Life was much easier before the email warnings I recieved this past year

This so cracked me up when I recieved it in an email that I had to post it to my blog...most of these have been sent by my own mother who in her love is convinced that the world is out to get me!

I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed ... hmmmm

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST ALSO SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish.

I can’t have a drink in any bar because I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes twenty-seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.. Disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise. And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can’t ever pick up a $5 bill someone dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over..

I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician . . ..

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.


PS: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

Reflections

It was a wonderful Thanksgiving...I have so much to be thankful for...wonderful son's, a daughter in law who has a beautiful heart, a grandson who is fun to be with, a loyal dog, a safe trip over and back, my first BBQ's turkey, Becky's stuffing, Hostesses with the Mostest, Shean-Jones girls, seeing Mo again, making new friends, Kathy's mom's apple pie, seeing Kathy and Mike having a good time...oh yeah, life is sweet. The only thing that could have made it perfect is if I actually got a photo of Sarah and myself???? Now that I am a chef extroidinaire I am going to have to work on my photography skills!

Create your own scrapbook design

THANKSGIVING SONG ADAM SANDLER

Burrrr...baby it's cold outside

Ok, I know the snow looks beautiful...but when you have to shovel a long driveway full of it and it is only 12 degrees outside and the dog won't even come out to keep you company...well...baby it's cold outside.

When the weather flips over to "winter" your body goes into hibernation mode. I don't want to go to work, I don't want to go to the store, I don't want to go to the library, I don't want to go to the coffee shop! I want it all to come to ME!

But, it sure is pretty to look at and with a full moon...you swear your yard looks like diamonds are lying around.

Culinary Master

Ok, so my cooking range just got too scary to use and the self cleaning feature on the oven didn't work. Besides, most of what I prepared just didn't turn out fantastic.

We decided to buy a new stove/oven. We went into the process trying to find the one that seemed the simplest to clean, which was one of those ones with the flat glass top.

What we came out with was, this one. It was love at first sight for both of us. All it took was for me to ask what this one feature on the top of the stove was used for...The sales persons said, "Oh, that is to hold a WOK!" We looked at each other and said, "we want this one!"

I can feel it in my bones...Bobby Flay, move over...Rachel Ray, Shut your mouth...Giada, go find a new sweater...cause there is a new cook in town. I am so excited that I got up at 0530 this morning just to organize all the recipes papers I have collected this year out of the newpaper.

Tonight we are going to WOK the veggies!

Going Going Gone

It is hard to believe but my son's motorcycle was stolen. That is...a chained up parked in front of a car in his carport...stolen. I have been reading in the news about the rash of property crimes...most likely due to the hard times being felt but so many...but come on...

Several years ago we had a burglar enter our house while we were gone and he took all my jewelery, a coin collection that my father in law had passed down and Greg's watches and pawnable possessions. Having had someone in my home pawing through my clothing drawers...well it so creeped me out that I never rested comfortably in my bedroom after that event because we had a low lying window and secluded deck with door off our bedroom. Lovely home...but so glad when we decided to move.

There is a violation of one's life when something is stolen...it is not as if you are rolling in the dough...we work hard for what we have and to think that someone thinks it is OK to take something is...well...just morally corrupt.

Tossing and Turning

Last night I tossed and turned from 0100 to about 0230. It seemed my brain was trying to solve the problems of the world. And, as if the problems of the world weren't enough by 0200 I started worrying about how I was going to perform my duties when I had to get up at 0400 to get ready for work???

I had read that counting backwards from 800 by 4's will drop you off to sleep. Well, I tried that several time reaching 770's before giving up. I struggled with the idea of calling in sick...but I never do this unless I am reallllly sick. And I can't even remember when I called in sick...I think it was last year.

Finally what made me fall asleep was a mantra...you are a good person and worth loving...ahhhh. There is nothing like a loving thought wrapped around your soul to make you relax.

And so sleep came and the alarm went off at 0400. I am ready for the day but boy do I feel sorry for the person I must take care of at around 2:00 PM...I should be toast by then.

Love From A Distance

I realized last night in my dreams why I was having to hold a note of happiness in my hand as a reminder of how happy I am. I couldn't figure it out. By last night I gave up and just relaxed about it...which allowed me to put down the note.

It was my dream...that gave me the clue. There are those people in our lives that we want to love from a distance. I truly love my "long distance love" but if they get too close I get burned. It is like you have to wear a hazmat suit so you can see their love but not feel the pain that can come with it...

And so there is this constant cycle of love, fear, guilt. It is kind of funny because in my dream the character changed their mind and decided to keep some distance and I was so happy and filled with love for them...at the very least I now know what was bugging me yesterday, it was the safety zone of my brain trying to let me know...there is hard love coming.

Happiness

I had one of those days where I cherished happiness...cause today it was no where to be found. It might be that I am facing two 10 hour days at work...of what I am trying to believe with be wonderful. Or maybe it is empathizing with a girlfriend who is having a very hard time and knowing there is not a thing I can do about it...or maybe is it just plain seasonal affect stuff...but that can't be...cause it was sunny today.

Enzo waited all day for me to take him on a jaunt...but he is still waiting. I did not step one foot into my sewing room. I did not read one page of a book...nor did I talk to a neighbor.

Some days are just that, days...to just let move by while you carry your happiness in your hands to bring out when you are ready to really appreciate how very blessed you are.

Yeah...I am happy...it is just today I needed to carry a note around with me as a reminder! lol

Words

"The power of life and death are in the tongue" This words are the truest and most powerful in the Bible. If we only understood the power of our words on others we would be slower to speak and quicker to bite our tongues.

The power of our words can either build someone up or tear him down. I think it may be that we believe our words are RIGHT and that they need to be heard and taken heed...or something will not turn out correctly. How short sighted and self absorbed we can be about our words.

If only parents could relax and remember that their children are at the beginning of their experiences and that mistakes will happen and those mistakes will have their own consequences...they do not need to hear unkind words or words of judgement when they do.

If only husbands and wives can understand that some words, kind and hurtful are stored in a secret vault within the heart and are never forgotten.

Words should speak and instill life, not death. The should not be spoken if there is no good to come from them. They are man's most powerful weapon and thus should be used with discretion.

Girlfriends Are A Sheltering Tree

Having spent last weekend with a girlfriend I must reflect on exactly how important are girlfriends in ones life. As we grow we pickup friendships and the friendships between girlfriends when you are young are usually quite volatile. I remember my neighborhood girlfriends and I constantly fighting...spending sometimes a whole hour not talking to each other!

In high school I had several friends but only one girlfriend. I can't remember us fighting??? but we shared important stuff...like who was cooler, John, Paul, George or Ringo...no question it was John! If you are lucky enough to have hung on to a childhood girlfriend into adulthood then you have a friend that has truly shared your joys and your heartaches during a very vunerable period of life, they share a common history...they share a mutual memory of a time gone bye...they are like a sheltering tree.

I am blessed to have a hand full of girlfriends who I can trust to be there when I need them, who will tell me the truth, who will listen to me as if they really hear me, share advice when I ask for it, and stand up with me if there is a fight...they have touched the memories of my children's growing years and they are still around after witnessing my highs and lows. Some are my age, some are older than me...and some are related to me...but ALL are a sheltering tree.

How Do You Sign Off Your Mail?

I was reading an article about how people sign off their letters, whether it be snail mail or email. It is the one area of a letter that speaks about the writer.

I have one friend who signs off every correspondence with the word, "Later." It is simple, denotes a future connection and keeps it non-emotional. I find that I sometimes struggle when I get to that part of the letter...do I sign off with "Love, Anna?" do I love this person...or want to share the love?? Sometimes you feel stupid right at the moment you press send...when you see how you have signed off. I will sometimes pre-program a sign off...currently it is "Momento Vivere"..."Remember to Live" But we are all living...so if you send it to a concrete personality are they looking at that saying...why wouldn't I remember to live??? Besides...why sign off in a foreign language, am I supposed to know what the means or do I have to look it up????

Sincerely, sounds toooo formal and detached for most letters I write. Best Wishes, has to fit the letter. I used to sign off my emails to Greg, "Love, me" because I figured he knew it was me so signing Anna seemed...well dumb. And, I do love him so love seemed appropriate...but Love, me...sounded like a plea. So I stopped.

My previous sign off was, "I live in the Possibilities." So was I trying to convince others of who I am???

So, for a while I am going to change my sign off daily...and have it reflect what I am doing. Below are a list of potential sign offs for your letters.

Hangin' with the dog, Anna

•All you need is love
•Happy trails to you
•Hasta la vista, baby
•Keep your stick on the ice
•Kiss kiss bang bang
•Live long and prosper
•May the force be with you
•Over and out
•Over to you
•Peace, love, and unity
•Start the engines
•Stay tuned
•Tag! You’re it
•To be continued…
•Yabba dabba do
•Cheerful greetings to all
•Hugs
•Kind thoughts
•Take care
•Wishing you the best
•Write soon
•Your friend
•Yours in friendship
•Be good/well
•Cheerio
•Cheers
•I’m out
•More to come
•Smiles
•Ta ta for now
•Take care
•Take it easy
•Until next time

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Yesterday I was having a conversation about love. How do you know exactly what love is and what has it got to do with relationships. As women, we are drowning in everyone else perception of love and what it should be. Movies, romance novels, periodicals and girlfriends...share with us what love is and what is the correct way to be in love. The thing about it is, love is one of those things that never is the same from one heart to the next. How love resides with myself is different than how it resides within my best friend. There can be no judgement about love because we never truly know the full body of it, in each and every person...because it is different...kind of like the mood rings of the 60's. They used to sell these rings where the color would change depending on the mood of the wearer...what really was happening was the color was changing due to the chemistry and temperature of the wearer which was totally different for each individual.

I reflect back on where I learned about love...I grew up each and every day hearing my dad say "I love you" to my mother. My mother never said it back. Did she not love him...did he love her too much? Did he need her more than she needed him? Who knows...what I do know is these were my first templates. As a teenage girl I read every steaming romanitic novel in publication. I now knew that love has to be a 24/7 passionate, heated kind of love...lots of emotion...loves of highs and lows...hummmm didn't work out that way. Dating, I learned that love was for some, conditional....hummm was this how love was to be???

All the cues and sound bites of what love is...and in reality I find that love...is a risk and it is worth risking your heart for. That although the love of my life does not wake up every day and say...I love you...I see it when he cooks dinner. I see it when he outlines a safety plan for my travel. I see it in the way he extends himself in so many ways. He does not need me...he wants me, and that choice is love. It is conscious choice, not filter through what others idea of love is.

Love is like a mystery book, one that brings new chapters with each year we spend together. I never want to know it all...I never want to reach the last chapter...I want to savor each page.

Fall On Clubhouse

I took a moment to look around the place and capture Fall.

Slideshow created with Smilebox

Who Would Have Thunk It!?

Last week Greg and I went and saw the movie,"RED." It was a action comedy and was very entertaining. But one line has stuck with me all week. All the characters were retired spies. Morgan Freeman resided in a "rest home." When Bruce Willis visits him and warns him about a contract killer...Freeman says, "who would have thought it would come to this. We survived Vietnam, Afghanistan...and now we're just old...and who would have thought I would end up here."

As I head out this weekend to spend time with my childhood girlfriend...I realize we ARE old. We met when we were 14 years old and have remained friends for over 40 years. We both get AARP...for christ sakes...when did this happen. It is surprising because my brain still thinks I am HOT! But the mirror says NOT! The thing about getting older is that you start weeding out what doesn't absolutely bring you some semblance of joy. Time has more commodity than money. Family...well family is everything.

As I age I realize that holding onto pain...serves no purpose and so I can get rid of it faster. Life keeps marching on whether I am happy or not...so why not choose happy. It is the little things that can make your day...yesterday on my lunch break I figured out how to get my grandson's photo as wall paper on my phone...sweet...see getting older doesn't mean you can't figure it out!
Although I now know how important it is to know where the next "facilities" are located when traveling...and, that I need a comfortable bed and my routine...I am content with this age. It is who I am.