

Today, I am grateful for my job.

As a Great Man Once Was Quoted....

"The things that I do...I do...that things that I have to do twice....I do do."

O K...so it takes some of us a little longer to figure out that do do is not so good.

Enzo went to the back gate off the deck and I let him out "off leash" and sure enough he immediately pee'd and poo'd....I was so happy that I had been trained to notice when he had to go out and do his business. Now, Greg said don't let him off the leash because you'll be chasing him...but after 2 minutes he came back on the deck. SO, the next time he went to the back gate I didn't notice that he was looking at me like I was a sucker. But Greg asked if I was going to try it again...of course, I am soooooo into do do....after all I am a nurse.

I let him out and spent the next 10 minutes chasing him around the hill side, sweet talking him and trying to convince him that life on the deck was better than life out in the wild of the golf course.

So I have learned do do....and will not participate is do do do....although that sounds like music.

Electric

I have often wondered if the electric we generate has something to do with our emotional state?

Sometimes I have noticed that my hair seems to have a life of it's own and that I can actually make it move without touching it, by moving my hand a few inches from my head.

I wonder if there are certain people who attract lightening. Their energy is on the surface of their body and during a storm they are like a lightening rod.

I did some research on the history of lightening and it is fascinating.

Early Greeks believed that lightning was a weapon of Zeus. Thunderbolts were invented by Minerva the goddess of wisdom. Since lightning was a manifestation of the gods, any spot struck by lightning was regarded as sacred. Greek and Roman temples often were erected at these sites, where the gods were worshipped in an attempt to appease them. The Moslem's also attributed lightning and thunder to their god. The Koran says "He it is who showeth you lightning and launches the thunderbolts."

On the other hand I wonder if positive or negative energy at work can cause one to generate electricity and...if this could be harnessed could we get extra pay for providing this fuel?

Julie/Julia

This movie by far is my most favorite movie of the year. Apparently the same for the rest of the people in the theater. People laughed out loud throughout the entire movie and you left with a feeling of joy, wanting to cook and most importantly wanting to enjoy what you eat.

We Americans spend all our time worrying about what we put in our bodies that we forget to enjoy some of our choices. Food has become our enemy and the sense of time has stolen our ability to take a moment and enjoy the taste. This movie was filled with laughter, poignant moments and recognition. The acting was superb, the cultural and historical scenes reminded us of our past.

There was one scene in the movie that reminded me of my friend Julie and I who have been teaching a computer program for a month. In the movie, present day Julie was so distraught over her perceived failure that she is lying on the kitchen floor, on her back, crying and occasionally kicking her feet. I know we have felt that way but what keeps us off the floor is not only our belief in our fellow coworkers...but the germs that lurk.

Enzo's First Hair Cut

I must preface this with a historical time line...I have cut Greg's hair for 32 years, I did cut Peter's hair for at least 14 years and I cut Connor's hair for 18 years. With that said, I have had a successful career of hair cutting without the licence. On the other had as Greg so "kindly" pointed out, our dear Yoshi who has been gone almost 2 years...many times looked like a funny looking Ewok from Star Wars. Once in a while I would take him to the groomers and he would come home with a bow in his hair, which he promptly ripped out in the car. I never put a bow in his hair...I did occasionally dress him up as Santa, a Witch or put a dress on him...but never a bow.

Yesterday I had Greg rig up a leash and collar from the roof of the garage and I shaved Enzo. I could NOT...I admit cowardice, shave his face or feet. But I removed a ton of hair off his body and except for the gouge down to skin on his hind quarter (I did that to Connor once, on his head)...they hate it when you say Opps, he looked OK. Greg said he would look better if I bathed him because then the gouge wouldn't show up as much. The real test came when Rob came over for dinner. I didn't tell her that I had shaved him and she didn't burst out laughing at what a funny looking dog I had.

In the 32 years I have been cutting Greg's hair he has not whined or whimpered, he has on occasion growled. Enzo on the other hand looked really worried. So I think I'll take him to the groomer every other time...as long as she doesn't put a bow in his hair.

Little Boxes

Years ago, I suffered from Anxiety Disorder. This is one of those disorders that there is no pill for...sure they prescribe all kinds of meds to help you "get through" your life, but I didn't want to just survive...I wanted to live, enjoy and find out the root of this disorder. Without meds, so with conscious focus and the help of a therapist I challenged my heart, brain and soul (yes they are totally different) to find out how to eradicate anxiety from my life. What I found was my life was divided into little boxes. I kept some thoughts and fears in one box. My joys in another box. My interests in another box....so on and so on. I never missed a day at work, was known to be a good listener, a supportive co-worker, and someone who had a good sense of humor. At home I was scared, worried and thought of myself as a wife, mother, daughter, sister who wasn't measuring up. I was convinced I was going to die at any minute which made me more anxious because, I will have died without feeling good about anything I was doing in my life....which created more anxiety. If it wasn't so painful I would see the humor in the fact that you spend all your time worrying about the what "if"...that you can never take the "if" out of your life.

Through shear grit and the support of my therapist and loving family I found a way to put all my gifts into one box. The box of Annie. Guess what. I found no one ran away screaming in fear. I could except I would never reach perfection. I began to enjoy the humor in all of my missives and foibles. I became more "present" in my own life and for the people I love.

I came to accept that there is only one person in my life who doesn't want the whole me but prefers that I show up with many little boxes and only open the one that has no emotional component, no dreams and hopes. Although I sometimes grieve for the ability for this person to see me...I get that it is something about them, not me...

The life I lead is wonderful because it comes in only one perfectly wrapped box, filled with the love and dreams for my sons, my girls, one perfect little boy and my dog. Greg loves this present because we share the goodies inside.

Random Flatulance

This card that a dear friend brought over to me last night...well, it cracked me up! But, with all the farm noises I wondered what the farmer's noise would be? He didn't have a cow...he had a random flatulence.

Well, Greg and I decided that at our age it is no longer deferred flatulence but random flatulence. I have a lot more empathy for the senior citizen who I see when the room fills up with the aroma of what they had the previous meal. I have had patients say, excuse me. On the other hand I have patients who look at me with a questioning look...like I made the tootie noise! But, I continue with my job and let them keep their dignity. On the other hand when either of us has a "random" flatulence we do not give each other a free pass. We tease each other and feign toxic poisoning. It used to be that we could defer the flatulence till we were in an isle at Bi Mart by ourselves...but it seems since we have tipped to our middle 50's that occasionally there is a random flatulence. Like when you laugh, sneeze, hiccup or cough. What the hey???? I do think that my random flatulence has a musical note. Besides when you work where I do...you can blame it on the patient by rolling your eyes when someone walks by. Greg has it easy, he has his own office...so unless the windows fog up, no one will know!

TGIF

I feel like the squirrel in this picture. He is flat out lying on one of my bird feeders! I know the feeling...TGIF!

TGIF = Tequila Gin Infusion For (me)

TGIF= Take Gum Internally First

TGIF = The Great Independent Fruit

TGIF = Teeth Gum Incisor Flea

TGIF = Together Give Independent Freedom (this one makes more sense)

I definitely need a weekend....

TGIF = Thank god it's Friday!

Look Into My Eyes...

Look into my eyes...I have a message for you...you have a choice. We tend to believe that life makes choices for us. The fact is, we have always had a choice.

I have heard people say, "I hate my job but I don't have a choice...I have to work." There is a choice, you can change your life style so you don't need a particular job or you can chose to stay because the life style is one you don't want to give up.

Some people will say they can't afford something, when in fact they could but they would have to make the choice and live with the consequences of that choice.

I think people would rather feel life is not in their control, then they wouldn't have to take responsibility for the results good or bad. Bad luck, good luck most often is a result of a choice. There is no cosmic deity out there who is manipulating our lives. The results of our life comes down to our own choices.

I think that accepting that everything we have to do is in the power of our own choice can free us from the feelings of being a victim to something out there...

Truly the only thing in our lives that is out of our control is the family we were born in...but to stay in relationship, is a choice.

Look into my eyes...you have the power...you have the choice...you are the boss of you!

Beer Summit

The idea of a Beer Summit cracked me up...it was not only a humorous way to control a potentially volatile situation and make it more manageable, but it gave America a sense that this administration was made up of a couple of guys who were like us. The photo says a lot about the group. Given we are in the middle of summer the two guests, a Harvard professor and a local law enforcement officer are showing respect in spite of the heat by keeping their suit jackets on. The President and Vice President on the other hand are laid back, cool and are in charge...they are the hosts.

They appear to be really listening to what the law enforcement officer has to say...we are here for you, we are listening to blue collar America. The Harvard professor or white collar America is listening also. The photo says...we are in this together...we are going to solve this issue together...we are going to drink beer together...except for the Vice President, who doesn't drink alcohol. He is comfortable with his choice of a non-alcoholic beer. The only thing that would have made this photo perfect...is if there was a Deschutes Brewery beer, Bend Brewing Co. beer, Cascade Brewing Co. beer or a Silver Moon beer on that table...now we're talking!

Johnny Winter

He shuffled onto the stage. At 65, born an albino you could tell he felt older than his years. For the last 10 years he has been performing while sitting down. But....he still has got the magic. He brought a theater of baby boomers and a few youngin's to their feet. Greg has been following his music since he was a 17 year old...me, I never heard of him until Greg would speak of him.

The limits of my musical background as a teenager were 3 albums. The Beatles "A Hard Days Night," Dino, Desi and Billy and a Bill Cosby album. My household allowed only classical. The expansion of my musical appreciation has come through Greg. It was so much fun last night. Not only to listen to some great music, feeling the excitement around me (some people were dancing in the isle) but to see Greg's enjoyment.

Someday when my children are in their boomin' years they will attend a concert where some old guys named Metallica will shuffle onto the stage and play some music!

When Greg went to the restroom he came back and said someone was smoking a dobbie...LOL...some boomers were reliving more than the music!

Love and Laughter

"Don't know where they're goin' but they know just what they're after"

"In each other's arms they always seem to find their way"

"To love and laughter "

"He's struttin' like a hero, she looks just like a dream

There's nothin' in their suitcase, but those two have everything they need Love and laughter,

love and laughter"

What I know to be true, is love and laughter are what give a relationship history. It is not how big the house is, it is not how perfect the children are, it is not how cool your car is, how wonderful your job is....and although it doesn't hurt life to have all those things...it is the ability to love and laugh together that really get you through.

Life gives us challenges. There are days where we are bone tired and the only person we can truly let our guard down is with the person we love. They get the brunt of our anger, they get the sadness we may feel....but....if we remember the love and laughter....they are the only one who can bring the light back into our world.

Cup Half Full

I consider myself a cup half full kind of person and then I meet a person who's cup is never empty. It is not that they are moving through this difficult world with their heads in the clouds, it just...well...they consciously choose to be happy. This may be harder than it sounds. Wake up, choose your day to be happy...no matter the jerk in the car tailgating you...even the rude sale clerk...even the mosquito's eating you alive. By god, you're alive and this is your day, this is your life and you choose to be happy.

I am a better person for learning from and accepting people who move with grace, laughter and peace.