Dependence Day

I enjoyed Ellen Goodman's article, "It's Dependence Day for us all, at some point." The gist of the article was the unrealistic view of the way we live as we grow older. For our parents generation a majority of their parents were dead before they reach retirement. If and when we reach retirement many of our parents will still be alive and we will in some way be responsible for their care. Our parents raised us to be independent and we in kind raised our children with the same mantra.

What was missing in the lesson was that caregiving continues through a person's life cycle. "needing help is not a role reversal but a joint responsibility." While a recent spat of devastating car accidents involving persons over 80 where innocents were swept up in the choice to continue driving...it brings to mind a recent conversation I had with a 79 yr old concerning their loved one who was still driving at 92. The 92 year old only drives between the hours 9 in the morning and about 3 in the afternoon. My point is that if I am an innocent driving on the road between 9 and 3 and get caught up in an accident as a result of the 92 yr old...well I am going to be raising a stink at the pearly gates! The fear of losing "car" independence is huge and is the first hallmark of the slippery slope of freedom...but can not one still be free, without a car??? The environment thinks so...we just have a hard time agreeing. And the greater question is, cannot the elderly retain their "indepencence" while being cared for or assisted in moving through the final years of this life? Losing skills and reflexes does not mean losing an independent spirit, it just means learning on both sides of the generational line, what independence does mean.