Fearless

I know so many people who live in fearfulness.  But it seems women are afflicted by this malady without recognition.  It must be part of the hormonal make up or maybe females are raised with an understanding that a little fear is going to keep you safe...I really don't have a clue.

What I do know is fear on all the different levels, whether it be will he love me? Will my life be fulfilling? Will my children grow up healthy and happy? Will I be respected? Do I know what I am talking about?...is always followed by the "what if."

"Fear and what if" are pals.  They travel looking for somewhere to set up shop. Oh look, there is a woman who has everything but is spinning her wheels...I bet she is a great place to land.  We can wreak havoc in her soul...I bet by the time we are done with her, she'll be depressed and a shell of her former self! Yippeee....emotional lunch!!!!!

I am always amazed when I see a woman who is absolutely incredible in every way but lives with some silent fear.  I have been that woman.  What I can tell you is that "fear and what if" will start to chip away at your self esteem.  No matter that you are a fabulously beautiful strong woman. By the time they are done with you...you'll believe you have nothing to offer and no one could possibly think you were worth loving.

Maybe, when we are born and they put a little name band on our leg they also attach a band called "fear and what if."  It is only visible to those who have no fear and when they leave the hosptial they cut it off...maybe our mothers can't see it because at our birth "fear and what if" are hanging around with them...so when we get home, they never cut the band off...because I am sure if our mothers could see the band, they would cut if off...but more often than not, we give it to our children.  We give it to them with our own worries...they know when we are worried.  We give it to them with our rules.  We give it to them as a family legacy.  And the most ridiculous...we give it to them when we start worrying about the fact that we even have "fear and what it."  A vicious cycle. 

I spent years dragging around "fear and what if."  If I got fat, they got fatter...if I got depressed, they sewed a nice little bag so I could drag it and them around with me.  It wasn't until I accepted my failures, my short sightedness, bad luck times as allies of knowledge and not friends of "fear and what if" that I could spend more time in gratitude, joy and fearlessness. If you are not careful "regret" moves in with "fear and what if."  Over the years and with continuous work, "fear and what if" are back in a box.  Every so often they start banging to get out...now, I just tell the little shits to pipe down...I got a life to live!

As told in story when Thomas Edison lie on his death bed he said, "yeah, my life has been full of constant misery, worry and failures...most of which never happened."