Anger

Interestingly enough for some people anger is a primary emotion.  It matters not what they view, they view it through a prisim of anger.  By viewing it through a prism the anger comes through in a variety of ways.  Whether it is condensation, arrogance, or promoting one's own intelligence and self worth.

It is with sadness that you watch these individuals because so much is lost when someone views the world first through anger and then with love.  The anger chips away at what follows it and the anger survives stronger than the love.

If you approach the world with love, any anger that follows....well...it is softer.  Anger is useful in many ways but not when it colors the love...when the love colors the anger I think it might be better.

I wonder about people who are addicted to anger.  What is the purpose?  Is there something positive that occurs for them.  I watch and see...the anger seems to limited the ability to see the world outside themselves.  I wonder if anger gives you some strength that love does not.  I wonder if anger protects your heart, where love does not?  Can you carry anger and truly give love???

The Veil

Depression is like a veil.  It covers your exsistence.  Sometimes the veil protects you from the world out there...sometimes the world out there is just too much.  There are times you can only handle what is occurring in your own heart and if you see or hear anothers, it is the straw that breaks the camels back.

Depression is like the tide...moving in and out, but not predictable like the tide...coming unexpectedly.  When you have learned to live with depression you know what you need to do under the veil.  It is your own secret and you have the keys to lift the veil and feel the sun.

The worst thing is to reveal your veil to someone who has never worn one.  They usually have perky ideas about what you need.  The veil can protect you from them because there are time the veil is made of steel.  Weaving a veil made up of tools and thoughts that can protect you in time of need is as important as a GPS when you are lost in the woods.

I like those veils that are so small that they can be hidden in your heart and whipped out in a moments notice...made up of fabric that is strong and can withstand the storm within and the storm without.

HELLOOOOO?!

Do you ever feel like you are with someone and they don't have a clue what you are about and who you are, the things that are important to you...but they are supposed to be related to you?

Helloooo, remember me...I think I was important to you...at least I think I was.  I guess there are people in the world who really do not have the capacity to see others.  I am not talking about a visual frame of reference, but seeing as...I "get" you.  I know what is important to you...I want to hear what you have to say...I would like you...to be able to complete a sentence without interrupting because I know you...would really like to complete a full sentence...

Some people like to hear their own voice...and of course the content is extremely important to the survival of the human race, because of course they have the answers for world peace, marriage, child rearing, hunger, traffic, how wasteful "Americans" are about their pets....and why you don't look so good....thank you very much.

Can you tell...I have tipped over to the dark side...and have become mean in my own mind.  Oh well, I have laughed several times in the last day...better than crying.

A Tale Of One City

I have seen things that are shocking, weird, wonderful and just plain curious.  When you have no agenda you can be more observant of the world around you.  So here is a list of the events and things I have seen in a city...in another state...in our country...

1.  A brand spanking new Mercedes Benz Tour Bus...the tour as advertised in big bold script on both sides and the back...sign up now for the real estate "Foreclosure Tour."  I kid you not!

2.  I dropped a piece of dried mango in my supposedly clean hotel room.  I did not even consider Robin's 5 second rule (which Myth Busters proved wrong, drop it throw it away) It fell slightly under my bed and when I picked it up there was something stuck to it.  So, I got my glasses and saw a gray pubic hair (and for obvious reasons which I will not go into, I knew it wasn't mine)....thank god I never go barefoot in a hotel room....euwwwwww!

3.  Everyone here knows how to use their car horn.

4.  In the last few days I have seen exactly one professional bike rider...the kind with the tight colorful bike clothes.

5.  All chain restaurants were born here and there are some I have not heard of.

6.  The sweat shop labor is here, in the form of a masseuse.  The huge building advertises $29.99 for a 75 minute massage.  This company can do 1500 massages in a day and has 200 massage therapist....I am thinking therapist is used loosely and you may not be able to communicate with your masseuse.

7.  They also have a coffee shop on every  corner.  The Pacific Northwest addiction has gravitated south.

8.  Every house I walked past had a "beware of dog" sign.  I did not hear one barking dog.  Me thinketh this population is trying to fool the thief, because I also did not see any dog poop anywhere.

9.  While city workers were cleaning out a huge fountain they gathered up coins tossed in as someone's "good luck wish" and gave them to the homeless guy waiting patiently at the edge...nice.

10.  The Lucky's grocery store in this huge city is cleaner than the Albertsons and east side Safeway in Bend.

Where In The World Is Annie???

I believe that it is good to occassionaly take a look outside my little box.  When you live in a community like Bend, you forget the smells and views of the world out yonder.  Having lived in Bend for many years I can see the evolution of "culture" but just because you have a choice of Thai restuarants does not mean you have a Thai community.  I imagine statistically that the number of African Americans in Bend still number around the 2 percent...you know less calories but still taste like real milk.

If you were to look around the community I am currently staying there would be an understanding at how really different Bend still is...

As I walked down to take part in the complimentary breakfast at my motel I am presented with hard boiled eggs, belgian waffles, bagels, oatmeal, rice in a rice cooker, miso soup, seaweed....what the hey???  You know you are not in Bend.

Walking the 2-3 miles to the hosptial I rarely pass anyone walking, and if I do not one of them is caucasian.  This is a world of cars.  In 2 days I have seen 3 people on a bike...I think all the bikes moved to Bend.  Here I feel part of the masses...except I do stand out because of my Keens and that I am walking.

The hospital staff is made up of world soup. It makes me glad that my children have experienced the world outside of Bend, at the same time I am happy for that Beaver Cleaver home town life they had also because it will change.  There are those who say Bend has changed so much in the last 20 years and yes there have been changes...more shops, more social events...but the cultural changes are much slower.

PS.  the photo was taken by Nasa from space

Happy Anniversary

I have been in love with the same man for 32 years.  But in reality a marriage that survives life, does not survive by love alone.  A wonderful marriage is made up of a variety of emotions both positive and negative.  As in any recipe it takes the right balance of ingredients.  Although a marginal cook I can mix up a fun marriage...so I am sharing my recipe...for...

"Marriage Stew"

1 cup of love

1/4 cup of mystery

1 cup of compassion

1/2 of listening

2 cups of compromise

1 cup of friendship

1/4 cup lust

pinch of anger

pour in a large bowl a cup of love, beat in the 1/4 cup of mystery to create a frothy mix.  Let sit for 10 mintues before adding the cup of compassion.  Hug the bowl and fold in the 1/2 cup of listening and really hear what is happening.  When throughly heard, 2 cups of compromise can be added. The most important ingredient that makes this recipe successful or not, is the cup of friendship but the other ingredient that gives it the spicey heat is the 1/4 cup of lust which must be sprinkled in a little at a time to mix throughly with all the flavors.  Last but not least is the pinch of anger...and I mean just a pinch...because no marriage can survive without it in the mix but if it is just a pinch the recipe will still work. Place in a warm safe place and let rise, share the finished product with your children and make it a special family recipe.

As with all recipes you can alter adding and subtracting to make it your own.

Happy Anniversary Greg....I miss you....

A Couple

Here I am...parental unit #1 had a successful surgery.  I find myself sitting in a hotel in a city I do not know.  What is weird is I cannot remember ever staying in a hotel by myself, in a city I do not know.  I was alway a couple.  Whether it was husband and wife or girlfriend and girlfriend.  I have never just been me, myself and I??? in a hotel room.  

It is a strange spot.  I had to check the hotel out...referred by the surgeon as the place to stay.  I had to check out the room...not so bad.  But, what I do know is there is nothing warm and fuzzy about being in a hotel by myself.  No amount of feng shui decor, mini appliances, dozens of channels or complementary breakfast create a feeling of that you have when you are with those you love.

Hello ~ Goodbye

It is like a revolving door of emotion.  Saying hello and then goodbye in a 24 hour period.  Coming in and touching my life...my husband, my dog, my couch, my stove...my life today is bitter sweet.  Because today I say goodbye again.  Enzo is a little taller and Greg looks a little more tired...but there have been good things for them in my absence and I hope more will come.

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder...I think it just makes me lonely for the familiar touches, smells, cadences of my life.

Explosion of Emotion

Sometimes life catches me off guard.  Being a woman, wife and mother lends itself to being in charge of the details and looking down the road for obstacels.  So when you get caught off guard it can be an explosion of emotions.

Lately my decision making ability has taken a waffling characteristic...normally a "this is what I am going to do, and doing it"  kind of person... I have become like a junk yard dog who is cornered...do I go this way, or that way...do I feel this way or that way...do I bite or cry????

This weekend was supposed to be a relaxing weekend in preparation for a more stressful time in the next few weeks.  But interestingly enough the friends I was spending the weekend with had a variety of stressful events that had either occurred recently, or were occurring currently or would be occurring in the near future.  It was the perfect storm of emotion...and as a result exhausting.  We cry for ourselves, we cry for each other, we can't solve our own problems so we try to solve each others...the result was an emotional store that didn't get replenished.

But there were moments of laughter and those are the ones that I will hang on too.....

Life is a Puzzle...But Who Has The Key???

You realize that life is one giant puzzle.  Each piece is a person, event, feeling or place and how it all fits together makes up your life.  I look at life and know that the pieces I hold in my hand can make my life easier or harder.  That each piece is a meaningful part of the success or failure...and that success is not a destination but a journey.

I am aware that just because you are a nice person does not mean you know how to put together the puzzle of a happy life.  As that old title, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" the real question is why good people don't know how to put together the puzzles of their lives...

Just because you are smart or nice has no bearing on how happy your life will be...because being book smart does not mean you'll recognize that the pieces of your life puzzle do not fit together.

Once you choose the right pieces you will unlock the answers to a better life...or is it...if you have the answers you will have all the pieces to a better life????hummm

A Road Less Traveled...

I lost a day.  Today I woke up and was hanging out with friends when the conversation turned to how long we would be together and I lost a day.  I thought I would be heading back to Bend on Sunday when in fact it was Monday.  Losing a day...or losing the memory that there was a day to lose, freaked me out.

I actually cried.  The realization that I had let my life get to a point where I would lose a day.  This is a road less traveled for me.  Basically, I am good at boundaries, orgainzation and am getting better with trying to live with a clear view of what lies down the road...but how can you view what lies down the road when you lose a day.

After discussion with friends and being reassured by Greg, I am even more committed to holding each day as if it is the most precious day of my life.  I know as humans it may be an unrealistic goal but even if I alter a fraction of my life in this positive way the road less traveled may be a wonderful path.

Watch For the Holes In Life...

...they may swallow you up.  When I am taking a trip I want to be sure to take the time to actually enjoy the process of getting from point A to point B.  I see people all the time talking away on their cell phones (I have done this) that they miss the beauty that is flying by.  They are so engrossed in their thought process that they can't see the life moving around them.

As a society we are plugged into time management and the electronics to help us with that management.  It's like life as it exsists around us is not as important  as getting through it...

I read an article where a man lost his apartment and moved into a tent, where over a 2 month period he starved to death with pnuemonia. True, he could have asked for help.  But all his "friends" said they hadn't seen him in 2 months.  His tent was discovered by some college students who were walking to a lake from the house they rented.  Now...this tent was in view of a busy highway....are we moving so fast we don't see the life around us? 

Here are some questions to ask...

Are we moving so fast we don't have time to really hear what our children say to us?

Are we moving so fast that we don't really learn what we are studying in school?

Are we moving so fast that a friends tragedy goes unnoticed?

Are we moving so fast that our cell phone or blackberry are how we relate to others?

Are we moving so fast that we don't taste what we eat?

Are we moving so fast that those we love the most and who love us, get the last little piece of left overs from our hearts at the end of the day...or did you save the best part for them?

After A Life Time Of Dreaming....

the 78 yr.old character in the movie "Up" embarks on the dream of a life time, with the help of an 8 yr. old boy.  As with many children's movies there is an adult message.  I know that I love children's books and children's movies.  The messages are always so simple and yet like a slap along side the head.

I see my children living their dreams, working hard...building the frame work of their lives.  They have both traveled more than most and have talents that use the creative side of the brain which makes the orgainzation side work in balance.  Some, you are born with and some, is cultivated in a family culture.  I want to be a role model in living a balanced life, you are healthier and happier as each decade of your life gives you more gifts and challenges.

This last year I stumbled a little and lived only in my orgainzational side.  I had lots of rules this year.  When you live on the side of your brain where rules...rule...it is always at some cost.  Sometimes you make the choice to live only on one side and it means something different for each person.

For me...it was ignoring my health. Ignoring my yard. Ignoring my quilting...all of which I love.  But, I have been writing...so, the balance is not hitting the ground totally on one side, as in a teeter totter. 

To balance out life, requires choices.  Choices require, presence of mind.  Presence of mind requires hearing your soul.  Hearing your soul requires risk...because listening to your soul means you love yourself enough to hear the truth.

3 Tips....

...from the world's most ancient culture for staying happy and healthy in tough times.

The author of the article stumbled upon research done by a cultural anthropologist on one of the world's unsolved mysteries.  The Tarahumara people much like the Moken people pictured above live off the grid.

When you think of the many staff meetings, therapy sessions, collection agency calls that many people are wading through...you might want to take a look at how to incorporate the frame work of a much more ancient people who seem content.

They give us the gift of 3 tips:

1. Embrace a gentle nature.  The Tarahumara do not like to ask direct questions as this gives off a sense of aggression.  Instead of trying to fight, hustle or overpower your challenges take a gentler approach.

2.  Take the Magic Potion.  Fun is the magic potion.  Take a moment to reflect on what you love to do most in life and go do it.

3.  Turn off the clock.  We are consumed by time...so many days till the next payday.  8 hours till that doctor appt.  2 weeks before an automatic deduct for my mortgage.  If we could live more in the present and when we have a free moment make it a moment to free your mind...we may be as happy as the Moken people who do not even have the word "when" in their vocabulary.

I enjoy reading these kinds of articles because they give me food for thought.  Am I living my life the way I would want too?  I like working.  I like the purpose of working.  I like being with people and I like being alone.  So how can I incorporate these 3 tips into my American culture life...without a doubt...work, stay out of debt and stay in the present while enjoying the goals I that I want to chase!

Cocoon

Cocoon:  to envelope or surround protectively.

There are days I want to be wrapped in a cocoon.  How comforting...no worry...warm...someone else can take care of it.

Once you enter the world of  awareness the cocoon goes away and you are in charge of how you feel and what you want to do about it.  So today I spent a day fighting the real world and wanting to be in a cocoon.

I woke up with a light whirling around my left eye...I thought it was a bug... but after a couple of swats, I realized it was my eye...and what do you know, there are a bunch more floaters in there.  Wanting to remain in my cocoon I choose to ignore it.  Then I went to the Costco pharmacy...truly a hell on earth.  Between the doctor, the insurance company and the pharmacy I have yet to leave there without a bigger problem than when I arrived.  Sure I am picking up blood pressure meds and you're making my pressure go up!!!!!!!!!!

Finally at noon time I came home and told Greg about my eye.  His logic response was...are you going to see a doctor about that....my response, NO...I don't have time.  After he left I crawled out of my cocoon and googled "bright lights whirling around your vision" and the response was see a doctor...as in right away!  So I called my eye doc and when I told them the symptoms they wanted to see me right away.

What did I find out...my vitrious is pulling away from my retina and the symtoms will go on for a couple of days.  If the retina comes with it then we have a problem.  Since I am in and out of town for the next month...she is checking out a doctor in Napa if my retina decides to detach itself.

Like a dummy, I asked what causes this...for some people...it is just age...shit!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then she took my blood pressure which was way too high.  So I came home with a appointment to check my retina when I get back into town and an appointment for a physical to find out why my blood pressure is high, why I am fat and how I can fix it all.

What I do know is that the cocoon is a nicer place.  Being an adult sucks sometimes.

Sometimes It Takes Two...

I find that sometimes whether discussing health care reform or what underwear is the most comfortable...it takes two.  If I let myself I can create a whole senario with introduction, plot and conclusion...without anyone elses input.  The story comes from my own brain and heart and I answer my own questions.  But, are they right????

I think when there are big questions in life or just interesting ones...getting anothers perspective can be eye opening.  If you listen and truly hear you might get a more interesting conclusion.  Maybe the culprit isn't who you thought it was, maybe your girlfriend didn't really mean what she was saying or maybe your husband really does think you are hot???

No matter what, letting the chatter in your head actually hear another's point of view can make your day more interesting and possibly open your heart to something you never considered.

Home Sweet Home

We spent a relaxing 3 days at the coast.  What I do know is that spending time outside your familiar box is good.  The smell is different, the pattern of life is different and your choices are different.

When you look out a window the view is refreshing...unfamiliar.  The people you meet are different because their pattern of life fits this place...not home.

But truly the best part of taking a trip, is coming home...and finding that you live in the perfect place.

Beach Dog~Mountain Dog

We are spending a few days at a friend's coast house.  This is a new experience for Enzo.  He is a mountain dog, born in the high desert and in his short 4 months he has only known mountain air.

My old brain loves the sea.  I was born on a penninsula, grew up in a coast city, went to college in a beach town.  Most of my youth was spent smelling the ocean air and listening to the sounds of the beach.  I used to think that my entire life was connected to the ocean.

That was until Greg asked if we could live somewhere different????  As I reflect to my somewhat emotional move away from the sea...I can now say that it was the best move ever.  I love the high desert, the mountain air and the variety of life...but when I am near the ocean I sleep like a baby.

I was worried about Enzo.  The walk down the boardwalk took forever.  He did not like walking on wood, nor did he like being able to see between the boards.  The pile of barking sea lions freaked him out and he wouldn't even look at them...but once his feet touched the sand...oh my god...it was shear joy!!!  I wished he wasn't so young because I would have let him off the leash.  He wanted to run like the wind!

I guess he has a little bit of both, mountain and ocean...little bit country...little bit rock 'n roll!

Happy Birthday!

It is so hard for me to fathom that my "baby" is 30 years old today.  Greg and I were talking about the day leading up to his birth.  I watched TV most of the night, called the doctor in the morning was told to wait a few more hours.  Then on the 10th of Sept. our lives changed in a way that we could have never fathomed.

Our first child taught us more then we taught him.  In fact I think children...if you listen, will teach you things about yourself and the world.  As we age, life catches our focus. But, when a child comes into it...you see view and live life filled with wonder and excitment. 

Peter...a wise soul at birth, took us on Mr. Toad's wild ride.  He made me a better person.

Happy Birthday!

Fruit of the Loom

When I say fruit of the loom, I'm not talking underwear!  This summer I took on the unheard of task of growing a vegetable.  Between all the trees and the deer, my neighborhood doesn't do vegetable gardens and even flowers are a daunting task. 

This year, I felt like giving it a try. I bought a small squash plant at the grocery store and stuck it in a pot on my deck.  With the uncommon wet spring and warm summer, lots of plants grew well...including my little 4" squash plant!

There lay within me the soul of a farmer.  I never used to be "good" with plants, indoor or out.  But, I decided to rewrite the script of my life and start believing I had a green thumb.  Lo' and behold I have several thriving indoor plants.  As you can see, my leap into raising a vegatable was also successful.

This year I grew squash, I dried fruits and I canned jam.

What does all this say to my soul...you are who you want to be.  The messages I grew up with...you are a procrastinator, you can't cook, anything green dies in your care, you can't sing...they played over and over in my brain and when I listen, they are the truth.  The real truth, is that it is old script and I am going to rewrite the script that I want to live my life by...

1.  You are not a procrastinator (kicked this one to the curb a while ago)

2.  You have a green thumb (done...have lots of plants who love me)

3.  You like to sing (I have on stage in front of hundreds of people)

4.  You are a good cook (no one has thrown up)

5.  Your beautiful, inside and out (Greg thinks so even if Vogue does not)

This year I am going to put away another script...you can't bake.  Watch out, I'm bringing baked goods to potlucks. 

I don't Wanna...

Sometimes you wake up and you just don't wanna....you don't want to get out of bed, you don't want to talk, you don't want to interact with no one, no how.  But in reality when you are a responsible adult...you get out of bed,take a shower, take the dog out for his morning constitutional and head off to work. 

Sometimes I see a "crazy" person walking down the street talking to who knows who and you think...maybe life is simpler if you were crazy.  But then you would have to wear tin foil on your head and talk the conspiracy talk.

I occassionaly want to bury my head in the sand, pretend I don't know anything and not be responsible...then I remember...I actually like everything about my life...it's just this second that makes me want to see the view down under and I get it...you can't breath when your head is buried in the sand.

Happy Labor Day

I am celebrating Labor Day.  I was given a choice of working, taking a day off using vacation pay or taking a day off without pay.  I chose a day off without pay.  This might seem a weird choice.  What I did know, when given the choice I wanted this day to be like no other.  I didn't want it to be a vacation day but to focus on the gifts of labor or for a large segment of the county the lack of labor.  I wanted to pay attention to the need for a frugal mindset, that money doesn't grow on trees.  In the past we spent what we earned, I hated to deprive my children of a comfortable life.  Although we provided an opportunity to experience the good life, we did not spoil our children because we came from people who had worked hard and lost everything and worked hard again...this time smarter and with a clearer view of what it means..."the good life."


You read the business headlines and "the economy is starting to turn around."  Sure we need some good news but the reality is...it will take years for us to recover from this economic blunder.  Unemployment is higher than it has ever been, homelessness is more infectious than the swine flu and we need to readjust our view on labor. 


If as a culture we can realize that how we live...true to ourselves, is more important than what other's think we have...especially, if what you have is really not yours until you make the 24 months of payments with interest.  Then we can be proud of how we live our lives.  Then we can celebrate Labor Day knowing our work is authentic.

Breakfast in Bed

I think everyone should try to make a habit of having breakfast in bed together at least once a week!

The ritual of having a space of time together, eating breakfast, reading the paper, talking about the headlines can lead to an intimacy that will carry you through the times where someone leaves the toliet seat up.

Even with children, it creates a bonding of family.  Trading off who fixes breakfast keeps it interesting and there are moments you will not get when the real world clock starts ticking.

When I have breakfast in bed, I feel younger, prettier and my life feels so good. Every other day we are rushing to work for the man, getting chores and lists of tasks completed...but for this moment in the week, we are two people who love the calm transition into the day, reading the paper, enjoying the fruits of our labor and we both look damm cute....you know, the rose colored glasses...they fit better when you take the time for each other.

The Headline

"Region has 6th-highest homeless rate in U.S."  How can this be?  According to the newspaper Central Oregon has 110.5 homeless persons per 10,000 residents.  They did a head count and found 2,237 homeless persons in the area, including 876 children!

The last 6 years have been one of unprecidented growth, new shopping, new schools, new homes.  With the economic climate that growth stopped so fast that everyone felt it.  You can now go around town and see acreage that is over grown with weeds but include streets and sidewalks.  Lots where old buildings were knocked down but new ones were not built.  So many were involved in the creation of this new building fever that when it stopped, the shock wave was felt by everyone.

It is sad that many of the individuals involved in construction, from the graders, to the construction crew, plumbers, electricians, landscapers and painters are struggling.  Many who built homes, are now homeless.  It is still unfathomable that life could have changed so quickly and dramatically.

In this town there is not one person or one segment of the community that has not been affected.  As construction has stopped, so have people's purchasing power...thus no eating out, no spontaneous shopping, no updating ones home, no vacations, no self care (as in massages, spa visits).  Yesterday I had a patient tell me that they no longer take their anti-depression medication because they couldn't afford it since being laid off.

The economist say we have to start spending, that it is in our spending that we will save our way of life....give me a break.  It is true that our economy is based on the circulation of money but it is my dream that my children and my children's children get the message.  You do not buy what you cannot afford to pay for...if you don't have the cash then wait.  We built our lives on a dream, supported by credit and when the credit was too full and the economy crashed...so many people lost their dreams.  Your dreams should be based on what you can create for yourself, not what you can borrow. 

I want the security of knowing my dreams will come true, I made them come true and when they do they will be here to stay.

Retirement An Elusive Goal

I was reading an article titled,"More workers see retirement as elusive goal."  How true it is...as baby boomers look at the loss that retirement accounts took this last couple of years it is disheartening.  The dream of retiring seems to be one of those carrots that is dangled in front of a donkey to keep it moving forward. 

It is interesting that one of the couples that they interviewed included a wife who was a nurse.  She has continued to work 12 hour shifts and is 58 yrs old.  Talk about depressing.  She joked that she'll be shuffling around her hosptial with a walker. lol

Although we are definately on the conservative side as far as our budget goes we still plan on pushing our retirement date further out.  Health benefits are where most people who plan on retiring have the biggest questions. 

In Europe, the land of socialized medicine...it is also the land of socialized retirement.  Makes you wish you were French!  The financial planner that helps us said that she has clients in South America...as in Americans who can't afford to retire here and are leaving their hometowns and families to retire elsewhere.  Although intriguing I can't fathom having to use a passport to see my sons and their families.

But...as I head into day #3 of 10+hr shifts (sorry, it's just a killer to my legs and brain) I hear in the back of my brain....

 Bonjour, Je m'appelle Annie, comment t'appelles-tu?

It's All In The Color And The Cut

It is all in the amount of money you want to spend...or rather how you want to spend your money.  Until this summer I have cut way back (no pun intended) on my expenditures but still keeping my same hairdresser for her skill and the way it made me feel to go to this particular shop.  When you go to a hair salon it usually is about the entire package.  How clean it is, how feng shui it's decor, how great a haircut you get and how they make you feel.

But finally this summer as I contemplated how much I really want to work in order to have my hair cut and colored at this particular salon...I had a "come to jesus" talk with myself.  Sure my hairdresser gave me a fabulous haircut.  Sure I got complements left and right.  Sure people always asked me where I had my hair done...but none of that was going to allow me to cut back at work...or even retire early.

So comes the last hold out of my much improved budget...for $20 I got my hair cut at the quickie salon.  It is not spectacular but it is functional.  Maybe I'll start cutting coupons next....

Relationships

Relationships are the most complicated union on the planet.  I have read that a dog will love you more than they love themselves...not so for humans.  Finding a person who will love you more than themselves, is very difficult.

I believe there is more than one person on the planet who is perfect for each of us and even in it's perfectness, it is work.  Finding the one and only requires that you first know who you are and how you see your future.  Only time and experience will give you a glimpse of the answer.

As I look back at my relationships, I see the good, the bad and the ugly but each one gave me a clearer picture of what I really wanted.  Each one was worth the effort because it gave me a piece of the puzzle which ultimately would complete the picture of my life.  The relationship I wanted became more defined...and even in the relationship that I see as my life long one, I have learned that I am required to be more flexible and I have had to ask myself over time, "Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy."

Sometimes it takes the stars lining up right, for two people to be in the same place, running the same pace for you to see the future.