Girlfri-end Means No End

I know...I blab about my girlfriends in this blog...but hey, they are "the wind beneath my wings."   Are you gagging now???  Girlfriends are a risk.   If someone is truly your girlfriend it means you have risked your heart and your belief that there is someone out there that will always be there...no matter if you have pissed them off.  A true girlfriend is someone who forgives you for hogging the conversation...for giving them your opinion....who loves you, for all your idiosyncrasies...and still will share their cold, tools, fabric, food and space.

Can You See My Story???

Woman selling herbs

(photo by Greg Bates)

I continue to be interested, appalled, curious and judgemental about plastic surgery.  There are times that I look in the mirror and I wish I could nip and tuck every wrinkle, suck every fat cell and lift all my body contours...then I see a photo of a woman who makes me realize that if one chooses this path you give up some of your history.

The last time I had my hair done I told the stylist that I didn't want to cover up all the gray...that I liked that it showed because I earned each strand.  We are buried under piles of photos and articles of people in the know...mainly celebrities...who tell us that we need to beat the clock...at least on the outside.  The outside is the most important, it matters not what is going on, in the inside.  I still occassionally will see a photo on the cover of a magazine and think...wow, how beautiful...before my intellectual brain kicks in and says...hey, this is airbrushed...she spent a lot of money on the surface but still has issues on the inside.

When I see a photo like the one above...I am in awe...because I see more than the surface, more than the skin...more than the outside.  I see the inside...I see the beauty, the history...I can see the first chapter of the story.

Traditional Buddhist Teaching For A Not So Traditional Gal...

The House of 500 Buddhas, Korea

(photo by Greg Bates...awesome artist)

I came across this lesson of traditional Buddhist teachings that I know will serve my own spirit, but may be food for thought for others.

First: Rely on the spirit and meaning of the teachings, not on the words.

Second: Rely on the teachings, not the personality of the teacher

Third: Rely on real wisdom, not superficial interpretation

Fourth: rely on the essence of your pure wisdom Mind, not on judgmental   preceptions.

As I leave for work this morning I hope to learn something from each of my co-workers and patients, for they are the teachers of this day.

I Will Not Waste This Day

I love being inspired...sometimes by someone I talk with, sometimes by something I read and sometimes by something I see.  So here I have a day off before me and my little brain was ticking off the tasks that need to be done, requirements to being a good woman...when I was saved by a picture.

"A clean house is a sign of a wasted life."  It was a sign from God or maybe Muhammud or maybe Buddha...or maybe Betty Crocker has chosen to take this moment to save my day!!!!!!!!!!!!

I intend to follow the signs and not waste a moment of this day but, live it in the possibilites...You Rock Betty!!!!!!!!

I'm Missing My Dad

It is sadly funny how all of a sudden you will miss someone who has been gone from your life for such a long time.

I am not sure what has happen to suddenly wish I could talk to my dad one more time. 

The really sad part is how much time has passed...almost 33 years.  I tried to Google him and so much has happened in that amount of time that he does not exsist on the internet.  If I Google my mom I get a hit.  Life keeps moving forward at a faster and faster pace.

But today I take a moment to really think about my dad and talk.  Because what I do know is what his answers to my questions would be.  He was the pattern after which I was made..."what you see is what you get"...and so when I ask myself what he would think...I know the answer. 

He would be so happy with the path that each of my children have taken...and he would appreciate that the Jones sense of humor lives on...that is, one of the gift I have recieved in relationship with my cousin Mike...a connection to that Jones sense of humor.  I look in my cousin's face and I see my dad and my favorite uncle.  He would love that his grandsons are successful but, successful by their own rules...each carry a part of him I remember...and oh would he love Sarah and Byron.  I know that Byron would be sailing over a day and through the night to see the Wild Things with my dad if he was here...but, then he is here...in me, my sons, in my cousin and in his daughters.

Sometimes it catches you off guard...you're doing something totally innocuous and then you feel them, so close to the surface in the memory of your heart... and it squeezes...because for a moment you hear their whisper.

Scary Food

I have been thinking about scary food since my girlfriend Colleen visited last weekend.  I found out some shocking news about her...she has never had a bowl of oatmeal.  Her mother ate oatmeal...but for some reason, whether it was a traumatic oatmeal experience...she, herself never was encouraged to or by free choice, eaten a bowl of oatmeal.  She like Connor also are very suspicious of raisins...to the point that if a sweet roll with raisins in set in front of them...they will distroy it with the precision of a Ninja!

Connor also tried to convince a nurse at the COPA (Central Oregon Pediatric Assoc.) to add peas to his allergy list.  I am not sure but "peas" may be the only allergy listed on his chart. I am thinking I might get him one of those medical alert braclets...PEAS will render this patient green!

So, back to scary food...the photo above is scary as a room full of zombies who haven't eaten recently...burger in a can.  I cannot eat a burger, even if Emril made it for me...let alone one out of a can.

There actually exsists a Museum of Food Disasters!  I wonder if my bowlie cake would qualify?

So according to the food experts here is alist of scary foods...

1.  Mouldy food (my dad spent years trying to convince my mom...mould is not good).

2.  Pink Chicken (pink is cute on baby girls...not poultry)

3.  Aspartame (it does kill rats)

4.  Runny egg whites (salmonella, yes we all know about it...but did you know that there is a egg producer that vaccinates it's chickens against salmonella...I am not sure I like this either)

5.  Reheated rice!!! I feel the Oriental world reeling in shock.  You can reheat rice if you have stored it in the fridge...but listen here relatives of mine...you cannot leave it in the rice cooker over night and not take the risk of getting sick.

6.  MSG (it has been shown to cause neurological symtoms...AND...those with asthma...it may make your symptoms worse!  AH HA!

7.  Shellfish (any raw or undercooked shellfish has bacteria. If you eat it from prohibited areas you can die.  So, listen to grandma...watch everyone else who is eating the raw oysters off Vancouver Island...if they're still alive the next morning...it is ok to eat.)

8.  Grey Meat...(I would never eat anything grey...but the test is after taking it out of the freezer for 15 min.  it should turn pink again)...no grey for me.

9.  Food past it's "use by" date...(Robin...do you hear me...the government agrees with me)

10.  Green Chips or potatos (means in the growing process the spud was exposed to light and thus produced solanine, a toxin)

So this is my scary food expose...I am not sure if oatmeal, raisins and peas should be added to this list but definately avocados!

Facebook

Ok, I did it.  After finding out that Facebook was building their first only company owned facility in Central Oregon...and reading an article in the paper about a grandmother who was afraid of computers but decided to get one and join facebook so she could see her grandchildren...I decided to take the plunge.  I am fairly computer literate, so why the resistence.  In back of my pea brain I keep thinking that this is another layer of disconnect from the people in my life. 

What I have discovered in one 24 hours period is that I am now connected to family that I rarely see, nor regularly talk too...if you could keep it in perspective, you can have a relationship with relatives you might rarely talk with...so, in that way it is actually a connection not a disconnection. 

In my family tree I am the eldest cousin.  My mother was the eldest sibling.  The span of age ranges from my lofty 56 yrs down to 23 yrs??  Some of my cousins are in their baby birthing years and it will be fun to be more connected to their lives as they venture forth in raising their children. 

With that said...I don't want or need 600+"friends."  I want a more personal connection to those who are within my sphere of existence.  But for those I care about that live outside my sphere, this will provide a way to connect and learn who you are related too and what they enjoy.  Heck I now have 6 friends and am feeling pretty darn popular...by my own standards.

Sweet Dreams

The act of sleep is highly underappreciated in our society.  We are used to pushing ourselves until the job it done.  We also want to play till we drop.  But as you advance in years, sleep becomes a necessity...and the lack therof results in not so pretty outcomes...like a poneytail that is off to one side of your head.

I suffered my first bout of insomnia since my 40's when I was thinking of becoming menopausal.  This is not a choice...like...isn't this party rockin'  I gonna stay up past my bedtime...or this is the best movie of the year, doesn't Van Damm look so damm cute...not! Or I'm going to stay up to see the ball drop in Time Square.  This type of sleep loss for me is, eyes wide open, mom brain kicks in...humm wonder if my kids are safe...what is the statistics of a meteor falling from the sky and hitting one of my kids...did the dog throw up???? Are the members of my family talking with each other again...what a bunch of babies...by this time my blood pressure is up and there is no more nighty night.

Which then leads to a day like I had yesterday.  Running on a couple of hours of sleep yesterday turned into "THE LOST DAY."  For me that means I am too tired to do anything fun, except have coffee with my cousin.  I have not washed my hair so it is in a ponytail under a ball cap.  No makeup, thank goodness it was a little sunny because I wore sunglasses all day. By the afternoon I was on hypermode.  Once I tip over the exhaustion phase my brain hits hypermode...which means it is going a hundred miles and hour.  I swept my deck, I grocery shopped, I cut up vegies for roasting, I watch Dr. Oz without falling asleep.  I even watched Oprah, hoping too fall asleep.  My body would not relax enough to fall asleep.  Which lead me to the list of things I needed to do...so I could fall asleep. 

No caffiene in the afternoon

drink lots of water

drink herbal tea

No ETOH, absolutly no happy hour

no chocolate

small dinner

1 glass of milk in the evening

watch 3 hours of TV and by 10:00 PM I get sleepy

Of course, Greg had to spend the evening with me which means...he had to listen to me...as I am saying...look at me...I can't stop talking...I look like last nights left overs and I am totally wired on lack of sleep.

Today I am much calmer...I slept all night...till 0715 (which is sleeping in for me) and I get breakfast in bed...better do something with this pony tail on my head, it is starting to look like another pet I should name.  Enzo is starting to growl at it when I walk and it bounces around.

Insomnia

Well as you can see by the time of this blog that I am experiencing insomnia.  I hear other people deal with insomnia but I rarely have suffered this malady.  It is a good thing that I have a day off...but it really is going to screw with my enjoyment of the day and there is no way I can go to the gym at 0430 when I am up typing at 0130.  I have been spending the last few minutes researching insomnia...kinda boring but not enough to make me sleepy...here are a few excepts from an article I found.

"There are lots of different possible causes of insomnia. The three most major causes of insomnia are psychological causes, physical causes, and temporary events or factors. Stress is one of the number one causes of insomnia, and can leave a person feeling anxious and depressed.

Hormonal changes in women are often a cause of insomnia, and these include premenstrual syndrome, menstruation and pregnancy, just to name a few examples."

Researching insomnia is a hoot...there are thousands of blogs on insomnia.  So, I have taken the first step...get out of bed, instead of tossing and turning.

I fixed myself a nice cup of herbal tea...starting to feel a little sleepy.

What cracks me up is that as soon as I got out of bed and put some clothes on Enzo was up and perky.  He followed me downstairs and now he is totally sacked out...cause he knows it is still the middle of the night.

Just saw a car drive down the street...another insomniac??? Ok...now I am ready for sweet dreams....zzzzzz

SAD

Seasonal Affect Disorder...or just plain SAD.  Today was the first day I felt SAD.  I can tell the difference from the run of the mill blues and the SAD.  If feels different.  It is totally weather related...the deprivation of light.

I love the snow and there just hasn't been enough of it...I know some people in this town are happy as clams to not have snow to dig out...but snow reflects the sun and I get more excercise shoveling and tromping around with Enzo.  Today's weather, cold, wind, a peep of sun, then cold, wind and more cold and wet.  Yuck.

I want SAD to stand for...sudden Annie dance or sing and dance or some attitude dude....anything but seasonal affect disorder!

How do I take care of my SAD...

I to go to work so I can pretend while inside that the sun is brusting through the cloud, I pick out new fabrics to start a new quilt or I watch a sad movie and just get it all out of me....no SAD for me!

Feel The Burn....

I hate excercising. 

I love how I feel after excercising. 

I hate trying on clothes. 

I love trying clothes on after I have excercised and lost weight. 

I hate magazines that touch up photographs

I love books without pictures

I hate seeing my profile in the mirror.

I love seeing myself in the mirror before I put my glasses on.

I hate my 10x mirror

I love my reflection in a rain spotted window.

I love Greg and Enzo because love is blind.

Girlfriends, Amigas, Vriendin, 여자 친구, Amica

I think I can deal with anything if I have girlfriends.  Not just friends but girlfriends.  Not just girlfriends...but GIRLFRIENDS!

There are all kinds of friends but when someone is my girlfriend it takes on a special meaning.  I don't call everyone my girlfriend, sometimes in conversation I will say "this friend of mine" or "that friend of mine."  But when I say..."my girlfriend said this" or "my girlfriend did that" I am talking about a different relationship that is kinship to sister but without the history of childhood.

This past week I had the joy of spending time with an old girlfriend...not old as in..."boy does she look old" but old in that she brings our history to the table.  It is fascinating as only I seem to spend time on...what is going on below the surface.  We both fall right back into our relationship...we bring the past to the present and create another dot in the timeline of our history.  It has a conforting feel...it is like looking up at the night sky and out of the billions of stars you recognize the one that holds your history.

So yesterday I was blessed in a different way.  My "girlfriend" is a soon to be knitting protege and in order for both of us to enjoy the day I took her to the Stitchin' Post.  She could look at yarn and I could "just look" at fabric.  I knew immediately upon arrival that this was dangerous.  As soon as I entered it was a lost cause.  The employees were asking me where my "girlfriends" were...I said that I was with a different girlfriend who is starting to knit.  What happened within a few short minutes was my girlfriends started channeling themselves...I could hear their voices in my head (especially Lori's) and I found myself walking around with a piles of stuff in my hands.

Which brings me too this quote...I can never ever go anywhere without my girlfriends channeling themselves...but the channeling is not as much fun as their physical presence.  But, the channeling made me acknowledge what a strong group of women that I have in my "girlfriend" circle. 

This weekend was a way for my "old" girlfriend and I to "knit and purl" our lives together and for me to again realize how very blessed I am for the women in my life.

I Want My Cake And Eat It Too....

I went to the Wedding Fair yesterday.  It was one of those experiences that I have never had before.  One reason, there has never been anyone in my family who has gotten married that required my expertise...namely cake tasting!

The idea of a fair is a good one.  Vendors set up their displays...so beautifully.  Each future bride is given a tiara as she enters and you have the perfect mixture for a highly emotional, fully charged event...where mom just opens her check book and they both say...ooohhhhhh how beautiful!.  You could feel the excitment in the air! 

It isn't long though before you notice the worry lines showing up on the future brides faces.  The little seed of understanding, that as beautiful as this all is...so much of it is financially out of reach.  That the fairy tale wedding could put you into a reality of debt...and most likely mom and dad have lost a good chunk of their retirement in the last 3 years.

As I moved through the crowd with a dear friend who agreed to be Franck 3...what would I do without my Franck's...I was on a mission...to find a cake...don't look right or left at all the things that one "needs" to have for a perfect wedding (ie, having your teeth bleached).  It was shocking to me that wedding cakes are priced by the slice.  With this understanding I started asking..."a cake like this one for 80 people...what is the cost?"  The vendor would whip out the calculator and multiple the slice charge by 80...the price ended up being some where between $295 to you name it...there was one vendor who made cakes that cost $12 a slice!  Costco was there and you could buy one of their sheet cakes with white frosting decorated with white roses for $16...a cake!

Some of the cakes were works of art, the flowers edible, the design amazing.  My favorite was actually one made by The Cake Lady with pinecones and pine boughs...it was so Central Oregon and different...I have always like different...I have always walked to a slightly different drummer.

Although I tasted my share of cake...and pretty much made myself slightly nauseated with all that sweetness...I came to the conclusion that cake represents the wedding in way that is steeped in history.  In doing some research I found this entry....

"According to one long-forgotten tradition, the bottom layer of a wedding cake represents the couple as a family, and the top layer represents them as a couple. Each layer in between represents a child you hope to have. "

With that said I have a big job ahead of me...how to convince Peter and Sarah that they need a cake with a least 6 layers...Byron could use a few more siblings...ah, but I am getting ahead of myself...it must be all that sugar!

It's My Money I Can Do What I Want Too....

I have always been flexible about who and what and where my financial donations go.  There has been a lot of thought through the years and where my money ends up reflects my own life transition.

Greg is a United Way donator and a big tipper.  I consider tipping a donation of sorts also.  I know that those who pump our gas, serve our meals or make a great cup of coffee are usually making minimum wage.  I appreciate the face that they are working for the man, trying to meet a living responsibility...so giving the guy a tip who pumps my gas...makes me feel like I am putting my money in the hands of someone who is trying.

Now for me, donations is not as simple as Greg's.  I move money around based on my heart and where my brain is focused.  Once in a great while I will give money to a person on the street asking for money...but not very often.  When I was a church going gal, I donated on a weekly basis...cash only...never in those pretty envelopes.  I have sent money to the retirement fund for the Franciscian Brothers...love them...but not any more...might be used by the bishop to build his big a** church or pay off his lawsuits.

I love donations that are of a personal nature.  Ones I know where the outcome lands.  I like knowing that what I donated actually ended up exactly where I intended it to be.  I like donating anonymously.  I do not care for pats on the back or recognition...I do not like the feeling whoever I donated too should feel grateful too me...I prefer they never know where it came from.

On the other hand I have been mulling over my regular donations.  I do not attend church, do not send money to the retirement fund of the Franciscans and do not have auto deduct for United Way...so where do I want to donate on a regular basis???

This year I chose the International Response Fund of the Red Cross and Central Asia Institute that build schools for girls in Afghanistan (read, Three Cups of Tea).  Both have a history of tangible use of donated money...and now that they are listed on my "on line bill pay" it will be good reminder that the world is woven from one cloth and what happens to a person on one side will affect those on the other...we must look beyond our own front porch.

WTF

You have got to wonder about people who are so full of their own message that they can deny the world help in order to be righteous.

We start with Pat Robertson's comment on the earthquake in Haiti..."the country has been "cursed by one thing after another" since they "swore a pact to the devil." There are some relgious leaders that feel orgasmic over every disaster that happens in the world, twisting and turning the information to promote their own leadership...asking for donantions to fill their own larder.

Then we have Rush Limbaugh, "Everything this president sees is a political opportunity, including Haiti, and he will use it to burnish his credentials with minorities in this country and around the world, and to accuse Republicans of having no compassion,” Limbaugh said in comments flagged by the liberal blog Think Progress.

Limbaugh has come under fire from both the right and the left for saying that the earthquake played directly into Obama’s hands, allowing him to look “compassionate.”

So here are two people who speak for their followers...and they think that the President is trying to boost his credentials and the devil did it...give me a break.  It is scary to think that between the 2 of them, there are thousands of followers who are hanging on their every word.  They are both self serving entertainers.

You take a look at the photos, the bodies piled everywhere and you are going to take a stand that promotes your own agenda?  You are encouraging your listeners to not give financial help to make a political point....?  or you are asking for your own donantions so you can combat the devil...cause look what he did???  Pat Robertson would be the last person I would donate a cent and Rush Limbaugh...well he always shows me there is a new low.

I Got Junk In My Trunk...

Today I woke up feeling like I got junk in my trunk...not in a good way...like I am draggin'.  It is the kind of morning where the alarm goes off and you can't even let yourself have a brain conversation...otherwise you would just skip the gym, cover yourself up in the blankets and hope tomorrow will arrive....later. 

My asthma has been bothering me for about 3 weeks and I am coughing a lot at night. So, I took a Niquil...why would anyone buy illegal drugs...this drug knocks you out, and it is in a pretty green capsule.

So, as I was dragging my junk around the gym I thought...my god, I not only am dragging around like I have junk in my trunk but, I really do have a lot of junk in my trunk and I had better get movin' or my trunk is going to have a whole lot of junk.

When Fergie sings...her junk sounds sexy.  Mine has gym pants stretched over it and if I don't start paying attention I am going to have to name it, open a saving account so it will have a good retirement.

What I do know is that I can do anything for a day...so me and my junk are going to work...thank god, Greg made a great pot of coffee... 

I See The Devil In There....

So, there is this Reverend in London who is blessing laptops and cell phones.  I was speechless.  Hummm, the photo looks like a real church and it looks like a real Reverend...but he is blessing laps tops and cell phones....hummmm

"It's the technology that is our daily working tool, and it's a technology we should bless," said Parrott, of the St. Lawrence Jewry.

Parrott said it was a reminder to London's busy office workers that God's grace can reach them in a multitude of ways.

So I think I need to get ahold of this guy to do an exorism of the computers in room 3 & 4...cause I think the devils in them...I swear I saw some horns in the reflection of the screen and maybe if we could get one of the local church people to come bless the things we could actually get our work done.

Recovery Day

This morning was Recovery Day in my spinning class.  It is supposed to happen about every 6 weeks.  But, because of some die hards that are teacher's pets...it comes when it comes.  I love recovery day.  The premise of recovery day is you spend all the previous work out days working to your maximum...striving to stay at the peak...making those muscles burn.  Then you body needs a recovery day.  It is not that you don't sweat or have a good workout...it just means you are working at a level that allows the muscles to rest and heal.

Today as I was spinning my brain was free floating...recovery...hey! this idea would work in other areas of life.  You're putting in the maximum effort and suddenly something tells you...hey, you need a recovery period!  And so in relationships with others, you work to be healthy, you put a lot of effort into understanding where you have been in this relationship and where you are going.  You see the patterns, you hear the same yada yada...but now, you accept that you need a recovery day.  You give yourself a break and you let the mind move at a nice peaceful pace, instead of your normal frenetic pace...and then you hear it...your 2010 word...

RELEASE....ahhhhh

Money Money Makes The World Go Round...

Yesterday as Greg and I were taking Enzo for a walk down the road I noticed some money lying in the dirt.  $20 to be exact.  When ever I find money whether it be 1 cent or $20, I feel a thrill of discovery.  One time when we were pretty broke, living barely paycheck to paycheck Greg kicked something on the ground...when he stopped to see what it was...he was shocked.  It was a $50 dollar bill folded up into a tiny little triangle. Once we realized that there was no way to find the owner and the $50 was ours...we were dancing around holding each others hands....back then $50 was sooooo much money.

Today finding the $20 was exciting also...but, time has made a difference.  I no longer felt the $20 was mine.  Although I did feel the thrill of discovery...I am in a different place.  The $20 does not make or break my life.  I am complete.  So, what to do with the $20?  

I remember finding some money on the ground in San Francisco and in the next block there was a guy who was begging for money to buy some shoes...so I gave him the money.

This $20 belongs to someone else...I am happy I found it...but it doesn't feel like mine...I just don't know whose it is...so I carried it around with me today, looking into the faces of people I passed...is it yours? no...so I will keep it a little longer...until I feel...who it belongs too.

Questions, Questions

Yesterday I was having a phone conversation with my sister.  We spent time catching up on our respective lives.  She was heading out that evening to a dining group she belongs too.  A good group of friends that rotate once a month to each others homes to share a tasty dinner.  Last night was going to be at one of her friend's home that I had met.  So, I told her to please extend my greeting...and ruminated that I likes that friend of hers, she is so pleasant to be around, positive, friendly...all the things that make others want to be around.  My sister agreed and said she doesn't have any disfunction around her...which brings to mind the question..."Why Can't I Be You?"

My first response, although I do like this person...is that...you never truly know what goes on in other peoples lives.  I never want anyone else's life...I never wish for other's families, jobs, children...because longing for another's life is to miss something wonderful in your own. 

Every life has it's ups and downs.  Every life is not perfect.  Every person has a family garden with some weeds.  To fear the outcome is to lose time tending the garden.  To longingly look at anothers flower beds is to not see the deer eating your own.

For me...it is not that I do not spend some time asking Why?  But it is never completed with...Can't I Be You?

It is Why and only Why....a question for me to answer within my own exsistence...the answer to be found with what I do have.

Release

I have chosen my word for 2010...Release.  My cousin shared a site where the author spoke of new years resolutions as opposed to a revolution.  Picking a word is very personal and when you hear the word, you will know it is yours.

It was surprising, yet no surprise that I would need my word at the beginning of the year.  One of the pains that I am unable to give up because it is soooo inbedded in my child's brain is when my mother ignores me.  As a child when my sister or I would do something that would displease her, we would no longer exsist in her world.  We one time figured out that she went as long as 4 days not speaking to us or seeing us...as if we were little ghosts moving in the house.  My sister said it made us better mothers...I know we carry damage...but I have no anger because I know this behavior comes from her own long history of pain...and, I choose not to add to it but hopefully give her a little peace. 

So when I have done something that displeases her in some way I can be shunned.  It is now over a week, no calls, no emails.  I know that in some way it should be a relief but my old child brain remembers being a ghost....so, my new word...RELEASE.  I say it when I feel my heart ache and I feel it relax.  At work when something is bothering me...I say release and I relax.  I have said it sooooo many times this one week.  By saying it, I can feel less of the depression of being a ghost...and know that only time will give her the ability to see me again.

I release and I forgive...but RELEASE is my word.  The gift I give to everyone who reads this blog is a link to pick your word...you will know it when you hear it...

http://christinekane.com/blog/resolution-revolution-a-better-way-to-start-your-year/

The Wedding Planners

I had one of those "light bulb" moments yesterday.  It is an automatic understanding that the mother of the groom is somewhat on the edge of planning.  Much to my delight because I am living in the town where the marriage is to take place I have been having a blast.  Not wanting to take all the delight away from the out of town planners, but what luck...me...here...oh so sorry you can't be here...and I really am sorry.  I wish Sarah's mother and I could be like two mommies, running around rubbing our hands together saying...YES, YES...we'll take all of it!

But, back to the "light bulb" moment.  Women left to their own devices can make the wedding planning process longer, more expensive and more emotional than it has to be.  If you could step back and take a moment to visualize this picture.  Myself, my Male cousin and my cousin's uncle...me, with Franck 1 and Franck 2 meeting with the venue coordinator.  If you ever saw Father of the Bride with Martin Short you will get it.  Now Franck 1 has been an event coordinator in the past.  Franck 2, good with numbers...there to provide comic relief and eyebrow raising.  As the venue planner provided us with choices and prices, my mind is reeling.  Franck 1 has his paper and pen poised to write, ask the appropriate questions and give advice.  Franck 2, keeps a running tab in his head, raises his eyebrows to the occassional outrageous cost...although, you could see once in a while his face get that glazed look as he thought of his own future...father to 3 brides.

I literally could not have done it in an hour and a half...you heard me!  An hour and a half, venue chosen. Setting for the marriage ceremony.  Setting for the reception location, including what kinds of linens, table setting, food, libations, logistics of food delivery, cake delivery, flowers, guest arrival, dancing, cake and coffee service...I think we have got it all wrong...Father's should plan their daughters weddings.  It wouldn't take over a year to plan a wedding.  They would be less emotional and more practical...they would not have felt that pull to pay $700 for tule to be draped all over...luckily I had Franck1 and 2 with me to keep me real...so no tule!

I believe the venue planner enjoyed the interaction...how many times has she had 2 guys show up to help plan a wedding...Franck 1 and Franck 2...besides Franck 2 looks like Hugh Grant...the distraction was a win-win for us all!

Silence

It has happened.  It happens every year. First the neighbor to the right leaves on an advertureous home exchange with someone in Europe.  Once done, they head to their home in Florida.  They usually leave by November.  Next our neighbor to the left has departed for Mexico.  She usually leaves by Dec. but much to her regret she waited a little too long and left this morning.

It is silent.  Not that our neighborhood is roudy but it seems quieter.  This yearly ritual is something we look forward too...as much as we look forward to their return.  I feel peaceful.  The deer move in bigger herds across our yard and I have more deer poop than dog poop. 

There is something about silence.  Sometimes, I like the loud music that makes me dance around my house...but I also love the silence where the only thing you hear is the hummm of the fridge, an occassional ice cube being launched across the freezer and the funny sounds that Enzo makes when he is running in his sleep.

Silence...it is my winter song.

The Gym

And so this morning I was inspired again.  As Greg and I arrived at the gym the parking lot was half full already at 0430...that is...as in the morning.  I love the first week day of the New Year.  It is filled with potential. 

As we walked in the machines were already humming and the faces were ones of determination.  New hope.  I am infected with the possibility as I breath the air and start to feel good immediately.  Every one has a dream of what they want this year to be like.  For all these early morning gym rats, it is a healthier one.

This year our family will have a wedding, a birth, a move and a half marathon or two...I want to be a picture of health and to feel the glow of possibilities...

so...as for a good half of those that showed up this morning...I intend to...

Never

Never

Never

Give

UP!

A Bowlie Of Cake

It looks gross...and more than gross it makes me want to lie on the floor and kick my feet.  In fact I threw a major tantrum after I baked this cake.  I am not sure what it is about baking that doesn't love me...but it doesn't.

I remember the first chocolate cake I baked for my dad's birthday.  When I inverted the layers of the beautiful 9 inch cake onto the plate they split into fours.  I spent the next hour trying to glue the 4 quarters together with frosting, crying the entire time...traumatized by a chocolate cake.

Now years later I am no better at baking. I follow the directions, I have tried different coating for the pan but none give me the beautiful cake I want.  I let it cool, I dip the pan in water...I have tried every tip in the book. I have on the other hand become quite proficent with the "bowl cake."

To make a good bowl cake you must do the following:

 follow the direction on the recipe of any cake.

your name must be Anna or Annie.

Once the cake is completely baked remove it from the oven.

Let cool the instructed amount of time.

invert on to a cake plate.

when it doesn't come out use colorful language.

then bang the cake upside down, carefully not breaking the plate

when it doesn't come out, start screaming and banging the pan.

When it still doesn't come out, using a jumping motion

and slam the cake pan down on the plate as you land back on the floor.

this move, will release 1/2 of the cake

Lying on the floor crying and kicking your feet

will cause Greg to scoop the other half out of the pan with a spoon

dump the whole @#$%& mess into a pretty bowl.

Do not serve this at family breakfast.

You can eat it later when it is dark and no one can see you...with a spoon

Home Axis

I was reading an article in the Friday paper about how the fridge is a canvas of the family home.  It got me thinking about my own fridge and how it has evolved as Greg and I have aged.  So there I was standing in the kitchen taking a photo of the front of our fridge and Greg says that he read an article that talked about the contents of a persons fridge being a reflections of their lives.

We laughed as we opened the door and I took a picture...because we still had some holiday left overs in there...and it was kinda messy...but what the hey.

The front of our fridge has evolved as we have moved through life.  When we were first married there was nothing covering the ugly Harvest Gold fridge.  When our first child was born the magnetic alphabets moved in and moved around our fridge, sometimes acutally making words.  As work and school became a part of our lives the schedule showed up and lived there for many years...and in many different forms.  We spent lots of time trying to find the right schedule board that would actually make us meet all our appointments.  Occassionaly a budget would show up on the front, but that didn't last long.

Now we have a used black fridge.  Not our choice but came with the house...and being frugal we are using it till it sucks the energy out of our bill or dies.  Because we are not bonded to this fridge we have decorated it with our lives.  The "kitchen rules" postcard was given to me by Greg the first year we were married and has been on every fridge we have owned. 

This Kitchen's

Rule of Thumb

*********

When It's Burning...

It's Cooking

When It's Black...

It's done

Added to that are photos of some of my favorite family members.  A post card of the Napa Valley to remind me of my sister.  A letter from Byron.  Magnets that have uplifting sayings. An article about "Nine Lessons From The Garden."  My tattered life list.  A sweet hand made card from Ingre.  My massage therapist business card...the most important business card I have.  On the freezer side are 3 cards given to me from Greg and 1 from Julie, and one bumper sticker from Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville in Vegas..."Milk Sucks, Drink Margaritas."  Also a magnet that says, "Call your mother she worries!"  It is a montage of the things I love in life...but the inside...now that is another matter!

2 bottles of club soda, Lori did not drink enough vodka and club soda!  Fake gravy...yuck...gotta throw that away.  Yogurt 2 kinds, one which I don't like and I am going to throw away.  Home made jam.  Pasta.  Left over cranberry sauce (I made and Greg is using on his waffles...), veggies, cheese, a Sobee, tonic mix,  margarita mix and bread.  I think today I will totally clean out my fridge...you know...the New Year Purge.

Over all, not so bad.  The thing about is, I recommend taking a photo of the front and inside of your fridge...it really is a montage of one's life and you'd be surprised what you learn about yourself.

Oh, and all of Enzo's snacks are on the top where he can't get them!

Happy New Year

Before I start my ramblings let me wish you a Happy New Year, one filled with love, contentment and adventure.

There are two ways to approach the new year, with your cup half empty or your cup half full.  One group's year will be filled with anxiety, pain, anger, regret, complaints, joblessness, death, health problems and financial ruin.  The other's group will be filled with anxiety, pain, anger, regret, complaints, joblessness, death, health problems and financial ruin.  But one of these groups will add adventure, joy, love, peace, happiness, success and a lightness of spirit.  It came to me in that half wake state early in the morning that life is what it is...it is how we choose to hold our pain that makes a difference.

This last year in my family, there was a death, a birth, heart break, love, financial hardship, anxiety, depression, job loss, health issues...and yet it was a year where I learned so much about myself and the people I call, "my people."  It was the hardest year I have had in a long time but it was the best year...and that is life. 

So here is my recipe for making a New Year...

                      1 cup of wake up call...make sure to remove

                              all the seeds

                      1 cup of holding his face gently in my hands

                      3/4 cup of hearing what is being said

                              to this mix add

                      3/4 cup of really listening

                      2 cups of listening to what my heart is saying

                      1/4 cup of anxiety, anger, depression

be sure to pre-cook the 1/4 cup of anxiety, anger and depression until is cook down to a nice glaze....then throw it in the garbage.

                       1/2 cup of forgiveness

                       1/2 cup of grace

once these are mix lightly together, put a pinch behind each ear and walk out the door to an adventure and have the very best year!