Easy Rider Interrupted

Our dinner conversation last night hit a variety of targets with an extended discussion over the new Clint Eastwood movie, "Gran Torino." The discussion went from the good 'ol boy attitude to life growing up with prejudice. But as often happens we ended up talking about ourselves, our children and parenting.

Greg was saying that it is funny that he gave up motorcycle riding, only to have one of our son's ride a motor cycle as a adult. Although he would not want to own or ride a motorcycle now, it is peculiar that his sacrifice did not prevent a child from taking the risk. At which point I said...if I had only had big colored hair, tattoos and piercing...I may have spared myself the scary period of watching a child experiment and choose a variety of these options. For this I know, that teenagers tend to choose the exact opposite of their parents.

If Greg and I had been easy riders with tight leathers, tattoos, smoking and cursing...our teenagers may have chosen the priesthood!

Good thing for easy rider interrupted, because we were decent parents and our children survived their teen years (minus a van, some holes in their body and possible wildness that is better not to know about...such as a street sign that was run over) and now they have wonderful women in their lives.

But who knows, when they settled down and increase their family size...we may just ride up on a Harley with tattoos and leathers to pick up our grandchildren and say, "oh by the way did I ever tell you about the time... Wonder if they'll think we are cool??? Rockin' A!!!

Goin' into Rehab

I am going into Rehab. What is it about rehab that is attractive? There are reality shows about drug, alcohol, sex and gambling rehab. At the very least when you are in rehab you don't have to worry about anybody but yourself in that moment. You don't have to cook. You always have someone to talk too and you can be as bitchy as you want...in fact they expect it will happen. You are supposed to purge the negative forces in your life and move forward.

I used to work at a psychiatric day treatment center. We provided snacks, emotional support, fun games, art, bus passes, psychological support and connection. Sounds good.

So I am going into rehab this weekend. I have decided when I leave work today I am going to put myself in the rehab frame of mind. I am going to eat deliciously made food, I am going to read, spend a day with friends, indulge in the arts, watch a movie, have breakfast in bed with my honey and spend the entire weekend rehabilitating myself so Monday I can be in recovery mode.

The only thing I am not going to give myself this weekend is a bus pass...I am going to work on that...I am a public transit kind of gal...but in rehab you always have to have something to work on...you don't come out cured...so bus ridership is what I will work on!

A Four Letter Word!

When we hear that someone said a four letter word we all know how that translates. Yesterday was a series of four letter words. You have to understand that I spent my teen years on the open ocean with a variety of sailors, so my 4 letter vocabulary was colorful. I only realized I was a lady when I met Greg and he was a gentleman. So now the four letter words only come out on occasion and I have increased the list.

So, back to yesterday. After work I was meeting Robin downtown for coffee before we headed to the Tulan Center to experience a variety of alternative health interventions. Since I was also going to be attending a birthday party for my very spunky second cousin I wanted to shop at Leapin Lizards for a gift (see a previous blog about shopping local). Oh, you need to know that in my family I am the oldest cousin and so I now have many second cousins who are under 6 so get to shop at Leapin Lizards which is way too fun. I digress....well the parking downtown is challenging especially when you want to park on Wall Street. I found a space in front of Starbucks....walked back to Leapin Lizards...found a gift immediately because once walking through the door you immediately regress and they always say buy for someone what you would like to recieve! Walking back to my car my feet started hurting...I heard the beginning of rumbling from them...shit these shoes hurt....once I got back to my car I realized I didn't have the cash I would need for the evening so I walked back down Wall Street to Wells Fargo....by then the feet were really screaming four letter words. On the way back to Starbucks I stopped at Merenda's and pushed my face against the window...it was so sad...one table still set with linen napkins, silver ware, and salad plates. The fan spinning slowly over the bar in total darkness...then more colorful language snaked from my feet making it's way to my mouth.

Now, here is where I increased my vocabulary...as I reaching Starbucks...no Robin in sight...my brain kicked in and recognized another four letter word....3 feet tall....SALE!!!!!

As my brain registered this new four letter word, the clerk said ( and this was in really slow motion I swear ) the shoes in this room are half price.....another four letter word....SHOE.

In 30 seconds I purchased a pair of red Josef Seibel's, my absolutely favorite shoe maker. My feet shut up, nothing nasty came out of my mouth and my brain registered 2 new four letter words for the day. Best of all walking next door to Starbucks Robin immediately noticed I had red shoes on....

Money or Suicide...hummmm

I was disturbed to hear a report of a German billionaire who at the age of 74 killed himself. Of course the facts I have learned all come from the news media and so must be viewed through a rose colored magnifying glass. He spent his life building a family fortune by establishing a variety of companies and over the last year with the global economic crisis and speculation in Volkswagen stock came to the brink of ruin. Now in my own mind a man who can build a billion dollar empire has the guts, intelligence and ingenuity to begin again or preserve what is left. 70 years or not.

But instead he chose to stand in front of a train.

Greg says, suicide is the ultimate of self importance. That this man's view of himself is more important than his family. I believe there are times in every one's life where we get to the edge of the black hole and if we love, we chose our family and not our self. Thus we live another day. As I ponder this, I have an inkling that this man was so fearful. His family in a released statement said, "the uncertainty of recent weeks and the helplessness of no longer being able to handle the situation, broke this passionate man."

So, instead of the memory of a man who worked hard, built an empire and who showed everyone that the tough keep going...he leaves his family with the legacy of suicide and the inability to redefine himself.

Geez, what a waste...because not only is he dead but he leaves a legacy of suicide for generations of his family. How he chose to alleviate his own pain and fear, now leaves his family to deal with these uncertain times without his vast knowledge.

Ocularendoritis

As described to me in my spinning class by a fellow spinner...it is where the ocular nerve migrates through the body and wraps itself around your colon giving you a shitty view on life.

I think 2008 was filled with people suffering from this malady. There has yet to be a vaccine developed to prevent the migration of the nerve, but the Mayo Clinic has released 10 steps you can take to boost your immune system....

1. get your endorphins pumping any way you can
2. eat whole foods (a few less pounds feels better)
3. limit caffeine to no more than 2 cups a day (more an you may be tempted to read the paper)
4. smile at each person you pass (it will boost their immune system)
5. Try something new (it has to be legal, because if you have looked at mug shots...all of them have the disease)
6. pay yourself first (keep putting money in your savings account...it is addicting)
7. read a good book
8. watch an animated movie (listening to the kids in the theater is a boost)
9. whenever the sun is out..go outside and face it like a sunflower.

and last but not least...

10. make love with the lights off, you feel so much more beautiful.

The CDC hopes to have a vaccine for the ocularendoritis disease by 2010...so hang in there.

Happy Hour

Well, happy hour is definitely changing for Greg and I with the closing of Merenda's. After more than 30 years together (us not Merenda's and us) we adjust to changes around us without even recognizing initially we are making the change. In the past when one or both of us has had work hours cut, we adjusted our spending automatically. We didn't have to sit down and draft a new budget. We took the cut in hours as a bonus of time and just kept on...keeping on. With the economic change across the nation we also without making a concrete plan started saving, eating out less, and over all adjusted to the economy as the rest of the nation has done. No big budget meeting, no pie charts of spending...just adjusting quietly as we have always done....BUT...

our favorite happy hour place closed...now that has taken us by the short hairs. We, due to physical issues (burping and farting), both of us losing our hearing (all those concerts we went to in our youth) and a more sophisticated palate, have limited ourselves to 2 places in town after much trial and error. El Cap East (cause they know our name and we can hear) and Merenda's (cause they know our name and we like the food and it likes us). We have decreased substantially the times we go out for the obvious money reasons, and we are beginning to like my cooking. So, what to do? Do we cut out our date nights to a rare trip to El Cap or try to find an addition to replace Merenda's so we can alternate? Being picky, hard of hearing and not wanting to ruin a romantic evening with bodily functions has presented our first joint conscious decision since choosing the name of our youngest son...(not really, we have made choices about movies I want to see). We have consulted The Source...the paper of all things Bend. We might give the Happy Hour at the Blacksmith's a try and depending on if we can hear each other, the price and how the rest of the evening smells...it might be the one.

PS. Not to think we are total loons, there is no way to make it 30+ years without a lot of joint decisions...at least that is what Greg thinks....I mean me....

Rehabilitating...

That is the buzz word for 2009...how to rehabilitate our lives, get our hope back and move forward. The newspaper is filled with articles about economic hardship right along side articles about hope for an economic recovery. It is interesting that no matter what the article is professing, they always have a line about getting back to basic and what really matters....home, family, security and love.

It is somewhat frustrating that we in America have so much and yet with the a bump in the road we have to be reminded how good we have it! If there is one thing I wish for 2009 (besides dropping a few pounds) it would be that people would take responsibility for their choices. If I didn't have a job, I would hold a sign on the corner if I had too...I respect that person...who stands in the freezing cold holding a sign.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with an acquaintance who's relative was a patient in the hospital. She related a story about the care her relative received and how the nurse was pressured to leave mid care because no overtime was allowed. Her relative laid for 30 min. exposed waiting for change of shift to finish so the care could be finished. My view...I feel as bad for the manager as the nurse because they are getting constant pressure to save money...but it is the patient who is suffering in the end. So what to do during this time...get down to basics, focus on providing emotional care to the patient along with the physical care. This climate is not going to go away overnight so rather than get angry, get planning how to live true to your moral code. We have better health care than a good part of the world, not as good as some parts, but what I know is I would rather be here hospitalized than any other country.

I guess I am tired of the negative that came out of 2008 and maybe it is that my parent's life experience give me more "cup half full" perspective but for me 2009 emotionally will be the same as it has always been....I have always been grateful for the family, love, health and choices we make...it is no different than it has always been....I did not need an economic downturn to remind me, I always have known it in my heart.

Accepting That You Are Not In Control

Yesterday was one of those days where I again realize I am not in control, none of us are. Christians would say that God is control, parents say they are in control, occasionally I like to feel I am in control. The reality is that although we make decisions and choices, when it is your time...it is your time.

Connor and Jenn head out of Bend via The Breeze at around 7:00 am. As I leave them at the bus and drive to the store I notice the roads are shiny with ice and proceed with caution. By the time they are at Redmond a horrible catastrophic car accident involving 3 pickup trucks occurs between Bend and Redmond at 7:30. Tragically a Mountain View cheerleader driving her truck, on her way to a memorial service for a fellow classmate who passed on due to Leukemia in December, dies on Hwy 97 due to the icy conditions. The occupants of the other 2 pick up trucks are taken to the hospital. Connor and Jenn proceed to Portland unaware of the tragedy behind them. They reach Mt. Hood and the bus gets diverted back to Hwy 35 through Hood River because of a massive mud, tree and snow slide that crosses Hwy 26. Two vehicles are caught in the slide. Be it a much longer trip home they arrive safely.

Life is a gift, time is precious and we move through life sometimes unaware that for others their time is up...we dance, slide and skip and give thanks that we get more time...that we need more time. When you work in the medical field you are more acutely aware of how precious life is and you make life choices that will hopefully prolong your own life...as a parent, you just pray a lot and give thanks for time with your children...and that your children have arrived safely back to Portland.

So Long, Farewell, Auf Weidersehen...

good bye, adieu, adieu, adieu to you and you....

It is amazing the energy, hope and love that go into the holidays. Today, it was good bye...but a really satisfying goodbye. There is no stopping time and the one thing you can depend on is change. All the decorations are down and packed away for another year. The cleaning has begun and there is the smell of freshness in the air and it is not just the pledge dusting solution.

I am looking forward to turning a leaf, start running again and trying some alternative health choices. I know without a doubt that in another life, I was probably a greyhound dog with the rabbit running around the track in front of him. Given a goal, I feel powerful, motivated and happy. So, the gauntlet of the Dirty Half was thrown down by Mike and Mo and heck...6 months...I could probably run 13 miles again. Who knows...maybe running the Portland Marathon again is not such a far fetched idea.

What I do know is that on this Day 2 of 2009 I am most grateful for:

1. A wonderful husband
2. son's and the ones they love
3. true friends
4. the fact that I can read
5. The sun on Christmas day and New Years day
6. and a truly amazing life

Bing Bada Boom....

The ball came down and I was sleeping but I felt it happen. 2009. There is something about it that feels refreshing...maybe mother nature knew we needed a little sunshine but my windows are open and fresh air is blowing through the house. I have sun coming threw some of my windows...on Jan. 1st!

We had Family/Friends Brunch and I can without a doubt tell you...there is nothing like starting the New Year with people you love. It matters not what is happening anywhere else, because this moment in time is like no other. I am moved by the strength of young families raising their children in these fast paced times and when people can take a moment to be together, it is a gift.

Having Connor, Jenn and John home...well...it warms the heart with memories of past times together and that warmth can make you a little greedy for future times together. I miss my Peter, Sarah and Byron but I know that life is moving forward and am glad they are happy.

I hope this new year bring more times together, for that is the greatest gift of all!