Sometimes, It's The Little Things...

I did it!  I baked something from scratch and it turned out!  Cooking and baking have been one of those challenges in life I thought I would never enjoy.  Sure we all have our gifts, but I really wanted to figure this one out.  My dear sister's gifts were in this catagory along with entertaining and making you feel welcomed in her home. 

Over the last few years the cooking shows have grown into a full out network devoted to this gift or challenge depending on your outlook.  Sometimes I would watch...but it only made me feel inadequate...I hate that feeling.  I would try again and find out it is not as easy as they make it look on TV.

Lucky for me I have family and friends who can laugh and still eat what my latest disaster might be...ask the bookclub members about the cake they had to eat with a spoon (it is amazing what whip cream can do).

I have grown more confident, although experimentation is a dirty word and will always result in disaster for me.

Today is family breakfast and I decided to bring the scones.  Having been recently taught by my sister the fine art of scones I had less trepidation about the outcome, but still...there has been food on my ceiling before...I didn't want to be tooooo cocky.

Voila!  Of course Greg and I had to do a taste test so no one in my extended family would gag and cough up a scone ball...and they were perfect!  Sometimes, it is the little things in life that make you feel good about yourself.

Nobel Peace Prize Winner

A stunning annoucement, not only for the world but for the man himself.  As usual the negative spin doctors in the media are looking for the downside to an incredible hope.  Although he certainly does not measure up to past recipients in the breath of their work, he is a person embodied with the greatest potential for peace.  So, why not focus on the honor and potential of the prize.

I took in every word of his acceptance speech...he understood that what he is embarking on may not be fulfilled in his life time...I like that, it is realistic and it shows the understanding that although he won the prize, what has to be accomplished cannot be finished by one person...it is going to take a huge group effort, a shift in the world's divisions promoted by religion and the understanding that the god everyone kills for, is really mankind...exsisting as the same essence within us all.  It is a huge undertaking and he has aged in his short time as president.

So I challange everyone in my small sphere to look to the future with hope and not get sucked in the negative vortex promoted by the media and those who live in a cup half empty world...it is an incredible challenge for a man to accept the Peace Prize in the morning and paricipate in a War Council in the afternoon.

Mama Mia

Motherhood is a life time job.  For me it is not a job but a gift.  Motherhood made me a better person, challenging me to look outside myself and be amazed at what I see.

Spending time yesterday with my sons was a way to see how much and how little the effect of motherhood has on the baby.  I know, sounds confusing...but you can see the decisions you made as a mother, the type of relationship you have with your children can make a huge difference to them as adults...and at the same time, you can see how little your effect is and how strong their own personalities and world experiences make up who they are. 

What is always wonderful to observe is what a loving mother our Sarah is with her son.  You are a clean slate at birth but through the development of our own personalities, the influence of our family, you end up wih the loving gene or not...and she definately has the loving gene.  Which as I see it benefits her own son, but also my son.  Because no matter how old the boy is, no matter who he is in relationship with, they always need a little mothering and we also sometimes need a little fathering.  We like to think our grown up relationships don't require a mother or father but in fact you get that warm fuzzy feeling when someone fixes your lunch or makes sure you are OK.  It is a little dab of mothering and fathering that we never forget.

I remember when my mother in law was passing on...one foot in this world, one foot out of this world...I wanted her to feel the warmth of mothering, that someone loved her no matter what...so I sat with her, stroking her arm and telling her what a wonderful gift she gave to this world when she had her son and thereby her grandson's.  Motherhood is a gift from beginning to end.

Hazmat Suit

It seems these days you can't leave your house, nor can any of your family members if you want to stay healthy.  This is an oxymoron, since leaving your house is what gives you immunities.  I know that science is trying to give us forewarning and on a lesser scale the media may also...but having the headline say, "Swine Flu Epidemic Coming...little or no vaccine available" really stirs up the readership.

I have, according to the news barely survived my life...hepititis, AIDS, MRSA, Asian flu, bird flu, mad cow disease, E Coli in everything I eat and now swine flu.  I hear stories about someone, who knows someone, who used to work with someone...who was related that had the flu.  You don't need to get mad cow...you could just go mad with all that you read.

As I leave to visit my boys in the big city...they must have a million more contaminants, I am OK...I am ready...cause I have my handi wipes, my bottle of hand disinfectant, I've had my seasonal flu shot, I won't eat anything (right!)  at least if I eat anything I will disinfect it with ETOH...the good kind...and I have a mask...I won't look any weirder than the guy preaching the world is going to end, actually I may look prepared! LOL  (I really won't wear the mask, unless someone comes near me)

It's My Birthday...I Can Do What I Want Too...

 

Gao Gao is celebrating his birthday with an ice cake made of fruits, bamboo and honey. I plan on something a little less frozen...and although I like bamboo shoots...I am not sure I would take to the stalk.

I have taken my birthday off by using a vacation day for as long as I can remember.  There is something special about taking a break from life to celebrate the day you were born.  I don't necessarily do anything different, I am still running errands but it feels different because I am honoring my life by putting a halt to schedule I live.

For today my "half toos" are replaced by my "want toos"...and today I get to enjoy my birthday with Enzo, a built in playmate.

Today as I view the life I was born into, I look not to the difficulties but to the blessings. I am grateful for all the days, good and bad...for each event has brought me to this birthday my 56th...a life filled with a loving family, good friends, employment, home and a really great dog.

Squirrels From The Inside Out...hummm

My sister has no love loss for squirrels after one used her new patio umbrella for nesting material.  I have also lost stuffing from patio furniture and my deck at times looks like a pine cone war zone after a day of feeding in the trees above.

But yesterday as I was walking Enzo and he became very interested in something on my front lawn...I paused...of course after yelling at him to get back!

Squirrel guts.  A nice little pile of stomach, entrails and tuffs of fur.  I have lived here a while and have never seen such a site.  The squirrels around here are fast, tough and give me sass regularly.  They eat my bird food without a morsel of guilt...and if I interrupt their gorging they talk back and bang their little tiny fists at me!

The big mystery is what the hell ate the squirrel...lions and tigers and bears...oh my!  So I went on the internet and research, coyotes, hawks, eagles...and cats.  The hawks and eagles would not eat on the ground, the coyotes are just roving garbage disposals...leaving little behind.  But the cat, now this animal loves to hunt, eat and leave a present behind.  We have a wild feral cat in the neighborhood who has survived several years on the golf course.  I don't know if it is a he or she but it is yellow and white, docked tail and huge.  I'll call her a "she"...she won't let you get near her but has dodged the coyote bullet that takes every domestic cat in the neighborhood and the winter weather has done her no harm because of her huge body and thick fur.

I think the putty cat ate the squirrel! 

All I can say is, "here kitty, kitty...what a sweet kitty." OK, I did feel a little tiny bit of remorse for the squirrel...but was that a little bit of patio chair stuffing I see in that pile???  What goes around comes around...even in the squirrel world.

To Pooped To Participate

In the past I did not know the word NO.  I didn't want to miss anything.  As a kid I would stay up late and wake up early, so as to not miss a moment of life.  Burning the candle at both ends was a way of life.

As I made my way through the years I continued the pattern I was born into.  Joining clubs, volunteering, says "yes" to every invitation...I am not sure if I was chasing my perception of the perfect life or if I was afraid of what my life would be like if I stopped.

Either way I have reached a "come to Jesus" moment where I want to make conscious decision about how I want to spend my time.  I know, if I said yes to every opportunity that my candle would burn itself out.  I know that lots of fun things are happening around me but does it mean I have to say yes in order to fulfill some unknown fun adgenda? 

Can quality be better than quantity...does saying yes make people like me more?  or is always saying yes mean I like myself less? hummmm

What I do know is moments make up minutes...and minutes make up hours...and hours make up days...which make up months and years.  I want to pay attention to how I spend my moments so that I'm happy for many years.

SNOW!!!!

Oct. 4, 2009 and it is snowing.  This photo shows the type of flakes called dendrites that fall at temperatures between 27 degrees and 30 degrees.  Beautiful to look at individually, but we do not see it with the human eye.  Still, to see large flakes fall in huge masses from the night sky still is wonderous.

I always feel uplifted when I see the first snow falling in mass...even if it doesn't stick.  It reminds me that change is coming and it can be beautiful.  Seasonal affect is a part of my life, but over the years I have developed a plan of attack which has worked effectively for me.  Excercise, eating light tasty meals, catching up on my reading and quilting...which means, I take more time for myself doing those things that make me smile.  This year I have added a new piece and that is,  listening to what I let my brain hear.  Any negative statement, I am going to stop myself and turn it into a positive.  Example, "I hate the days are getting shorter!" to "The days are getting shorter, I am going to plan to read or sew more!"

My brain is the emotional brain of a child and will be excited, happy, pout or get depressed by what ever information my itellectual brain will give it...so I say give it cake! lol

Change, The Only Thing You Can Count On.

Life is changing.  My life is changing.  My family's lives are changing.  My friends are changing.  My job has changed. 

I believe even when change is stressful or painful that it can create a better life.  Change can save your life.  People who hang on and try to keep life from changing are constantly disappointed.  The non-changers usually don't survive peacefully in life,  are left questioning...how come?  Why not?  Why me?

When you accept change as an important part of your life and you embrace it...it can be less painful and more exciting. Even though I have been married to the same man for 32 years and it seems I am not changing...in fact my marriage has been one of change and with that it brought pain, growth and peace and a stronger love than if I fought all the changes it brought.

When you are presented with a choice, which will result in change...and you give yourself the opportunity to really consider and except the possibility whether the change is concrete or not, it has occurred just by the openess to consider.

I always feel a little anxious when I see a change coming, but I like the feeling, because I know life is opening like a door and who knows what is on the other side.

A friend sent me an article about Ardi, the oldest skelton of man or rather woman.  She lived 4.4 million years ago and ushered in some of the earliest signs of Bipedalism.  Change occurred and the reason for the change is fascinating reading.  So Google Ardi and read her story.  I did get a tickle out of the drawing of her made by science, as shown above...her breast look like mine...kinda hanging down a little so she must of breastfed her young.  But unlike me she looks like she has a tan line from her bikini and I don't have as much hair!

Change brought about bipedalism...bipedalism brought about Nursing...hahaha

Peek A Boo...or is it Hide and Seek???

I have played a game of hide and seek for a good part of my life.  But what I am seeking is love...but, it is hidden from me.  No matter the age, I seem to need the love of my parent, like a heat seeking missles I glide and change directions as it is hidden from me.  It is hidden from me by an ever changing wall of expectation, judgement and dissapointment.  In a perfect world children would never have to seek love...it would be like the sweet smell of air after a rain, surrounding you and entering your body with each breath.  But, this is not a perfect world and we are humans with our own pain, issues and history...if we do not pay attention we can give our pain, issues and history to our children readily,  while they have to seek out our love.

I continue to build a life filled with people who make my heart laugh while my soul cries.  With time, I can see I am laughing more and crying less.  That my strength allows for my weaknesses to have a voice...and that my weakness is as important to who I am, that is not a negative space but a mirror for my stength to see how far I have come and why my strength exists.