R-E-S-P-E-C-T

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Find out what it means to me

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Take care, TCB

Oh (sock it to me, sock it to me,

sock it to me, sock it to me)

A little respect (sock it to me, sock it to me,

sock it to me, sock it to me)

Whoa, babe (just a little bit)

A little respect (just a little bit)

I get tired (just a little bit)

Keep on tryin' (just a little bit)

You're runnin' out of foolin' (just a little bit)

And I ain't lyin' (just a little bit)

(re, re, re, re) 'spect

There are times in life where you find your respect for another waivering.  I want to think the best of others. When life rears it's ugly side I tend to look from all angles, I try not to judge...but...there are times where..."here come the judge." 

We are all imperfect and sometimes we are given a job that requires more than we are capable of performing.  To be able to see that which we can bring to the world and that which we do not have the ability or desire too bring, gives us a better chance of giving and gaining respect.  There are times you land in the nettles, how to get out with the least amount of trauma is a challange we will face over and over in our life.  It is these times that we have to figure out, who we really are.

Because respect can only be born of knowledge.

Soon To Be A Ball Less Dog

Today I go to the Vet.  They think I don't know why I am going...but there is a reason I choose the angry pumpkin to sit under!  I know the whole population problem...but look at me...do I not deserve to bring some really good looking puppies into this world. 

But you know parenting, it is challenging and in my situation I don't get to say who is the mother of my pups...the humans around here get to choose and who knows they might pick a real DOG...I mean some dog who isn't as good looking as me.

What I am really upset about is the, no food, no water after 10 PM the night before.  The humans get to eat till midnight before surgery and get clear liquids until 6 hours prior...this really blows.

Then again, when I get back home I am going to milk this for all it's worth...I could get something really good to eat by dinner!

100% Mortality

The human race has a 100% mortality.  There is no one, who has escaped this fate.  For each one person there will be one death.  Brutal in its reality.

The question is...given that you get this one life why do so many people spend their thoughts worrying about the next...when we really do not know if there is a next?  How can we even fathom what comes next?  So man, in order to feel better or more secure has written in many languages what they believe will be next.  There are creative stories of heaven, or levels we reach with each death...or reincarnation. But in reality we do not know...we are man...ground on this earth...in this life. 

How much better the world would be if we focused on this life...our only life.  Would people who are good because they are entrenched in the dogma of religion, still be good people if they did not believe.  Is the only reason they are good is because someone in a church tells them that God expects it...or can we not be good because it is part of being human?

With all the different religions in existence...each believing they are the one, that if you do not believe as they do, you are destined to end up someplace...not heaven...how can we progress in our humanity unified by our common goodness.

As I continue to grow in my humanity and beliefs...I know that I am destined to die.  The one fact is, that there is a 100% mortality to being human.  So, if this is possibly the only life I get would I not want to spend it learning to be the best person I believe I can be...not the person who the pulpit says I should be. 

I want to focus my energy on this life...not the next...do I not want to do that which enhances this life...not the next.  Can I make this life fulfilling irregarless of the next.  Would it not be healthier to cherish the people in the present rather than longing to see them...in the next. 

If one were to see the reality of what religion has created, we would cry a million tears.  If we were to embrace the present, strive to be good in spite of religion...then we would be gods.

La Bellezza Di Non Fare Nulla

The beauty of doing nothing...an Italian phrase.  Americans are the hardest workers in the world.  We work the longest hours, days, weeks, months and years.  Even when we are off, we have list of fun things to do...no downtime to day dream.

The beauty of doing nothing is a mantra in Italy.  You might discover something about yourself...if you just gave yourself the time.  You might discover you are more interesting than you thought...if you could only have the time to hear yourself. 

You might find out that "the beauty of doing nothing" is really beautiful...you might hear your heart beat and the air moving in and out of your lungs...and it might be like beautiful music.

So, when I look at this photo of a friend who is practicing "la bellezza di non fare nulla" I can feel the air, the sand, the warmth and know that if one of us can do nothing...then all of us can enjoy doing nothing also.

"9 Life Lessons From The Garden"

There is an article in today's paper entitled "9 life lessons from the garden."  It doesn't happen very often but, I believe every word of this article.  Craig Chalquist of John F. Kennedy University says that research shows gardening can lift depression, release stress  and anxiety, and strenghten the immune system.

This past year was the most depressing year and when I describe it to people the first words out of my mouth have been..."I did not work in my yard once!"  My next door neighbor even made the comment that she hadn't seen me in the yard this year...because she knows how I love to dig in the dirt.  I had even told her last year, that if I changed careers it would be to work in gardening.

With all that was going on this past summer at work I let all the things I love go by the wayside, and as a result it was the most depressing summer I have had in a long time.

So what is the lesson...there are actually 9 of them and I love them all...but #7 is a jewel...

"When you taste something that grows in the garden and it's bitter, you spit it out.  The garden teaches me that there are things my body doesn't find nutritious and that I should not let it into my system. Chalquist says.  You may have people in your life who are like a sour fruit or a bitter herb.  If they are tearing you down psychologically, remove them from your life."

Having put gardening aside this year has taught me a lesson, painful yes...but I heard the trees and flowers loud and clear and will not do it again.

Walk, Trot, Jog...Run???

Having made myself a goal of either running or walking the Portland Marathon 2010...I have started the training.  Now you say...why now, it's only 2009?  Because it will take me that long to get ready.

The photo above is mile 9 of this years marathon...oh I remember well the exhilitration and fear...yes, fear at mile 9.  Having come so far, yet so far to go...not even half way.

Although 2010 is my year to set boundaries, to only do that which I find meaningful and to make a effort of connecting with the people I love...I always feel better when I have a goal to sink my teeth into...thus the Portland Marathon.  It is fun, love the town, it is basically at sea level...lol

I have been working on the walk part and today I added the trot.  I am alternating walking then trotting, then walking then trotting...all the while building up the time/distance.  1 mile down...25.4 to go.

The difference I notice from the last time I trained is my bladder was younger.  During the 2005 race I only had to stop once to pee...I have a feeling my time is going to be longer because of the additional pee stops that my much older bladder will need.

I go into this race with the knowledge that I did it before, that I didn't hit any 20 mile wall and to not drink the Red Bull.

TV Technology

While down in Napa at my sister's house taking care of my mother, I got to see a real TV.  Greg and I have always had little TV's and it seems that lately with this latest birthday it is getting harder to see our TV.  Our TV sits behind closed doors above our fireplace and is not very big.  So, we not only have to wear glasses to see it, but because of the small size of our family room our couch is too close to the screen and we have to tip our heads back to watch the screen. Resulting in neck aches by the end of the shows.

The prospect of purchasing a new TV is daunting because the technology has changed so much...it is no longer a TV, it is a theater system.  You no longer just can watch your basic channels but you can get the internet.

My conclusion is that purchasing the TV is the easy part but setting it up and getting all the plugs in the right place...now that is entirely different.  The last time we had to hook up a TV and VCR...I mean CD player...we almost came to blows. 

Since we have come to the descision that this will be our joint Christmas present  it may be better if we look for a TV that comes with a person who will hook everything up, so Christmas Day will be a happy one!

Refuseniks

a Soviet citizen, usually Jewish, who was denied permission to emigrate from the Soviet Union

Origin:


1970–75; refuse + -nik, perh. trans. of Russ otkáznik (unless the Russ word is itself a trans. of refusenik)
 
Now this term is being used to distinguish anyone who rejects a segment of society.  What brings me to this???
 
Last night Greg and I were watching a tv show on the computer.  It took a few minutes to figure out how to get it started, as the network had changed their format, their face page and requirements.  Greg made the comment that we as a society are totally ruled by technology, the learning process, the maintaining and the updating, and we wait, and wait, and wait.  We have cell phones that keep us on the grid...so much so that the goverment can find you anywhere, as long as it is with you.  We have email that keep us internationally connected at a moments notice.  We have internet that gives us knowledge about anything and anyone we are curious about.  In our discussion we wondered what would happen if we went off the grid?  Greg asked..."could you go off the gird?"  I thought seriously and said that it would be like going through withdrawals and would probably take me a couple of weeks to begin relaxing.
 
The lead story on the internet news was about "technological refusenik."  Those who do not have cell phones.  85% of all adults have cell phones.  When I was at quilt group a cell phone would go off about every 20 mintues and 2 or 3 people would pipe up, "someones cell phones is ringing" and several people would check their phones.  This group is mainly made up of retired women who are socializing while enjoying the age old art of quilting.
 
A smaller segment of society does not have cell phones either because they are older or less educated and subsequently have less funds to support and update technology.
 
But, there is about a 5% slice of society that do not have cell phones because they are Refuseniks.  They take pride in being off the grid, being hard to keep track of and knowing that they walk to a different drummer.
 
My mother who will be 80 yrs old just bought herself an I Phone, oye vey am I in trouble.

"The Fame Motive"

Andy Warhol said everyone will get their 15 minutes of fame, at least once in their lifetime.  But...at least by TV standards there are a lot of people getting their 15+ minutes on reality shows.

If you took all the TV channels available, all the internet sites, there are literarly thousands if not millions of reality shows.  From surviving the elements to surviving your make up application in your own bathroom. 

I find it facinating that people want to be filmed and then all that film gets edited down to a nano second of some editing guys idea of good entertainment.  A fellow quilter told me that the local news came a filmed her (extensive) Christmas decor for 2 hours...how much ended up on the news...15 seconds.  So, it is surprising to me that people would allow their lives to be edited by someone who doesn't know them or even care...they are the employee of sensational tv.

We as a nation addicted to peeking into someone elses life, to only feeling good about ourselves when we see wack jobs on reality tv.  For the most part I find it boring...that is not to say I don't check into Survivor or Amazing Race but trying to find love, raise a family in front of a nation is ludicrous.

I was sick about the "balloon boy" fiasco.  What kind of adult will he become with a childhood like that.  Kids do not learn by what we tell them...but by watching how we live.  We drink too much...they think drinking is ok...we drive like idiots and yell at people...they yell at their classmates. We watch and cheer for the Ultimate Fighter and they grow up cheering at school yard fight. They watch our every move and are like sponges.

I was raised to fly below the radar.  So the idea of a public 15 mintues of fame is not even a comfortable place for me.  When I do a donation, I don't want anyone to know.  I do it for myself...the only spot light I want shining on me is my own flash light, held by my own hand.

Optical Illusion

optical illusion: A visually perceived image that is deceptive or misleading.

If you stare at the optical illusion above the circles move in opposite directions.  It is the trick of the brain and eyes.  In reality there are many illusions that we live with...one being, that if you have a uterus you must have and want children.  If you are male you are destined to a life of bread winner. If you are a nurse you must be able to take care of every patient...now there is the challenge of the day.  The idea that as a nurse you can nurture everyone, have the knowledge to take care of "any patient" and know what every doctor is thinking....hummm...oh and in this day and age as a nurse you must also be a computer expert.

It is again and again a challenge to put forth your best foot.  That is by moving the best foot forward you create a stance that may help you create a balance.  You really can't do it all and by putting both feet forward you would fall backwards, gaining no ground emotionally and meeting no challenges.

Although some illusions over time become reality, the idea that a nurse can meet all challenges is detrimental to the self esteem not only of the nurse but but to the soul of the person who resides in the role of nurse.

For today, I vow to put my best foot forward and know that it is not only all I can do but, it is all I want to do.

Dreaming

Last night I had several dreams...none of them good.  From what I have read in the past, dreams are only seconds long but our brains have the amazing capacity to create entire dramas with beginning, middle and end.  Some of my dreams last night were about people I am close too and some were about people I work with, but all of them did not leave me with a fuzzy feeling.

What I found facinating about my dreams were that if it became too disturbing I would start asking questions, as if a bystander rather than a participate in the story.  A certain part of my brain could not handle the event so, a more awake part started interrupting the dream...what do you mean this happened...why would she do that...doesn't she know that the pond is full of pesticides...???  Then my bladder couldn't take all the chatter and I would wake up go to the bathroom come back and start a new story line.

In one segment I walk into my guest room and there are 2 piles of poop.  The dreaming part of my brain is going on and on. PO'd about Enzo pooping in the house...But...the more conscious part started talking in the background...he can't have pooped in the house, he doesn't do that...he never goes in that room...so that questioning woke me up and I went to the bathroom.  On the way I said "good dog."

Dreams...a picture to the other side but today they have made me tired...and I have to go to work...or maybe I am just dreaming I have to go to work???

Bottle Feeding

It is interesting to me that when people get stressed they revert to the need for bottle feeding.  Whether it is work, home tasks, banking or just the plain flu and you're not feeling good...we tap into that long ago memory of being bottle feed.  Someone else can figure it out, mix it up and feed us the info.  Our minds go blank, we just don't wanna...the brain whine starts to happen and pretty soon we start making that sucking sound.

For me it especially happens at work. We are required to carry in our brains software what would fit between the covers of a Webster Dictionary.  So when an IT person starts asking me questions and wanting me to do stuff to make the hardware work...I don't wanna!  I actually said that over the phone last week...I don't wanna...because when I restart the computer it takes 5-10 mintues to get back to where I was...you do it...my lips started moving in a sucking motion...I didn't actually stick my thumb in my mouth...but  I was close!

As one of my best friends said, "some people just need to be burped."  If we could do this for ourselves we would release gas and feel better...but then again...sometimes I just don't wanna...suck, suck, suck....

Connecting the Dots

For me life is a series of connecting the dots.  I kind of have a idea of what I want my life to look and feel like.  But, as with many things it is a series of starts and stops and back ups and sideways...hiccups and giddyups 

Once I start connecting the dots I start to see what it is going to be like.  Maybe not as beautiful as I had imagined, sometimes more beautiful that I imagined.  What I do know is I can see more clearly what the outcome will be like.  Much like doing a "connect the dot" picture...I look for a beginning, then search for the next dot...as I start making progress a picture emerges.

I love life, with all it's dots emerging into a pattern that is recognizable and yet when completed, make me want to find the next dot that will show me the way. 

Leo Kottke

The first time Greg and I watched Leo Kottke play was in 1978.  We were newly married and had no children.  Leo, born in 1945 was just 8 years older than us.  Seeing him last night was a look into the changes in our own lives. We also looked older, and his finger picking was a little slower...must be arthritis.  He is a fantastic acoustic guitarist and can capture a theater just on that talent alone...but, what makes his performance even better is that he is "every man." With his monologue of self reflection, depreciation and humorous historical story telling you feel like he is a friend.

He in a one man show, no roadies...walks out on stage and plugs his accoustic guitar in and starts pickin' and talkin' and talkin' and talkin'.

We are blessed to live in this town, in the middle of the state where it is a little bit of a challenge to be a travel distination and to get talent like Leo to come and play a spell.

Mathematics

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:


What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?


Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:


If:


A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.


Then:


H-A -R -D-W-O -R -K


8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%




and




K -N -O -W-L -E-D-G-E


11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%


But ,


A-T -T -I -T -U -D-E


1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%


And,


B -U -L -L -S -H-I -T


2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%



AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.



A-S -S -K -I -S-S -I -N-G


1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%






So, one can conclude, with mathematical certainty, that While hard work and knowledge will get you close,and Attitude will get you there,its the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

Interracial couple denied marriage license in La.

It is hard to believe in this day and age that in the United States of America there are people in positions of authority who are so overtly prejudice.  An interracial couple seeking a marriage license were denied by the judge because he feared for the children???  I still have a report card from my first grade teacher that said I was retarded due to the mix of my blood???  But geez that report card is 50 years old...

The judge who denied them the marriage license said he had black friends, he even let them use his bathroom????  Holy Crap....

On the other hand, I do not fear this judge.  We know where he stands.  The people I fear are those that keep their hatred a secret from everyone. Who deny employment, mortgages and education based on the prejudices...who raise their children to fear those that are different.  Prejudice does not stop at race...when you are a prejudice person it crosses to class, location, physical attitributes, economic status and mental capacity. 

It is not a perfect world but working towards tolerance and acceptance can get us closer.

Doctor, Doctor...Give Me The News...

I always loved that song...but I always feared the doctor.  Funny that I am a nurse.  My doctor phobia is really not about the doctor but about the news.  I have viewed my health as the enemy and have done a great job of duck and jive when it came to doctors.  Choosing health care professionals that I could manipulate with my charm...lol

This year just about kicked me to the curb.  Lucky for me, the way my brain works is once I start chewing on an issue I am a "take it to the mat" kind of gal.

Once realizing that the path I was on was the same one my dad took, minus the smoking...I decided to change directions.  I found me a new doctor...one who could care less about my charming personality but took my health status seriously.  I also chose one that believed in the basic goal of prevention not a standard pharmacutical approach of one size fits all.  So to the naturopath's office I went to see if this was where I wanted to be.

I was give the most comprehensive physical I have ever had, 15 lab test to find out all my dirty little secrets, carotid ultrasound, heart calcium ultrasound, dexascan and have a scheduled pap.  The difference was the breath and scope of the exam and that she sat down and went over each and every test, explaining that altough I am totally normal...except for my cholesterol, I am not optimal.  Traditional medicine doesn't care if you are optimal...as long as you are in the norm for Americans (which as we know the norm of America sucks).

I am excited to have the facts, too know what they mean and to have a plan...

doctor, doctor give me the news I got a bad case of loving youuuuu.....

It's Dr. Brust if you are interested.

Keep Going

Keep Going.  Push one foot down, then the other.  Put your head down and move into the wind.  Bring everything that is important to you along. 

Although this photo is dramatic in it's image of a person who has the heart of a lion, who is moving forward with strength and determination.  The message of the photo can apply to us all.

Gather your inner strength.  In your heart, carry only the things that will help you move forward.  Prepare and strenghten those parts of yourself that you will need as you to keep moving on the path of your own design.

Don't let difficulties keep you from pushing your pedals and moving forward.

Never give up!

Hunger

Hunger.  Many people have different ways to deal with the stress in their lives.  I know mine is to eat.  If I took the time to ask myself before I ate or drank anything, if I was really hungry...most often the answer would be NO.

I am not a binge eater...like this shark, I am a grazer...moving forward, never letting myself actually feel hunger.  So many of my habits are just what they are...habits.  Do I need a latte when I am in the car? Even non fat, sugar free it is still at least 100 extra calories.  Do I need that cocktail or wine after work...even low cal it adds another 100-200 calories. 

I eat healthy foods...just too much and I have let myself down.  Putting my excercise a little lower on the priority list.  My dad died at 49, sure he smoked, drank and ate high fat foods and workout was not a word in his generation's vocabularly.  But I know better.  I know what the outcome of his choices were.

The first time I realized that I am more than my genetic history it was because of my oldest son.  Now, my younger son has encouraged me to start planning for the Portland Marathon 2010.  I've got a year to work towards that goal and more importantly I want my life to be long, healthy and to feel good about myself.  I want to have the energy to keep up with my grandchildren and to help take care of them.

The hunger I feel...is it food or something else I want...that is the question I will answer before I take that first bite.

Sometimes, It's The Little Things...

I did it!  I baked something from scratch and it turned out!  Cooking and baking have been one of those challenges in life I thought I would never enjoy.  Sure we all have our gifts, but I really wanted to figure this one out.  My dear sister's gifts were in this catagory along with entertaining and making you feel welcomed in her home. 

Over the last few years the cooking shows have grown into a full out network devoted to this gift or challenge depending on your outlook.  Sometimes I would watch...but it only made me feel inadequate...I hate that feeling.  I would try again and find out it is not as easy as they make it look on TV.

Lucky for me I have family and friends who can laugh and still eat what my latest disaster might be...ask the bookclub members about the cake they had to eat with a spoon (it is amazing what whip cream can do).

I have grown more confident, although experimentation is a dirty word and will always result in disaster for me.

Today is family breakfast and I decided to bring the scones.  Having been recently taught by my sister the fine art of scones I had less trepidation about the outcome, but still...there has been food on my ceiling before...I didn't want to be tooooo cocky.

Voila!  Of course Greg and I had to do a taste test so no one in my extended family would gag and cough up a scone ball...and they were perfect!  Sometimes, it is the little things in life that make you feel good about yourself.

Nobel Peace Prize Winner

A stunning annoucement, not only for the world but for the man himself.  As usual the negative spin doctors in the media are looking for the downside to an incredible hope.  Although he certainly does not measure up to past recipients in the breath of their work, he is a person embodied with the greatest potential for peace.  So, why not focus on the honor and potential of the prize.

I took in every word of his acceptance speech...he understood that what he is embarking on may not be fulfilled in his life time...I like that, it is realistic and it shows the understanding that although he won the prize, what has to be accomplished cannot be finished by one person...it is going to take a huge group effort, a shift in the world's divisions promoted by religion and the understanding that the god everyone kills for, is really mankind...exsisting as the same essence within us all.  It is a huge undertaking and he has aged in his short time as president.

So I challange everyone in my small sphere to look to the future with hope and not get sucked in the negative vortex promoted by the media and those who live in a cup half empty world...it is an incredible challenge for a man to accept the Peace Prize in the morning and paricipate in a War Council in the afternoon.

Mama Mia

Motherhood is a life time job.  For me it is not a job but a gift.  Motherhood made me a better person, challenging me to look outside myself and be amazed at what I see.

Spending time yesterday with my sons was a way to see how much and how little the effect of motherhood has on the baby.  I know, sounds confusing...but you can see the decisions you made as a mother, the type of relationship you have with your children can make a huge difference to them as adults...and at the same time, you can see how little your effect is and how strong their own personalities and world experiences make up who they are. 

What is always wonderful to observe is what a loving mother our Sarah is with her son.  You are a clean slate at birth but through the development of our own personalities, the influence of our family, you end up wih the loving gene or not...and she definately has the loving gene.  Which as I see it benefits her own son, but also my son.  Because no matter how old the boy is, no matter who he is in relationship with, they always need a little mothering and we also sometimes need a little fathering.  We like to think our grown up relationships don't require a mother or father but in fact you get that warm fuzzy feeling when someone fixes your lunch or makes sure you are OK.  It is a little dab of mothering and fathering that we never forget.

I remember when my mother in law was passing on...one foot in this world, one foot out of this world...I wanted her to feel the warmth of mothering, that someone loved her no matter what...so I sat with her, stroking her arm and telling her what a wonderful gift she gave to this world when she had her son and thereby her grandson's.  Motherhood is a gift from beginning to end.

Hazmat Suit

It seems these days you can't leave your house, nor can any of your family members if you want to stay healthy.  This is an oxymoron, since leaving your house is what gives you immunities.  I know that science is trying to give us forewarning and on a lesser scale the media may also...but having the headline say, "Swine Flu Epidemic Coming...little or no vaccine available" really stirs up the readership.

I have, according to the news barely survived my life...hepititis, AIDS, MRSA, Asian flu, bird flu, mad cow disease, E Coli in everything I eat and now swine flu.  I hear stories about someone, who knows someone, who used to work with someone...who was related that had the flu.  You don't need to get mad cow...you could just go mad with all that you read.

As I leave to visit my boys in the big city...they must have a million more contaminants, I am OK...I am ready...cause I have my handi wipes, my bottle of hand disinfectant, I've had my seasonal flu shot, I won't eat anything (right!)  at least if I eat anything I will disinfect it with ETOH...the good kind...and I have a mask...I won't look any weirder than the guy preaching the world is going to end, actually I may look prepared! LOL  (I really won't wear the mask, unless someone comes near me)

It's My Birthday...I Can Do What I Want Too...

 

Gao Gao is celebrating his birthday with an ice cake made of fruits, bamboo and honey. I plan on something a little less frozen...and although I like bamboo shoots...I am not sure I would take to the stalk.

I have taken my birthday off by using a vacation day for as long as I can remember.  There is something special about taking a break from life to celebrate the day you were born.  I don't necessarily do anything different, I am still running errands but it feels different because I am honoring my life by putting a halt to schedule I live.

For today my "half toos" are replaced by my "want toos"...and today I get to enjoy my birthday with Enzo, a built in playmate.

Today as I view the life I was born into, I look not to the difficulties but to the blessings. I am grateful for all the days, good and bad...for each event has brought me to this birthday my 56th...a life filled with a loving family, good friends, employment, home and a really great dog.

Squirrels From The Inside Out...hummm

My sister has no love loss for squirrels after one used her new patio umbrella for nesting material.  I have also lost stuffing from patio furniture and my deck at times looks like a pine cone war zone after a day of feeding in the trees above.

But yesterday as I was walking Enzo and he became very interested in something on my front lawn...I paused...of course after yelling at him to get back!

Squirrel guts.  A nice little pile of stomach, entrails and tuffs of fur.  I have lived here a while and have never seen such a site.  The squirrels around here are fast, tough and give me sass regularly.  They eat my bird food without a morsel of guilt...and if I interrupt their gorging they talk back and bang their little tiny fists at me!

The big mystery is what the hell ate the squirrel...lions and tigers and bears...oh my!  So I went on the internet and research, coyotes, hawks, eagles...and cats.  The hawks and eagles would not eat on the ground, the coyotes are just roving garbage disposals...leaving little behind.  But the cat, now this animal loves to hunt, eat and leave a present behind.  We have a wild feral cat in the neighborhood who has survived several years on the golf course.  I don't know if it is a he or she but it is yellow and white, docked tail and huge.  I'll call her a "she"...she won't let you get near her but has dodged the coyote bullet that takes every domestic cat in the neighborhood and the winter weather has done her no harm because of her huge body and thick fur.

I think the putty cat ate the squirrel! 

All I can say is, "here kitty, kitty...what a sweet kitty." OK, I did feel a little tiny bit of remorse for the squirrel...but was that a little bit of patio chair stuffing I see in that pile???  What goes around comes around...even in the squirrel world.

To Pooped To Participate

In the past I did not know the word NO.  I didn't want to miss anything.  As a kid I would stay up late and wake up early, so as to not miss a moment of life.  Burning the candle at both ends was a way of life.

As I made my way through the years I continued the pattern I was born into.  Joining clubs, volunteering, says "yes" to every invitation...I am not sure if I was chasing my perception of the perfect life or if I was afraid of what my life would be like if I stopped.

Either way I have reached a "come to Jesus" moment where I want to make conscious decision about how I want to spend my time.  I know, if I said yes to every opportunity that my candle would burn itself out.  I know that lots of fun things are happening around me but does it mean I have to say yes in order to fulfill some unknown fun adgenda? 

Can quality be better than quantity...does saying yes make people like me more?  or is always saying yes mean I like myself less? hummmm

What I do know is moments make up minutes...and minutes make up hours...and hours make up days...which make up months and years.  I want to pay attention to how I spend my moments so that I'm happy for many years.

SNOW!!!!

Oct. 4, 2009 and it is snowing.  This photo shows the type of flakes called dendrites that fall at temperatures between 27 degrees and 30 degrees.  Beautiful to look at individually, but we do not see it with the human eye.  Still, to see large flakes fall in huge masses from the night sky still is wonderous.

I always feel uplifted when I see the first snow falling in mass...even if it doesn't stick.  It reminds me that change is coming and it can be beautiful.  Seasonal affect is a part of my life, but over the years I have developed a plan of attack which has worked effectively for me.  Excercise, eating light tasty meals, catching up on my reading and quilting...which means, I take more time for myself doing those things that make me smile.  This year I have added a new piece and that is,  listening to what I let my brain hear.  Any negative statement, I am going to stop myself and turn it into a positive.  Example, "I hate the days are getting shorter!" to "The days are getting shorter, I am going to plan to read or sew more!"

My brain is the emotional brain of a child and will be excited, happy, pout or get depressed by what ever information my itellectual brain will give it...so I say give it cake! lol

Change, The Only Thing You Can Count On.

Life is changing.  My life is changing.  My family's lives are changing.  My friends are changing.  My job has changed. 

I believe even when change is stressful or painful that it can create a better life.  Change can save your life.  People who hang on and try to keep life from changing are constantly disappointed.  The non-changers usually don't survive peacefully in life,  are left questioning...how come?  Why not?  Why me?

When you accept change as an important part of your life and you embrace it...it can be less painful and more exciting. Even though I have been married to the same man for 32 years and it seems I am not changing...in fact my marriage has been one of change and with that it brought pain, growth and peace and a stronger love than if I fought all the changes it brought.

When you are presented with a choice, which will result in change...and you give yourself the opportunity to really consider and except the possibility whether the change is concrete or not, it has occurred just by the openess to consider.

I always feel a little anxious when I see a change coming, but I like the feeling, because I know life is opening like a door and who knows what is on the other side.

A friend sent me an article about Ardi, the oldest skelton of man or rather woman.  She lived 4.4 million years ago and ushered in some of the earliest signs of Bipedalism.  Change occurred and the reason for the change is fascinating reading.  So Google Ardi and read her story.  I did get a tickle out of the drawing of her made by science, as shown above...her breast look like mine...kinda hanging down a little so she must of breastfed her young.  But unlike me she looks like she has a tan line from her bikini and I don't have as much hair!

Change brought about bipedalism...bipedalism brought about Nursing...hahaha

Peek A Boo...or is it Hide and Seek???

I have played a game of hide and seek for a good part of my life.  But what I am seeking is love...but, it is hidden from me.  No matter the age, I seem to need the love of my parent, like a heat seeking missles I glide and change directions as it is hidden from me.  It is hidden from me by an ever changing wall of expectation, judgement and dissapointment.  In a perfect world children would never have to seek love...it would be like the sweet smell of air after a rain, surrounding you and entering your body with each breath.  But, this is not a perfect world and we are humans with our own pain, issues and history...if we do not pay attention we can give our pain, issues and history to our children readily,  while they have to seek out our love.

I continue to build a life filled with people who make my heart laugh while my soul cries.  With time, I can see I am laughing more and crying less.  That my strength allows for my weaknesses to have a voice...and that my weakness is as important to who I am, that is not a negative space but a mirror for my stength to see how far I have come and why my strength exists.