I have chosen my word for 2010...Release. My cousin shared a site where the author spoke of new years resolutions as opposed to a revolution. Picking a word is very personal and when you hear the word, you will know it is yours.
It was surprising, yet no surprise that I would need my word at the beginning of the year. One of the pains that I am unable to give up because it is soooo inbedded in my child's brain is when my mother ignores me. As a child when my sister or I would do something that would displease her, we would no longer exsist in her world. We one time figured out that she went as long as 4 days not speaking to us or seeing us...as if we were little ghosts moving in the house. My sister said it made us better mothers...I know we carry damage...but I have no anger because I know this behavior comes from her own long history of pain...and, I choose not to add to it but hopefully give her a little peace.
So when I have done something that displeases her in some way I can be shunned. It is now over a week, no calls, no emails. I know that in some way it should be a relief but my old child brain remembers being a ghost....so, my new word...RELEASE. I say it when I feel my heart ache and I feel it relax. At work when something is bothering me...I say release and I relax. I have said it sooooo many times this one week. By saying it, I can feel less of the depression of being a ghost...and know that only time will give her the ability to see me again.
I release and I forgive...but RELEASE is my word. The gift I give to everyone who reads this blog is a link to pick your word...you will know it when you hear it...
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