Memorial Day

For some Memorial Day is the beginning of the camping season...for some it is a Monday off from work but for a dwindling population it is a day to remember the soldiers who died for our country.  Past Memorial Days brought out all kinds of people in the community to hang flags, decorate soldiers graves and bring out politians to pontificate their view of the armed forces, soldiers and the need to control every corner of the world.

Memorial Day used to be called Decoration Day.  The first day set aside to honor soldiers was for those who died in the Civil War...but to honor only the Union soldiers.  There is a theme to war that seems to keep the concept of war alive...it is...the "them and us" concept.

The Memorial Day speech became a day where veterans, politicians and church ministers to commemorate the war and talk about the atrocities of the enemy.  By the 1870's the rancor was gone and speeches praised both Union and Confederate sacrifices.  By the 1950's the speeches had evolved to our commitment to protect the freedoms of the world.

It is a challenge in these times to honor the sacrifices of our soldiers in wars which one does not support...but, the reality is... it is a sacrifice for their families and our communities. 

A few years back we lost one of our young men, Randy Neuman.  It was and is a conflict which bring up much confict within my own heart.  What I do know is that a woman in my town lost a son.  I needed to do something.  Something personal.  Something that would offer support on a personal level.  So I did what I thought would bring that family comfort and made a quilt.  I made a quilt out of his favorite tee shirts...hoping that in her darkest days she could wrap herself in the quilt and touch his life history again.

We can honor the soldier and not the war.  We can hang the flag of our nation with pride and know that it came with some shame.   

Should Haves...

I have decided today to explore the concept of "should have."  Yesterday when I was running around getting some errands done I heard the radio guest say that a sentence which begins with "I should have..." is a waste of emotional energy.  He went on to say as soon as you hear, "should have" come out of your mouths, stop yourself.

Can one live life with a lot of should haves...is it conceivable to be human an not have a lot of should haves?

Should haves are regrets, guilt and judgement.  I do know that in raising children I have bounced back and forth with the should haves.  But, I also can remember telling my kids that failure is not a failure but a piece of information that is important is moving forward.  I think "should haves" means you are looking back way too much.

You cannot have joy without understanding saddness. 

You cannot revel in success without knowing failure.

I guess in someways the radio talk host was correct...should haves...they are the haves that are missing and thus are not worth dwelling on but turning into haves.

Weather

One of the many mantras my mother lives by is that you can't control the weather so it is a waste of time wishing it away.  Bull pucky!  I can't control the weather...true...but I can raise my fist at the sky and say...COOMMMEEE OOONNNN...Give me a brake!

At the gym this morning the weather report said it was unseasonably warm on the east coast and unseasonably rainy on the west coast.  Our world is flipping and I might have to become a New Englander.

It is not just me...my sister says in Napa they are tired of the gloomy weather.  The grapes are tired of the gloomy weather also.  I can feel the price of wine climbing.  My mom says the sailing weather has been poor and I swear Bob Shaw is even getting tired of reporting the same 'ol thing...scattered showers through Friday with a chance of warm weather this weekend. 

Which brings me back to my chart...staying in the top 3rd means I have to find fun things to do inspite of the the lousy weather. 

I feel a new quilt coming on!

Climbing The Mountian In My Brain

I have been doing a lot of listening lately...not only to friends and coworkers but to myself.  So much of our little world feels out of our control.  The rules have changed and we seem to have settled into a place where we don't want to change.  We were fed the mantra that if you do your job you would be secure.  If you do more than your job you would be rewarded...alas, times have changed and it requires so much more of each of us.  Even if you played the game perfectly there is no guarantee that you will still be on the team.  The survivors of the new game have to have so many more tools than with the old game.  And as much as some people do not like the show "Survivor" there was a moment this last season that really made me think.

One of the most ruthless, cunning players...did not win.  In fact, this was the second season he had made it to the finals and still did not win.  It was pointed out by one of the other players...that this power player...knew how to play the game and he knew how to play it to get to the end...but didn't know how to play the game to win...only to reach the finals. 

I think those of us who hope to win...and by that I mean still be employed a year from now...need to play the game to win...not to hang in there till the finals. 

The number one skill is to keep you heart as far up this chart as possible.  Sure it is near impossible sometimes but for one's own physical health and secure employment you really have to keep in the top 3.  You can be a cup half empty person or you can be a cup half full...you can be a cup half full in an half empty job...it is a choice.

That choice will play out in this world...people can feel your positive energy or push to survive and they can also feel the anger and a throw in the towel attitude...it is up to you and only you.

Chow Time!

We have been slapped in the face again...by...nature...or whoever is in charge of us getting older.  Greg and I have had to learn again the lessons of getting a little older. 

We can no longer stay up till 10:00 PM and hope to get to the gym at 4:00 am. We can no longer drink 3 caffenated drinks passed noon and hope to sleep all night...nor can we partake of normal happy hour without feeling the results of a cotton head the next day.

And now...the last bastion...we can no longer eat dinner later than 6:00 PM hoping to go to bed at 8:00 PM and sleep without acid indigestion.  You see that guy in the photo...he is young and has eaten 64 hot dogs.  I would eat one hot dog and every one around me would know I had eaten one...cause that is what happens when you start aging...you eat something your body doesn't like and the odor that comes out lets everyone around you know that you have crossed the line.

Please, God, Pick Another Name!

I was reading an article and a woman said her daily prayer was a plea..."Please, God, pick another name."  "She imagined a celestial hand reaching into the hat, the sound of shuffling papers as we hold our collective breath, waiting.  Who will be next? Who ever knows?"

It is a weight off my back knowing that I do not even think my name is in God's hat...in fact my God does not have a hat nor dole out experiences this way.  My God is there waiting to lend me an ear when life dumps a load in my vacinity. 

For me, life is life.  It unfolds based on choices and flukes.  We have total control over our choices...but accidents...well...they're accidents.  You cannot say, I accidently choose the wrong mate...but you could say I accidently ran over him 3 times. LOL

If you were to live by choice, then the outcomes are ones you either embrace or learn from...it isn't something to blame on God's Will.  God is there as a non judgemental listening pole...so the idea of asking him/her to pick another name...well, it does not make sense to me.  If you are asking a question of God...you really are asking the wrong "person."  If it is a question...then it is a question that should be asked of yourself and answered by yourself.

God actually gave you the power to pick or not pick your own name...each and every day...so do I say...

Good Luck or Good Choice?

Hair Cut, Coupe, El Corte Del Pelo, Kukata Nywele

If there is one word you can find in any language it is, haircut.  I let my hair grow after Enzo joined our family.  He HAD to have a regular haircut otherwise I would have ended up with a dog who sported dread locks.  The decision was made to forgo my own hair stylin'  which everyone decided not to comment on.  Of course, once I broke down and after a year had my hair styled by the only woman in town who can cut my hair...I suddenly got comments on how cute my hair was and thank god you threw in the towel you cheap @#$%

I rediscovered myself at the hands of Angela of Zantes on Bond St. and it truly was a moment.  When she turned me around and I looked at myself at all angles I said, "there you are...I wondered where you went."

Of course this did not change the fact that I still am frugal.  And that these times require one to be frugal and in fact frugal is cool.  Now it was time for Enzo's haircut...as I was heading out the door Greg said, "get him a field cut...no foo foo stuff...OK."  Off to the groomers I go...and just so you realize how ironic the world can be...the groomer for Enzo is named Angel.  When I told her I wanted a field cut she said ok, do you know what that is?

No, not a clue.  It is the same cut all over and is best for dogs who are in the woods, desert or are running threw the brush.  Hey!  That is Enzo.  She reassured me that she cuts another standard poodle and a labardoodle with a field cut.  Sounds perfect for a dog who could be CEO of the Velcro Strip company.

When I picked him up, I laughed out loud.  She said he now looks like a waved haired Weimaraner.  I didn't tell Enzo that in fact I had wanted a Weimaraner but because of allergy issues didn't want to risk it.  I love it and he probably won't need his hair cut for at least 3 months!  It is a great summer cut, although with this weeks weather he did let me cover him with a blanket last night. lol  Greg really liked it and Enzo feels and looks like crushed velvet.

The only thing is he now is chasing his tail cause it looks like a piece of wood and he curls up in a ball because he is cold...so now I own a weimardoodle.

Wedding Talk

I know, I know...I am starting to get boring with the wedding talk...but gesh, this is the event of my year.  The issue I want to talk about is a wedding where children are not allowed.  I  have seen it in magazines and it is an option in some families....but I am sooo happy that it was not an option in our family. 

I believe children give us a gift at weddings.  They are sweet, funny and in some cases show stealers...they make us laugh and cry...because we are laughing so hard.

So here are a few photos of the children who gave the wedding its flavor...

Boys Just Wanna Have Fun

The best part of a boy is they usually don't get hung up on the stress of details.  They just wanna have fun!  I know there is a song where the lyrics  are "girls just wanna have fun."  But girls tend to weave the fun with more worry, details, drama...boys...well so what that we are a half an hour late...we just wanna have fun!

Boys are a nice balance to the brain of a girl.  Of course they can drive us girls crazy!  But in the end you just have to laugh...because with the right boy...life can be so sweet.

Where Are You Going?

Photo by Micheal Shean-Jones

Where are you going?  How are you getting there? Who are you going with?  Where have you been?  Which is the most important questions and which answer will lead you to the next question.

It is so important in life to take the time to ask yourself these questions and then to ponder your answers.  Some questions will take a life time to answer but by asking the question, we are open to the answer and the adventure that will give us a fulfilling life. 

We cannot function solely on logic but must be open to the question that has no answer.  For sometimes a question without an answer allows us to live in the possibilites.

The Matrix

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dcmDscwEcI&feature=related

Matrix - something that constitutes the place or point from which something else originates.

Matrix Ping Pong - ????

All I know after watching the video above is that I will never feel remorse or guilt over how I spend my free time! 

Enjoy and laugh...it's better than bitterness and tears.

Strategic Default

Yesterday while surfing the net I watched a 60 minute segment on the housing crisis. Yada, Yada, Yada...what else is new.  We know it is here, we had is shoved down our collective throats and we are working hard to keep moving forward and bring the rest of the nation with us...and then "Strategic Default."

Strategic Default is the latest trend and may drag us down even further.  It is a tool used by an individual for his own benefit and it is a tool that has no morality.  One out of 5 defaults is a "strategic default."  That is where a person defaults on his/her loan, even though they can afford the mortgage payment.  They just don't want to pay because their house is underwater...that is, the current value is less than owed on the mortgage.  This strategy has so many pitfalls both economically and morally.  Suddenly people are deciding even though they entered into a binding contract with the bank to payback their loan and they can afford the monthly payment, have decided to not pay.  Collectively, can they not see beyond their own front door what this will do to the nation? 

It is beyond my understanding how a person can suddenly adjust their moral compass.  Now, so many have had to default  for actual reasons, that default and bankruptsy is not a shameful word that is hidden from your family and friends but, it illicts sympathy.  It is not unusual to know several people who are suffering through this...and because of this it allows formally moral people to default on their loans who can "afford" their loans, they just don't want to pay anymore!  Just because you bought a house at the height of the market and it is not worth as much is not a reason to default if you can afford the payment.  The argument is the banks have done the same move...but collective they are a small population and as I know we have all taught our children...just because Johnny does it, doesn't mean you can do it.

It seems that suddenly people are justifying their immorality...because the nation is in trouble.  Just because you enjoyed that wonderful hot tub, that spendy vacation, new cars on the equity of your home...now that you feel you have been screwed by the global market you can say, screw you to the bank?  Whaaaaa, suck it up.

It takes me back to the death of my mother in law.  She loved her son and she loved her grandsons.  She was a generous woman who unscrupulous individuals took advantage of...so when she passed she had an outstanding balance on a credit card from a computer she purchased for a jerk.  She had enough money left in the bank to pay it off...but, we were told that we could keep the money and not pay off her debt.  That because she died her debt died with her.  Were we going to do that?  Absolutely not!  For the price of a computer were we going to compromise our moral integrity and color the memory of her with this immoral choice? Who you are, shows up in your choices.  You cannot not say I am a law abiding citizen and then go rob a bank because everyone else is doing it...I am who I am even when no one is watching me or knows what I am doing.

Breaking the Rules

 Today I am going to spend the whole day "breaking the rules."  We are raised by our parents, educated by our teachers, trained by our coaches, infused with guilt by our religions...to not breaks any rules.

Today I am going to live as if there is no rules...not as a jump into the world of criminal life...or drowning in choices that would result in harm...but to live without plan or goal.  To do that which I feel like doing, not what I should do...or what I have to do.  Even as we move through our lives we can hear those who tell us what we need or should do.  It is often filled with wisdom and love.  But, sometimes the voices are filled with guilt and admonition...and then we stop listen to our own voice.  We cannot seem to speak to that which is our own longing...our own desires.

I am going to experience this day moment by moment.  I am going to smell the sweetness of no adgenda...nor regret at the end of the day as not having experienced what I dreamed of... 

Morning Sounds

One of the best things about having to get up early is seeing, hearing and smelling the early morning.  I have been a morning person my entire life.  My mother lived by the words, "the early bird gets the worm." I read that most "rich" people are morning people.  My sister and I shared the same bed when we were children and if we did not get up early my dad would come in and grab one side of the mattress and tumble us out of the bed onto the floor.  It only took a couple of times of this before we would jump out of bed when we heard him coming down the hall. 

As I sit here watching the morning arrive, the sky displays a variety of beautiful colors...changing hues with each minute.  The birds are awake and their music is like a symphony...each one different from the next.  It is fresh smelling.  Critters are starting to move around and I can barely hear the traffic because it is so quiet.  Of course during the week when I have to be in bed by 8 PM in order to get 7 hours sleep before I have to get up and get ready for work...I do miss the sunset and the winding down of nature.  I have to wear and eye mask in order to trick my brain to fall asleep.

Maybe that is why I love weekends.  I know that research says that you should not change your sleep pattern on your days off but are they who research for real!?  On the weekend I can enjoy the sunset, staying up later and sleeping in...of course sleeping in for me is making it to 7 AM and I still have to put a mask on to fool my brain in the morning! LOL  but it is sweet to wake up and feel luxurious to have slept until you hear the first golf ball being hit!

"Simple 6"

Researchers say 'Simple 6' steps will lead to financial well being.  This was the title of a article in the paper...and I like "simple" and the number 6 is doable!

Some very basic habits and you are on your way to financial well being.  I wish someone had told me this when I was trying to figure out my finances for the very first time in college...I may be retired by now! lol

1.  Talk money with your partner

2.  Get advice from employers (what is available for auto savings)

3.  work out what you'll need

4.  work out what you'll need

5.  forecast what you'll have

6.  save more and owe less

"The biggest difference a person can make in his or her life - after your health - is to learn how to look after yourself financially...it means building the financial reserves to cope with life's challenges and increase your ability to retire comfortably."

Households that tend to be financially savvy are married, have children, own their own home, no bankruptcies, not divorces, all within 10 years of retirement!  Hey!!!!!!! I am married, I have children, I own my own home, I have been bankrupt and I have never divorced!!!!!!!!!  So why am I still working???

Well...I didn't start my retirement account as soon as I started working...in fact it took me almost 10 years to start one...geez...The biggest obstacle in Americans saving for retirement...it is tooooo far in the future if you're young...and as paraphrased in the article...our conventional spending patterns are not aligned with what we earn.  Buying lunch out every day is normal. (OK, we take our lunch to work, score one for us) The credit card boom of the last 20 years helped create that mindset.  (we do have a credit card but never carry a balance, score 2 for us) I wish I had started saving regularly when I got my first job...even if in the poor days I had put $20, 25, 50 away each paycheck I would be retired by now.  It isn't always the amount as the consistency of habit.  It is a balance to enjoy your earnings only after you have deposited your savings...life by a simple 6...it is not too late for us it just might take us a little longer.

Back In The Saddle Again

Although events in ones life, especially becoming a "mother-in-law" (did I tell you I am a mother in law!) are wonderful it also feels good to get back in the saddle again.  Getting your house back in order, taking a few naps to catch up on energy, picking up the mail in the box that is totally stuffed because you forgot and getting back to work. 

There is a contentment in sliding back into the rhythm of one's life.  By yesterday afternoon I was sitting on my back deck reading a book...and life was good!

Ah yes, us cowgirls who march to a different drummer...love to be back in the saddle again!

A Happy Life

People tend to think that a happy life is one that is happy all the time.  But to define happy, one has to know how it feels to be sad.  Hardship is a pain in the #$%^ but I know that hardship gives me a gage to softship. LOL

This past week with all the visitors and family I was able to get a glimpse into how people deal with their hardships.  Are they victims or do they take their hardships and make a happy life.  There are some people who want their hardships to be your hardships.  There are people who try to sabotage your life so they can feel better about their life.  They create chaos.  For me I except that they feel best in chaos but I work hard at keeping a boundary so my hardship is my own and not their hardship. I never want my children to have to deal with my hardships, I never want them to feel responsible for making me feel better.  I am ok with my own hardship and as I make better and better choices my hardships become less and less.  Sometimes I have to limit the time I spend with chaotic individuals...even if they are family members.  I have in the past limited the amount of time my own children spend with these "hardship as in only ship" kind of people.  Families are made up of all kinds of personalities and you have to teach your children how to exsist with all kinds of people...but the biggest lesson is to give them the strength to not take on other's outlook about life but, to make your own.

As each family is created they will build a stronger link in the family chain as long as they are given the gift by their respective families to make their own hardships and master those themselves and not have to take on ours. 

Happy Mother's Day

I woke up this morning knowing this was going to be the best mother's day and the one I will be the most tired.  The wedding was wonderful, beyond expectations and surreal.  I apologize for the quality of the photos as these were taken with my little digital camera...better ones will follow.

Back to mothers, I cried, cried and did more crying.  My mother who was sitting next to me asked me why I was crying and I said I was so happy...she then put her arm around me.  A sweet memory I will cherish.  She as a grandmother had so much to be proud of last night as her 4 grandsons were absolutely magnificent!

I love this photo, mothers and sons, it says it all!

The groomsmen have all been friends since middle school and high school and one of their mother's said all she wanted for mother's day was a photo of the 4 of them in their tuxes!

These men were awesome and Byron was absolutely adorable.  It is hard to believe that I used to shut down the music in my garage so the tall one in the back could go to sleep!

Now my son is the one saying, "Time for bed Byron."  Surreal...and karmic.

Although the best of lives is filled with challenges my heart says this family of 3 will weather them better than most. 

They have the love and surpport of so many people.  They have the laughter and strength of commitment.

Mr. and Mrs. Peter Bates

Today Is The Day!

It is amazing how fast 4 1/2 months can fly by when you are getting ready for a wedding. But...here it is...today is the day.  Rehearsal went well, we ironed out some issues and as we did our final walk through we were crying.  It is really happening. A new family is joined.

Rehearsal dinner...well...it was amazing.  I never would have thought 43 people could have enjoyed a meal in my house.  But enjoy we did.  Enzo had his first sleep over with his friend Brim and he had a good time also.

Today is the day...it is hard to believe...as I sit here in my PJ's drinking coffee and thinking about what last minute things have to be done.  I am so happy for my son.  As in Indiana Jones...he choose well.  Robin delivered the flowers, guest book, cake cutting set and the head table arrangement to the High Desert Museum this morning.  GG (my mom) left a gallon jar of oragami cranes folded by her friends as a symbol of good luck to be scattered on the tables. 

Here are my $1.00 crystal glasses blown in the Czech Republic found on a clearance table in TJ Maxx and engraved with their names! LOL

The girls will be getting ready at Peter and Sarah's room at the Riverhouse and the boys will be dressing here at our house. 

After every one left I went upstairs and told Greg I could die right now and be happy with the picture I left behind.  Peter and Connor sitting out on the deck in front of the firepit talking and relaxing together...just the two of them.

Life is Sweet!

My Happy Place

Yesterday I went to my happy place for several hours.  It is an interesting thought...what is your happy place?  Every time I do an EKG on a patient, right before I am going to print...I say, "close your eyes and go to your happy place."  Once they are there I wait a minute and print.

It is a vicious cycle when you have a big event in your future...your brain circles itself and gets fused on some minute detail...and then you circle again.  Lots of questions to be answered, sequences to figure out and what ifs to consider...overload.

Trying to focus on the joy and excitement...not dewelling on the things that are knocking you off your saddle.

Which brings me to yesterday...I went to my happy place...and where was that???  My front yard.  Or more correctly my front yard without a cell phone.  I boycotted my cell phone for an entire day.  I spent 4 peaceful hours pulling weeds, sitting on the grass, enjoying the sun and the smells that travel on the fresh air.

Some would say their happy place is not pulling weeds...but gardening is so dang satisfying.  You take a section of flower bed and start pulling, it isn't long before you can see the canvas of your garden start to emerge.  It was peaceful.  An occassional neighbor would walk by waving.  My mom, unable to get ahold of me by phone drove over to my house to find me digging in the dirt.  Being dirty and stinky she didn't ask me to do anything for her.

After I had spent all morning pulling weeds, I took a shower and headed into town for a manicure/pedicure...that is a manicure/pedicure without my cell phone.  I spent a good 8 hours with my cell phone off.  Once home, I turned it on and checked the messages on the home phone...and you know what...the world did not end. 

I have discovered for future reference...that my happy place...is somewhere...where my cell phone does not exsist.

Survival 101

It is times like this...as in a wedding...that make you dig deep for your survival 101 skills.  It is the sheer brain drain...checking your list...remembering to make your list and then checking it...once, twice, three times, four times and holy @#$% I forgot that...and then starting all over again.

How does one make it through still functioning?  Friends and family.  I have had the encouragement of friends, their excitement, love and their offers to share and support the load.  Family who chip in to help make food, little paper cranes for the tables and travel hours to share the day.

Uncle Mo has been diligently working away at the unruly hillside...bonzaing eveything in site!  Robin has washed my windows, while whispering encouraging words and Ingre put together a "bridal survival kit" to be taken to the venue for the "what ifs."

I was dumbfounded when I found this kit on my front steps.  It was not only such a thoughtful gesture but was filled with items for every contingency.  Greg liked the duct tape!  Life can be controlled with duct tape.

Robin will be the official Enzo sitter during the Friday rehearsal dinner...because I know he would go insane with all those crotches to sniff...so off to barking boot camp for him.

It is events like a wedding which make you realize how wonderful life is and how important the people you care about are...each encouraging email...each one filled with excitment for us...fills my heart.

Somethin"...Goin' On In The Neighborhood...Who Ya Gonna Call....Enzo!

If there's something strange

                                        in your neighborhood

Who ya gonna call?

Enzo

                                      
                                     If there's something weird

and it don't look good

Who ya gonna call?

Enzo

 

And so it goes...winter is over and the neighbors on either side of us have returned.  The house to the right of us is shifted forward where their dining room window is directly diagonal to our front porch.  The area inbetween is where Enzo drops his poop.  So it was quite disturbing to him last evening when he was trying to sniff out the sweet spot there was a bright light and someone moving around in there.  He started to growl and would not relax, and in fact became very focused and intense.

 

There was something going on in the neighborhood and he was going to make sure he kept a close eye on the situation.

 

He has been on patrol ever since.  There has not been anyone over there in 6 months! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He wouldn't attack a fly but it is nice to know that he is alert and is an early warning system to something that freaks him out!