Why Do Men Have Nipples?

I normally haven't spent the blog time giving book reviews. I read a lot, belong to a book club and know first hand that book choices are very individual. Book choices can be influenced by your mood, when you last had chocolate or who you are angry with. So what I am going to do is give you a teaser...I picked up a book totally based on it title, "Why Do Men Have Nipples." It is the best book I have read all week. Filled with questions that you always wondered about but in polite company never ask or you are just not keen on looking stupid. Such as...

1. Does eating chocolate cause acne?
2. Is sperm nutritious or fattening?
3. Do oysters really make you horny?
4. If someone is choking at a dinner party, can you do a tracheotomy with an oyster knife?
5. Does urinating on a jellyfish sting stop the burn?
6. Why do you get the munchies when you are stoned?
7. Can you drink your own urine?
8. Can you really explode from eating too much?
9. Can you swallow your own tongue?
10. Why can you ignite a fart?

These are only a fraction of the questions answered in this book but I will not give you the answers....you'll just have to risk someone seeing you buy your own copy.

The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it off to life we go....I continue to thank my lucky stars that the state of the economy came when it did. Sounds weird I know, but when I look at the timing in relation to my life, I am so glad I am still working. I still have 5-10 years of employment ahead of me and best of all my son's are at a perfect place in life's process. They can see all around them the changes in the country and yet at this point they do not have a lot to lose. No house mortgaged to the nines, no worry about how to support the family, but the benefit of seeing what overindulgence and living a life built on credit can do to you.

The only disadvantage of having the economy tank at this time in my life, is that I am being followed by the Seven Dwarfs of Menopause.....Itchy, Bitchy, Sleepy, Sweaty, Bloated, Forgetful and All Dried Up. All of those nasty little dwarfs make me much more susceptible to the "suck in factor" of the news media. I watch the news and cry, worry and suddenly want to pull up stakes and move somewhere to grow my own food, hunt my own meat (ewww, somebodies got to clean it), wear Birkenstocks and sew my own underwear. I have to get a handle on those little guys because I love my life, I love my shoes and underwear made by someone else is....well, its just the way life should be!

What Makes A Good Friend?

It may be because of all the tension in the air but I have been pondering the question of "What Makes a Good Friend?" Being in my 50's I have had many friendships. Good ones, Bad ones, temporary ones, permanent ones and ones that passed through and left something behind.

I did some research on what makes a good friend. Good friends can listen, are approachable, are trustworthy, avoid negative gossip about others, selfless rather than selfish, loyal, make time and can sensitively tell you something about a sensitive subject. Of course there are many other items that comes up in the research but this is the short list.

Some friends that have passed through my life that I wish could have stayed longer, but it takes time and it is the giving of time that really builds a relationship. In this busy world, that is a commodity. What I have found is that I have ended up with fewer friends because of time or the lack of and it can be painful to weed the friendship forest so you can keep the healthy ones...the ones where there is give and take, laughter and where you feel safe to be sad.

What I do know is that after watching the news yesterday in the next five years, you are going to need all the balanced friends you can get. I will be spending time nourishing those I love.

Tunnel Vision

It is easy to get caught up in the pace of life and not see around you. Tunnel vision is so prevalent, it makes you think it is some kind of disease. And if there is one sign of tunnel vision, it is the cell phone. I agree that the cell phone has made the process of living easy and sometimes it has saved a life. But, it has also become an appendage which encourages tunnel vision.

You'll see people driving while talking on their cell, run a red light or almost hit a pedestrian. It seems when talking while holding a cell it is harder to turn that corner...staying in your own lane is a challenge. Having a blue tooth or hand less cell phone does not help tunnel vision...instead you still have tunnel vision but you look crazy. Take downtown San Francisco, you barely can tell who is crazy and who is not because everyone is talking, walking and swinging their arms around.

When ever I see someone rushing around with a cell phone plastered to their head I remember the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. He is late, late for a very important date...oh me, oh my...I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. Imagine if he was holding a cell phone instead of a watch. He'd be so 21st century!

I rarely suffer from Tunnel Vision because life is just too fascinating and I don't want to miss a moment. I have met some incredible people and done some exciting things because I don't have tunnel vision.

So the story goes that yesterday at work a dear friend, yells, "come here!"...I never pass up an excited "come here!" I stick my head out the door, look down the long hallway and framed in the doorway is the most spectacular sunrise. I mean...I am talking the kind that does not exist in a color crayon box. I walk towards the door, press my face against the glass and gaze in wonder. The other thing that caught my eye was one of our doctors rushing to the doorway, lab coat flapping, talking rapidly into his cell phone....oblivious to the miracle behind him....Tunnel Vision.

It is our duty...a requirement of living...that if you do not suffer from tunnel vision, you must be a mentor to those who do. The only way we can stay connected and survive the hard times ahead is to provide a view point that shares goodness, beauty and peace. So I yelled at the doctor, "hey stop...look behind you!" He turned and his whole face lit up....tunnel vision arrested.

A Fine Balance

Life moves forward with an interdependency that most of us have no clue about. We only see the obvious and what affects our immediate day in and day out existence. Will the car start, because I have to get to work...I have to take a shower so there always is hot water. We only pay attention to those things that affect our comfort, happiness and personal needs.

Truly every little change is linked to another causing the world to turn. I remember reading about a movie that was based on the idea that the flap of a butterflies wings effects current on the opposite side of the earth. Fictional maybe, but true in it's concept.

A large airliner has a emergency landing while flying across the Atlantic because a volcano erupts and sends ash into the atmosphere...traveling around the globe until the plane flies through it and loses all its engines.

Last winter I had a small herd of deer in my yard several times a day, every day. So far this winter I have seen one deer...all winter long! What caused this change. Was it the weird weather we are having...yet, I saw a coyote running down the fairway....something minor or major has changed a pattern. What I don't know, is it for the better?

Some say the economic downturn was needed...was it? And how will this change affect our lives? So far it has been good for me, it has made me more observant, less wasteful and frugal. I feel grateful for my job, I work harder and I am more tired...and only time will tell if the fine balance I have created will be positive.

Monday, Monday

Every other day, every other day
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes

You can find me cryin' all the time....

OK, so that is the end of my Monday whine. In actuality today I get to teach class to a very dear friend, so in fact this Monday is better than others. It is curious how Monday has evolved to be the beginning of the week, faced with dread when in it is really Sunday which is the first day of the week. Maybe if we collective made Sunday a really awful day, Monday wouldn't seem so bad. Tuesday and Thursdays have become non days where Wed. has the moniker of Hump Day, while Friday is TGIF and Saturday....well Saturday is heaven...whereas for some, Sunday is the Lord's Day or the day to get ready for Monday.

Since I work early shift today, which means starting at 5:30 am there is not much time to get ready, drink a cup of java and ponder a blog idea...so I leave you with a joke.

Did you hear about the new low fat communion wafer?

No, I haven't

It's called "I can't believe its not Jesus"

har har...might go to purgatory for this one...I don't think it is a hell offense.

Junk Mail Phobia

Hello my name is Annie and I am a junk mail phobic. There I said it. Yesterday I started working on the pile of mail...or should I say mountain of mail that I have accumulated. Before you judge me you have to understand my process. I pick up the mail, bring it into the house dump it in a basket sitting on top of my dryer and forget about it. I hate it, I hate everything about mail. I have at least come to grips with separating it into 2 separate piles. Obvious bills and the rest. So for the most part I am paying my bills on time, but in the past when the phobia was really out of control I would be scrambling to get a payment in on time because of my fear.

Yesterday was the day to deal with the mail...it is still scattered in piles around my lovely living room today. I came face to face with the fear within me...junk mail. You see I can't just toss it, because I also have a fear of identity theft so I have to open it and shred all pieces that have my name on them. When I finally decide to deal with the pile, I am usually faced with a mountain, as I was yesterday. I realized I had not dealt with the junk mail pile since Dec. and I couldn't see the top of my dryer. It included tons of catalogs... of which I have to rip my name off the back page and shred.

I ended up with a garbage sack of toss able mail, a half a sack of things that need to be shredded and several separate piles that need to be filed, the bill pile and a check from Bend Parks and Rec for a class that was cancelled.

Now here comes the plan. I am going to put my big girl panties on and every time I pick up the mail, before I dump it in the basket I am going to deal with the junk mail immediately. That way the mail will actually fit in the basket.

This way when I acutally have to do our taxes I can find where that darn W2 ended up. The good side of dealing with a pile of junk mail yesterday was that I noticed there are substantially less credit card aps.

First Edition

I have decided to every so often blog about several topics, in the same blog. My own newspaper of sorts. Not a regularly scheduled paper but what I have found is that every so often I am moved by several articles, topics or thoughts and I just want to discuss them all! So this is the first edition of Annie's Newspaper.

The Pope gets own YouTube channel.

What a hoot! My family has a variety of religious affiliations, including Catholicism. Greg signed a paper the day we married in the catholic church to raise our children within that religion. Neither of us has any regrets. It provided a valuable structure within which to teach about humanity, justice and morality. I also loved the weekly space to meditate. In recent years I became disillusioned with the dogma of the current bishop and it seemed to me, at least in Deschutes County we were heading backwards. I thus stop attending mass and took my name off the "mail me a donation" list. For a 2,000 year old religion, set in their concrete dogma to establish a YouTube site....well is shows promise.

Happy Land.

George Economou, a Greek shipping magnate in reflecting on the state of the economy said, "We have all been living in happy land, spending what we did not have...It was a fantasy world." I want a last name like Economou....I might have more money with that name.

Portland Mayor is expected to decide soon on resignation.

Well, for all those bigots out there that said homosexuals were an abomination, the Portland mayor proves he is just like all the other heterosexual politicians. So maybe it is not heterosexual vs. homosexuality but in fact it is much tougher to keep it tucked in it's little jock strap when you are a politician. Power seems to be the aphrodisiac.

Credit Cards.

I read an article about a study done on credit card possession. They (it is always a they...who the hell is they???) said that statistically people who have credit cards even if they pay the balance off each month and carry no debt, spend more impulsively and spend more. Suzi Orman said using a credit card is being dishonest to yourself. If you have the cash, pay by cash. I know in this day and age there is a necessity to having at least credit one credit card. Heck you can't stay in a hotel without one (I tried to pay cash once...no can do...except if you stay in a hotel that rents by the hour). So, Greg and I have decided to cancel our cards and see how much money and how our spending changes over the next 6 months.

Have a great Saturday!

Dead Zone

OSU has received a grant to study Dead Zones. Surprisingly these dead zones are located off the coast of Oregon and Chile. For whatever reason these areas have such low oxygenation that crabs and fish cannot survive. Like a big round a bout in the ocean where the fish have to swim around it or die. So a $5 million grant was given to figure it out.

I have noticed Dead Zones right here in Bend. No life has been seen in these areas and people seem to just move around them. Not looking at them, because then you might feel sad. And so these places have become dead zone and have basically become part of the background. McMahans, Kayos, Merendas, Volo, Deep....at first it was shocking but now we move past them, avoiding the conscious knowledge of their existence...knowing that they are currently low oxygen areas.

Although I don't believe a stimulus package will help us discover what caused these local dead zone...I do believe, finally, a vast majority of people are grasping that greed may have sucked the oxygen right out of our lives and in order to breath and fill our lungs with oxygen we need to live within our means.

Do-Over

It was with interest that I read the paper this morning about our Commander-in-Chief's do-over. Actually I enjoyed the first swearing in...it reminded me of a wedding day. There the bride and groom are reciting their vows and they inevitably stumble. Symbolic of the humanness, the ability to stop and start over. So when I watched President Obama stumble over his oath and Chief Justice Robert's stumble over his words...I felt connected in a human way. When President Obama leaned forward to start over, I was moved by that common human response.

We need more do-overs. Especially parents. When I look back at all my starts and stops, all my embarrassing moments, all my stupid mistakes...I realize, the most personal growths occurred when I gave myself a do-over. When I didn't waste time flogging my emotional self but picked myself up and started again. Failures are steps forward, if you get the message. The issue is that most people carry their failures with them, so the pile gets bigger and the weight intolerable. So, we give up. But if you embraced the message of all those moments and put them down, you will move forward with a lighter step. Our children are individuals, not clones. When the gene pool mixes and the baby arrives, they come with a different outlook and finding a way to raise them perfectly is impossible. But finding a way to raise them with do-overs is possible.

The biggest gift that President Obama gave to his children was demonstrating that a do-over is OK. For me...if my President gets a do-over than it is only fair that I get one too!

King Of The Road

It is funny how the human brain works...or maybe it is just my weird brain. Greg and I were heading back from the gym this morning at around 6 am. Hwy 97 was still deserted and as we traveled north on the empty highway I started wondering, what was the title of that old song...the one they used in cigarette ads...the one that has something to do with roads. Greg said, "King of the Road." Then he asked me if I was a Roger Miller fan...Roger who??? Everyday life stimulates a long lost memory. Well, Greg knew a lot about "King of the Road." (he could be on Jeopardy, then I wouldn't have to work!) He said Roger Miller wrote the lyrics when stuck in a roadside motel in Boise, Idaho, didn't have a job and was watching the people travel by.

After yesterday inaugural speech (watched it twice and read it once) I bet there were a lot of people who could envision themselves in homes, working and enjoying life with a little less dread. Kings and Queens of their own domain. No longer living the lyrics of "King of the Road."

Old worn out suits and shoes,
I don't pay no union dues,
I smoke old stogies I have found Short, but not too big around
I'm a man of means by no means
King of the road.

PS. by the way if you weren't up by 7 am you missed the most gorgeous sunrise!

It's A Wonderful Day In The Neighborhood

I was going to spend a little time talking about Mr. Roger's but that will have to wait for another day. Watching the Inaugural ceremony has made me overwhelmed with emotion over the change in my life time. I had to call my mom.

Even though we have stood on opposite sides of the party lines, in speaking today we are united in what this means to us and the nation. My mom votes with how it affects her financial bottom line, but even she is happy today. When she was getting married no one would stand up as witness to her marriage because it was considered biracial. The only person who would take this task was Henry, a black man...back then, a negro...who was a friend of my dad's. When I was young and my parents bought their first house, all the neighbor's had to sign a paper saying it was OK for us to live on their street, because we were considered an interracial family. My mother moved by desire to help her family, studied and became the first minority realtor and much to the town's dismay sold the first house to a black family.

So, it is with a gratefulness that I witness the inauguration of our 44th president, who not only gives us hope, but represents the growing pains and changes that have occurred in America. Our first African American President who is the president for US ALL!

Soul Provider

I love language, especially when there is a play on the written word. Seeing a title called the Soul Provider which I believe is the name of a music group, drew my pondering eye. You see a lot of play on words in band names, book titles and in composition of the written word.

Soul Provider...now this one captured my day dreaming brain. You may have grown up in a household where there was a sole provider...but was there a soul provider. How does one become a soul provider. I do know this, everyone can be one. I think the number one trait of a soul provider is the ability to listen, without thinking. What I mean is, when someone is talking to you we rarely hear the total conversation, the intonation of voice, the facial movements accompanied by speech...well, because we are already formulating our response. It is the height of arrogance to believe that every one that speaks to us wants to have feed back from us. Sometimes they just need to be heard. I am constantly working on this, I sometimes have to go to my happy place rather than interrupt.

It is difficult to figure out in a conversation when a person wants interactive conversation and opinions or when they just want to be heard. Strife occurs when people are trying to be heard and the voices get louder and louder...and then the missiles start flying because there were no soul providers. The world needs more soul providers and this requires more people willing to listen. For each person's soul longs to be recognized, cherished and set free.

Moving In, Moving Out

The statistics are that there are a moderately larger number of people who are moving in to the wonderful town of Bend, than moving out. These are based on stats from 3 of the larger moving companies, not including U-Haul because most of their stats are people moving around town.

I do wonder though if you would get a different demographic picture if you were able to include U-Haul's stats, because I don't know about you, but not everyone can afford a moving company. I suspect a lot of people who are moving out of Bend would use U-Haul because they have lost a job and can't afford to have someone else move them. Personally, I have moved a lot and have never used a moving company and have always used a pick up truck and U-Haul.

The moving in, moving out story was timely because last week when I was standing in line at Bend Broad Band contemplating slashing my cable bill, someone called my name. A woman I was acquainted with 3-4 years ago that belonged to a quilt group I attended. I had heard that she had moved on since remarrying, so was surprised to see her. When I told her I was surprised to see her and thought she had moved away, she said that they can't move until they sell their house which had been on the market 2+years. Must be tough to stay in a town that you want to be out of....

My thoughts then traveled through my brain about what it means to stay...or to have to stay...Americans are such nomads. Especially in the west. We move and seek greener pastures. We get new jobs, new friends, new homes and leave behind family. Our history becomes more historic. With the last move we made, we got stuck...in a good way...we love our town, we love being employed and we created history for our children. We have developed a familiarity that comes from moving in and staying. Our friends have become our family and our long history gives us a sense of family. Through a stroke of providence a family member moves to town with his family and suddenly there is a real sense of home.

What I know is sometimes moving in and settling...really committing to a place...brings security and peace of our own chosing.

Rituals

One of the rituals that developed the year before our youngest left for college was weekend breakfast in bed. Back then it was hit and miss, but gave us a taste of how wonderful some rituals can be. So, when we moved into our lives as empty nesters it became a weekly ritual only to be interrupted by the occasional trip out of town or an event where we had to be out the door early. Otherwise, every weekend we start the day with breakfast in bed. One day I make breakfast and the other Greg makes breakfast (I like his day better cause he always makes waffles). Fresh brewed coffee, breakfast on a tray and the morning paper. The day starts off perfect. On these days you can count on having slept in a little, good food, coffee and lively discussions about the news.

So this morning since I woke up first I decided that I would make breakfast. There is something wonderful about rituals, after many times of repetition it is almost like a meditative practice. Grind the coffee beans, get the tray down, organize the cooking so everything will finish at the same time and the warm aroma will still be rising as you enter the bedroom....and last but not least go out the door, down the driveway to pick up the morning paper....

WHAT THE HECK....no paper...when you have a ritual and something disrupts it unexpectedly...well there is potential for the day to go to hell. So, I immediately get on the phone, track down someone at the Bulletin and request a paper...preferably before my coffee is cold.

Alas, 3 minutes had passed and no paper. So, I took breakfast upstairs and then brought the lap top up. What I can tell you is that reading the news on a laptop in bed with breakfast is not the same. Today I had another discovery...the printed word on paper, one in which you can fold and shake, is much more satisfying. Lucky for us before we finished, the paper arrived and our day was off to a good start.

Taglines

Today's paper had an article about taglines. Taglines are used in advertising, it's something that makes the first impression on people. According to the article is should be short, reach out and speak to the needs and wants that your audience has and something that they can identify with. A phrase or short group of words that defines a business.

Some local taglines are, "The Life We Love" (Mill District), "It's Why We're Here" (Deschutes River Conservancy), "Who Knew!" (Redmond Downtowners Assoc.), "Book Lovers Never Go To Bed Alone" (Between the Covers bookstore).

Famous ones include, "Just Do It" (Nike), "Got Milk" (California Milk Counsel).

A tagline should be easy to understand, deliver a message and inspire something greater.

I think if each person developed their own tagline it could rock their world. The process requires quiet thought about who you are and what you want the world to know about you. If your tagline becomes your daily mantra it can change how each day looks and you path could be altered.

I developed a tagline several years ago and once that happened my life started to evolve. I added it to the bottom of my emails and letters and it is who I am. So I sign off with my tagline....

"I Live In The Possibilities"

What will be your tagline????

Fairy Dust

I wish I had a velvet pouch filled with fairy dust. I would sprinkle a little on each person I know who is suffering.

We are only half way through the first month of 2009 and we continue to see decline around us. Another store closes, another couple divorces, people losing their homes, cars, jobs...having to move to find work in other places that don't have work...

It makes me think of my parents...this is why they were always harping on us about waste, this is why they never went out to eat, this is why they kept cars until they were really old, this is why they save yogurt containers to reuse...they have lived through an event like this. They have stood in line for a bag of flour, they have lived with multi-generational households, they have worked at whatever job they could get and walked miles to get there.

So as I sit in my warm home with a cupboard filled with food and I head out the door to my job...I will drag my garbage bag of fairy dust and sprinkle it on each person I meet (god knows a pouch is not going to cover it) and although it may not give others a home, money or companionship it will be a moment where I can give a smile to lift the heart.

LOL=Laugh Out Loud

I have decided that it is important more than ever to be around people who make you laugh out loud. They are the ones that no matter how tough things are, can make a funny. It is not the ones with their heads in the clouds or the ones who don't want to think about anything that is negative. It is the people who can look at the downside, recognize the pain and still make you laugh out loud.

I hear all the time that people want to be around only positive people...no negative. What are we a stepford nation??? The people who will come out on top with be the ones who can see the negative, empathize and still laugh out loud.

This morning we moved like zombies through our weekday morning routine...

alarm at 0400
put gym clothes on
Greg pours coffee in our travel mugs
get in car at 0420
enter gym at 0430
aerobic exercise and weight training 1 hour
back in car
home by 0545
fix breakfast/coffee and paper
Greg turns on shower to heat it up 0625
Anna gets in shower
Greg's turn for shower and he steps in with his ball cap on.... LOL...what?
Are you trying to save money on shampoo? No, I am going to wash my ball cap with it on my head...LOL

If there is one thing this guy can do is make me laugh out loud.

Reeling It In....

Before I start my blog today I have to say, the truly best thing about getting up really early every morning is the off chance that the sunrise will be breath taking. This morning it was stunning and I don't care what anyone says, the sunrises over the desert are spectacular!

So, reeling it in...yesterday was a day to figuring out ways to reel it in financially. There are ways the we and others spend our money without really thinking about what we are getting for the expenditure. So in an attempt to be a totally concious spender and opposed to spending unconciously, I took a look at 2 areas of our monthy bills. Phone and Cable. My phone serves is changing without my control in April. My company was bought out by another. I spent half an hour in line to talk with someone about the new service provider and got the distinct impression it was going to cost me more from the literature I was reading in line. I realized that this was going to be a bigger decision than I could make after a day at work.

Next I moved on the Bend Broad Band. Stood in line there to find out why my cable bill went up by $25. Come to find out I had living on a special price plan that ended on Dec. 31. So I sat down with the customer service person and reviewed my cable bill. Bottom line, I am paying for a cable program that Greg and I rarely use...we just don't watch TV often enough to pay for The Bronze package so I axed that and went back to basic. We watch any television programs that interest us on the Internet...so cable is a waste for us. Next...do I need a land line...I was too nervous to ax that, because with a cell phone only home it takes 911 longer to figure out where to come to save your life. So with the rate increase and the decrease in what I subcribed too, my bill is now back to where it was last month...go figure pay more, get less.

The upside of reeling it in is that I now get half the junk mail. It cost to much for businesses to send out those pretty colored sales ads and I my newspaper is filled mostly with news, not ads because of the economy...so there is an upside.

Trim Your Sails

I feel quieter today. I know what is ahead. If there is one thing I have a little more than the next guy it is a heighten sense of intuition...or in modern terms...spidey sense. The ball dropped at work on Friday, pretty much everyone stunned...trying to lift each other up. But this I know, given time and reflection some will panic and sadness will set in....so I am not looking forward to this day. Everyone will have had the weekend to really think about how this restructuring is going to affect them. There will be many changes over the next few weeks and each person will deal with it in their own way...a pressure cooker of sorts.

As for me I stayed in rehab mode and became even more committed to making sure my family is strong...geez, I am my mother's daughter! LOL She is all about family and it is because of this I remain resolute, so that my great great great grandchildren will have a decent life. Each one of these days I think we need to stay focused not only on ourselves but what we teach our children about being generous of spirit but cheap! LOL With that we have found a new happy hour place, good food and decent libations at a fraction of the cost of El Cap. Life moves on and so do we.

Ramblin' Roads

or thoughts. Today is a day to ponder what is going on around me. The last day of rehab is going to prepare me for recovery mode tomorrow. Yesterday was a wonderful day of connection with my quilting group. It filled all the need for connection and support besides allowing me to finish some hand work. We decided this is a necessity, especially in this times.

I started reading Suzi Orman's book, "Action Plan for 2009" and boy is it chocked full of great information. Some things we already have implemented, some it was good to get the reinforcement and some we are going to start. Implementing and securing your future is not only for the benefit of your own retirement, but as in my family, for the future security and education of generations following. No one is untouched by what is happening.

The question comes, how to enjoy life when so much hardship rotates around our individual lives and how to make the everyday be joyful? I have been cutting Greg's hair for over 31 years, not just because we're cheap and it has saved us a ton of money (we are and it does) but there is a real intimacy that occurs during the process. Every day events can be free and yet enjoyable.

Friday, I got the bleak news of how my employer is going to solve their financial hardship. It was scary to hear but I am a "yank the band aid off fast" kind of gal...so just give me the news and I will figure it out. Greg has his "come to Jesus" meeting tomorrow....no one is going to escape this one...so where to find the joy...sometimes in the unexpected.

Last night while rummaging though my frozen chocolate stash I found a note and $20 from my youngest son. A couple of weeks ago when he was in Bend he tried to pay me back for something and I refused. So when he left for Portland he wrapped the $20 in a note that said, "just to make sure you didn't try to give it back to me" and hid it in the freezer amongst my chocolate. I was truly stunned...which doesn't happen often... on so many levels. One, moved by the man this boy had become and two....well it left me speechless. Obviously the son knows his mother's weakness and knew the chocolate would call my name. lol

Easy Rider Interrupted

Our dinner conversation last night hit a variety of targets with an extended discussion over the new Clint Eastwood movie, "Gran Torino." The discussion went from the good 'ol boy attitude to life growing up with prejudice. But as often happens we ended up talking about ourselves, our children and parenting.

Greg was saying that it is funny that he gave up motorcycle riding, only to have one of our son's ride a motor cycle as a adult. Although he would not want to own or ride a motorcycle now, it is peculiar that his sacrifice did not prevent a child from taking the risk. At which point I said...if I had only had big colored hair, tattoos and piercing...I may have spared myself the scary period of watching a child experiment and choose a variety of these options. For this I know, that teenagers tend to choose the exact opposite of their parents.

If Greg and I had been easy riders with tight leathers, tattoos, smoking and cursing...our teenagers may have chosen the priesthood!

Good thing for easy rider interrupted, because we were decent parents and our children survived their teen years (minus a van, some holes in their body and possible wildness that is better not to know about...such as a street sign that was run over) and now they have wonderful women in their lives.

But who knows, when they settled down and increase their family size...we may just ride up on a Harley with tattoos and leathers to pick up our grandchildren and say, "oh by the way did I ever tell you about the time... Wonder if they'll think we are cool??? Rockin' A!!!

Goin' into Rehab

I am going into Rehab. What is it about rehab that is attractive? There are reality shows about drug, alcohol, sex and gambling rehab. At the very least when you are in rehab you don't have to worry about anybody but yourself in that moment. You don't have to cook. You always have someone to talk too and you can be as bitchy as you want...in fact they expect it will happen. You are supposed to purge the negative forces in your life and move forward.

I used to work at a psychiatric day treatment center. We provided snacks, emotional support, fun games, art, bus passes, psychological support and connection. Sounds good.

So I am going into rehab this weekend. I have decided when I leave work today I am going to put myself in the rehab frame of mind. I am going to eat deliciously made food, I am going to read, spend a day with friends, indulge in the arts, watch a movie, have breakfast in bed with my honey and spend the entire weekend rehabilitating myself so Monday I can be in recovery mode.

The only thing I am not going to give myself this weekend is a bus pass...I am going to work on that...I am a public transit kind of gal...but in rehab you always have to have something to work on...you don't come out cured...so bus ridership is what I will work on!

A Four Letter Word!

When we hear that someone said a four letter word we all know how that translates. Yesterday was a series of four letter words. You have to understand that I spent my teen years on the open ocean with a variety of sailors, so my 4 letter vocabulary was colorful. I only realized I was a lady when I met Greg and he was a gentleman. So now the four letter words only come out on occasion and I have increased the list.

So, back to yesterday. After work I was meeting Robin downtown for coffee before we headed to the Tulan Center to experience a variety of alternative health interventions. Since I was also going to be attending a birthday party for my very spunky second cousin I wanted to shop at Leapin Lizards for a gift (see a previous blog about shopping local). Oh, you need to know that in my family I am the oldest cousin and so I now have many second cousins who are under 6 so get to shop at Leapin Lizards which is way too fun. I digress....well the parking downtown is challenging especially when you want to park on Wall Street. I found a space in front of Starbucks....walked back to Leapin Lizards...found a gift immediately because once walking through the door you immediately regress and they always say buy for someone what you would like to recieve! Walking back to my car my feet started hurting...I heard the beginning of rumbling from them...shit these shoes hurt....once I got back to my car I realized I didn't have the cash I would need for the evening so I walked back down Wall Street to Wells Fargo....by then the feet were really screaming four letter words. On the way back to Starbucks I stopped at Merenda's and pushed my face against the window...it was so sad...one table still set with linen napkins, silver ware, and salad plates. The fan spinning slowly over the bar in total darkness...then more colorful language snaked from my feet making it's way to my mouth.

Now, here is where I increased my vocabulary...as I reaching Starbucks...no Robin in sight...my brain kicked in and recognized another four letter word....3 feet tall....SALE!!!!!

As my brain registered this new four letter word, the clerk said ( and this was in really slow motion I swear ) the shoes in this room are half price.....another four letter word....SHOE.

In 30 seconds I purchased a pair of red Josef Seibel's, my absolutely favorite shoe maker. My feet shut up, nothing nasty came out of my mouth and my brain registered 2 new four letter words for the day. Best of all walking next door to Starbucks Robin immediately noticed I had red shoes on....

Money or Suicide...hummmm

I was disturbed to hear a report of a German billionaire who at the age of 74 killed himself. Of course the facts I have learned all come from the news media and so must be viewed through a rose colored magnifying glass. He spent his life building a family fortune by establishing a variety of companies and over the last year with the global economic crisis and speculation in Volkswagen stock came to the brink of ruin. Now in my own mind a man who can build a billion dollar empire has the guts, intelligence and ingenuity to begin again or preserve what is left. 70 years or not.

But instead he chose to stand in front of a train.

Greg says, suicide is the ultimate of self importance. That this man's view of himself is more important than his family. I believe there are times in every one's life where we get to the edge of the black hole and if we love, we chose our family and not our self. Thus we live another day. As I ponder this, I have an inkling that this man was so fearful. His family in a released statement said, "the uncertainty of recent weeks and the helplessness of no longer being able to handle the situation, broke this passionate man."

So, instead of the memory of a man who worked hard, built an empire and who showed everyone that the tough keep going...he leaves his family with the legacy of suicide and the inability to redefine himself.

Geez, what a waste...because not only is he dead but he leaves a legacy of suicide for generations of his family. How he chose to alleviate his own pain and fear, now leaves his family to deal with these uncertain times without his vast knowledge.

Ocularendoritis

As described to me in my spinning class by a fellow spinner...it is where the ocular nerve migrates through the body and wraps itself around your colon giving you a shitty view on life.

I think 2008 was filled with people suffering from this malady. There has yet to be a vaccine developed to prevent the migration of the nerve, but the Mayo Clinic has released 10 steps you can take to boost your immune system....

1. get your endorphins pumping any way you can
2. eat whole foods (a few less pounds feels better)
3. limit caffeine to no more than 2 cups a day (more an you may be tempted to read the paper)
4. smile at each person you pass (it will boost their immune system)
5. Try something new (it has to be legal, because if you have looked at mug shots...all of them have the disease)
6. pay yourself first (keep putting money in your savings account...it is addicting)
7. read a good book
8. watch an animated movie (listening to the kids in the theater is a boost)
9. whenever the sun is out..go outside and face it like a sunflower.

and last but not least...

10. make love with the lights off, you feel so much more beautiful.

The CDC hopes to have a vaccine for the ocularendoritis disease by 2010...so hang in there.

Happy Hour

Well, happy hour is definitely changing for Greg and I with the closing of Merenda's. After more than 30 years together (us not Merenda's and us) we adjust to changes around us without even recognizing initially we are making the change. In the past when one or both of us has had work hours cut, we adjusted our spending automatically. We didn't have to sit down and draft a new budget. We took the cut in hours as a bonus of time and just kept on...keeping on. With the economic change across the nation we also without making a concrete plan started saving, eating out less, and over all adjusted to the economy as the rest of the nation has done. No big budget meeting, no pie charts of spending...just adjusting quietly as we have always done....BUT...

our favorite happy hour place closed...now that has taken us by the short hairs. We, due to physical issues (burping and farting), both of us losing our hearing (all those concerts we went to in our youth) and a more sophisticated palate, have limited ourselves to 2 places in town after much trial and error. El Cap East (cause they know our name and we can hear) and Merenda's (cause they know our name and we like the food and it likes us). We have decreased substantially the times we go out for the obvious money reasons, and we are beginning to like my cooking. So, what to do? Do we cut out our date nights to a rare trip to El Cap or try to find an addition to replace Merenda's so we can alternate? Being picky, hard of hearing and not wanting to ruin a romantic evening with bodily functions has presented our first joint conscious decision since choosing the name of our youngest son...(not really, we have made choices about movies I want to see). We have consulted The Source...the paper of all things Bend. We might give the Happy Hour at the Blacksmith's a try and depending on if we can hear each other, the price and how the rest of the evening smells...it might be the one.

PS. Not to think we are total loons, there is no way to make it 30+ years without a lot of joint decisions...at least that is what Greg thinks....I mean me....

Rehabilitating...

That is the buzz word for 2009...how to rehabilitate our lives, get our hope back and move forward. The newspaper is filled with articles about economic hardship right along side articles about hope for an economic recovery. It is interesting that no matter what the article is professing, they always have a line about getting back to basic and what really matters....home, family, security and love.

It is somewhat frustrating that we in America have so much and yet with the a bump in the road we have to be reminded how good we have it! If there is one thing I wish for 2009 (besides dropping a few pounds) it would be that people would take responsibility for their choices. If I didn't have a job, I would hold a sign on the corner if I had too...I respect that person...who stands in the freezing cold holding a sign.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with an acquaintance who's relative was a patient in the hospital. She related a story about the care her relative received and how the nurse was pressured to leave mid care because no overtime was allowed. Her relative laid for 30 min. exposed waiting for change of shift to finish so the care could be finished. My view...I feel as bad for the manager as the nurse because they are getting constant pressure to save money...but it is the patient who is suffering in the end. So what to do during this time...get down to basics, focus on providing emotional care to the patient along with the physical care. This climate is not going to go away overnight so rather than get angry, get planning how to live true to your moral code. We have better health care than a good part of the world, not as good as some parts, but what I know is I would rather be here hospitalized than any other country.

I guess I am tired of the negative that came out of 2008 and maybe it is that my parent's life experience give me more "cup half full" perspective but for me 2009 emotionally will be the same as it has always been....I have always been grateful for the family, love, health and choices we make...it is no different than it has always been....I did not need an economic downturn to remind me, I always have known it in my heart.

Accepting That You Are Not In Control

Yesterday was one of those days where I again realize I am not in control, none of us are. Christians would say that God is control, parents say they are in control, occasionally I like to feel I am in control. The reality is that although we make decisions and choices, when it is your time...it is your time.

Connor and Jenn head out of Bend via The Breeze at around 7:00 am. As I leave them at the bus and drive to the store I notice the roads are shiny with ice and proceed with caution. By the time they are at Redmond a horrible catastrophic car accident involving 3 pickup trucks occurs between Bend and Redmond at 7:30. Tragically a Mountain View cheerleader driving her truck, on her way to a memorial service for a fellow classmate who passed on due to Leukemia in December, dies on Hwy 97 due to the icy conditions. The occupants of the other 2 pick up trucks are taken to the hospital. Connor and Jenn proceed to Portland unaware of the tragedy behind them. They reach Mt. Hood and the bus gets diverted back to Hwy 35 through Hood River because of a massive mud, tree and snow slide that crosses Hwy 26. Two vehicles are caught in the slide. Be it a much longer trip home they arrive safely.

Life is a gift, time is precious and we move through life sometimes unaware that for others their time is up...we dance, slide and skip and give thanks that we get more time...that we need more time. When you work in the medical field you are more acutely aware of how precious life is and you make life choices that will hopefully prolong your own life...as a parent, you just pray a lot and give thanks for time with your children...and that your children have arrived safely back to Portland.

So Long, Farewell, Auf Weidersehen...

good bye, adieu, adieu, adieu to you and you....

It is amazing the energy, hope and love that go into the holidays. Today, it was good bye...but a really satisfying goodbye. There is no stopping time and the one thing you can depend on is change. All the decorations are down and packed away for another year. The cleaning has begun and there is the smell of freshness in the air and it is not just the pledge dusting solution.

I am looking forward to turning a leaf, start running again and trying some alternative health choices. I know without a doubt that in another life, I was probably a greyhound dog with the rabbit running around the track in front of him. Given a goal, I feel powerful, motivated and happy. So, the gauntlet of the Dirty Half was thrown down by Mike and Mo and heck...6 months...I could probably run 13 miles again. Who knows...maybe running the Portland Marathon again is not such a far fetched idea.

What I do know is that on this Day 2 of 2009 I am most grateful for:

1. A wonderful husband
2. son's and the ones they love
3. true friends
4. the fact that I can read
5. The sun on Christmas day and New Years day
6. and a truly amazing life

Bing Bada Boom....

The ball came down and I was sleeping but I felt it happen. 2009. There is something about it that feels refreshing...maybe mother nature knew we needed a little sunshine but my windows are open and fresh air is blowing through the house. I have sun coming threw some of my windows...on Jan. 1st!

We had Family/Friends Brunch and I can without a doubt tell you...there is nothing like starting the New Year with people you love. It matters not what is happening anywhere else, because this moment in time is like no other. I am moved by the strength of young families raising their children in these fast paced times and when people can take a moment to be together, it is a gift.

Having Connor, Jenn and John home...well...it warms the heart with memories of past times together and that warmth can make you a little greedy for future times together. I miss my Peter, Sarah and Byron but I know that life is moving forward and am glad they are happy.

I hope this new year bring more times together, for that is the greatest gift of all!