Parental Nuggets

Since our children were born we have sought parental nuggets. I listen to other parents and they have the same longings. It is those moments that make us feel good about being a parent and that we actually are doing a good job. Once we take on the responsibility of another human being our path of emotional well being is interwoven with another. And so it starts, we wait patiently for the first moment when we are given a signal that we are good parents...the baby smiles! We must be fabulous parents because the baby smiled and it surely must be because the baby is happy about us! Hook, line and sinker. From then on we wait for the nuggets.

As our children grow the nuggets get farther and farther apart, they take on more complex reason. We watch how they play with other, do they share, are they kind....and we compare with other children. Parents can take a beating during these years and for the most part it is our own doing because we not only focus on our own children but any nugget we gain can be diminished by a nugget being received by another parent. Why is my child a brat and bites, why can't my child play music well....and for some powerful reason we take on the burden of all that our children are or are not. It is an interesting time for parents because we take on the god complex...somehow everything is our fault or because of our abilities. We can lose sight that our children are independent on a really basic level from the day they are born and yes we can influence them but truly they are who they are.

As children grow into adulthood the nuggets have more meaning because they are given with intent. But I find it interesting that because of all the history of nuggets given randomly without intent by our children that when they are adults we knee jerk to the nugget. Case in point....a woman I know son gave her and her husband they most wonderful nugget. He is away at a prestigious college and as a freshman was on a televised soccer game. He made the only goal and won the game for his team and to the camera from across the states said hi to his parents in Oregon. She and her husband were so proud and were jumping and screaming. She told every person she met the story. When she was telling me it was with the same excitement as if she had just heard her son....when I congratulated her and said these are really sweet parental moments, her response was well...she was waiting for the other shoe to drop...that every time he did something great it was followed by something not so great. WHAT THE HEY??? We do not give ourselves the gift of holding each nugget as it's own jewel but judge ourselves by everything and we wonder why parents look so insecure.

Yesterday I received a nugget from each son which I shared with their father so we could sit in the warm glow of the heat that the nugget gives. I put some money in our younger son's account at college and received an e-mail that I had been naughty and that I should keep our money for ourselves that he was getting paid today. When the older son arrived back to his home he called and I asked him what he wanted for Christmas this year? He said nothing, that we had done so much for him this past year and he appreciated it so much that he didn't want us to get him a present.

Hummm, can you feel the warmth...nuggets give off heat that you can save for later when you need the warmth.