City Life or F**K Y*U!

City life is filled with extremes. Extremes not only in architecture but in emotions, movement and distance. When you have spent most of your life in a more countrified existence you are fascinated by the city and the people who choose to inhabit this life.

I think city people are divided into 2 different groups. Those who get sucked up into the psyche of the city and those who can move through it without giving up a piece of themselves.

As you move around the city you know that distance cannot be changed, it is concrete...but your relationship to how the distance is tackled can be fluid. You can live where it is convenient to get around and thus you are not shackled by the distances. I think when you feel shackled by the points that exist in a city you get the insane driver. Yesterday we were bogged down in the city...no movement from point A to point B because of a parade. Traffic was diverted and was moving in SLOOOOO MOOOO. The driver behind us in a mini van was revving his engine, jumping his van an inch at a time...he was not at peace in the city he was a piece of the city.

Emotions can move from extremes also...the pace is faster and maybe that make individuals want to feel as much as they can in any given moment. A beautiful day, a child's birthday party and BBQ. Everyone enjoying themselves with deep commitment to this moment...by 2 AM the BBQ had resulted into a F**K Y*U fight. One guy pushing emotions to the extreme must have said F**K Y*U 100 times, a child cries and a motor cop pushes his siren. Funny how a motor cop's siren can make a F**K Y*U be quiet.

In Bend Frank/Monica draws stunned stares for his extreme garb. In the city there are many Monica/Franks and they draw little attention.

Ah, the city I love it but it is important to be at peace with it...not a piece of it.

We Moved In With Our Son...

Hey Connor...we're home...

We moved in with our son this weekend. Such an interesting experience. His place is very tidy, and thus restful. He was nice enough to give up his bed and so we didn't have to sleep on the floor. But, queen size is not king size and where is the pillow top. When you move in with someone, you get a taste of their life.

He has better coffee than we do but that may have a lot to do with who his coffee distributor may be. His kitchen is stocked with the items he deems important...like hot sauce and beer...and he is a very good pancake maker.

All the little things you learn when you move in with someone...what kind of soap they use, shampoo, how encumbered they are by possessions or not.

We are not used to city life...I guess it is better to say...we are not used to city life on the second floor. When we stay in a hotel we only hear the city sounds from the 5th-32nd floor. City life from a second floor is more real. You can hear someone say, "you are an amazing woman!" outside your window. The train pulls up what seems like it is so close you can board. Greg, Enzo and I, we wake up only to the sounds of birds, so realizing for two nights we are an organic part of a city...well it was different and Enzo only felt comfortable when he could lie next to Greg.

This experience has given us another piece to the travels of our own lives...we no longer have "children" we have adults as sons, with rich and vibrant lives. So far this weekend I have learned how to roast veggies in the oven and make really good rice from Peter and pancakes from Connor...this gig is really fun!

Connor....can we stay out passed curfew tonight??? can we, huh...can we...

Plugged In

Yesterday I was ruminating on mindfulness. Today there was an article on Plugged-in parents.

I find it disturbing on a personal level to have phones going off left and right. People, I have taken the time to be with, suddenly jumping up and taking every single call that comes in...I may as well have spent my time alone.

I understand the need for connection. And, I do know that as parents it feels good to have the security of our children being able to contact us at a moments notice. But, I find I am getting increasingly dissatisfied with people who have got to take every single call that comes through. I think we have to start making some changes...like in the theater when they ask you to silence your phone. I want people to silence their phones when they are out to lunch with me. I know that Billy Bob want to let you know that you need to stop at the store on the way home...but can't he leave a voice message to be picked up after you have left my company. Why is it that we need to be available 24/7 to the world. Are we sooooo important?

Although having the availability of connection does have some positive sides it is affecting the American family. Children have to wait till the parent is done texting, surfing the net or talking on cell phones. They are no longer an emotional priority...the world takes first place. Self esteem is built a brick at a time by being important to someone...and for children that is their parents. Each time you discount a child because you "really have to take this call" that child learns where he/she is in the importance line up.

How many times have you seen a cell phone call go to voicemail because a parent is in the middle of a conversation with their child and the parent wants to finish the conversation with the child first??? NEVER. Instead we tell the child...hold on I have to take this call.

I am going to work on my cell phone etiquette and see if I can change the way I am plugged in...because the bottom line is, I want to be plugged in to those who choose to spend time with me first.

So, if I don't answer the phone right away I may be trying to be mindful of someone I am with...or I can't find my cell phone.

Mindlfulness

This my task. Mindfulness. It seems like a simple task on the surface but in fact, it is the most challenging.

To be mindful...of what you think, what you do, what you eat, what you drink and how you are feeling.

What does it mean to be mindful? Well, for me it means to acknowledge what is right before me, whether it be a patient, a apple, a quilt or a friend...to not be distracted by the world and lose what is right in front of me.

I once sat with a very intelligent woman who was dating one of my sons. Although she was in conversation with me, she was constantly texting on her phone. It made me feel that my company was inconsequential. That, what was out there was far more interesting than my company. Mindfulness is not only good for our own souls, it also gives the gift of respect for other's time. By being mindful of who I am with and our conversation...I am saying...you, are important too me.

My goal for this year is to be mindful...mindful of who I am with, what I am doing, what I am eating and who I want to be.

Leaving The Matrix, The Revolution

The Revolution has started. I spent 8+ hours in the car yesterday. Greg said I was awful quiet. Maybe my voice was quiet but my brain was planning a revolution.

8 + hours to process where I came from. The emotions of those 8 hours was as varied as the landscape speeding by...Weeding through what is beneficial and what is detrimental. Realizing again that I have an opportunity to reinvent those parts of me I want to leave behind and embrace those parts of me that I find amazing.

There are those in the world who look at you with jaundiced eyes when you acknowledge how amazing you are...they want to level the plain...they don't want you to truly be happy, successful or content. They only feel OK when you aren't feeling OK. There are those in the world who want to hang around because your plight makes then feel good about their plight.

Then again there are really special people who spend moments giving you the gift of acknowledgement. They can see past your insecurities and touch who you really are...those are the people who realize their plain...has nothing to do with your plain...they give you the gift of grace. They provide some balance to your plain.

This morning I spent time acknowledging the truly extraordinary place I have come from and the amazing gift of my parents. Then I spent a good 2 hours purging those things that remind me of the insecurities that they passed on too me through no fault of their own. Our parents give us the gift of life, feed us, nurture us to the best of their abilities but they also give us their quirks, insecurities and emotional boxes...it is these things that I am tossing. I am only keeping the good and I am shipping out the bad. I hope by starting this revolution for myself my children will also realize that they truly are in charge of their happiness and maybe they won't need a revolution to create happiness.

Can You Leave The Matrix

The one thing about spending time with individuals that you think you already have figured out...is that you truly can never figure someone out. Sounds confusing I know.

The best I can put it is...we use all the knowledge we have accumulated, add a dash of emotional sauce, a splash of psycho babble and we have everyone figured out. Nice and neat.

I heard the phase "he or she has issues..." all weekend. What does that mean? If everyone has issues...is it really an issue...or is it the norm?

Spending time with people you haven't seen in ages, watching people who don't know who you are and trying to understand the people who are close to you...all in a 72 hour period is exhausting.

Observing bits and pieces of individuals lives, being empathetic and generous of love and spirit...well...sometimes you come away feeling totally good about where you are and sometimes you are just ready to bolt...I want to leave the Matrix!!!!!!!!!

Friendship

You would think at my age that friendships would be a slam dunk. What I mean is that you got your girlfriends and you know yourself and thus life is smooth sailing. But, even at my age I still have things to learn...not only about others but, about myself.

It tells me that I always need to keep my brain and heart open. That others may have a better answer than I do and that it is OK to not know what the "hay" to do. And, that if you are running around like chicken little yelling, "the sky is falling, the sky is falling" that most likely a girlfriend will either be running along side you yelling the same thing...or they will slap you and say, "get a grip...we can do this."

Girlfriends are powerful...they must be, because we turn to them...and wait...to figure it out. They are our spouse, therapist, confessional, sibling and ultimately our girlfriends.

My prayer today...Thank you God for my girlfriends.

Freedom

Everyone has their own idea of Freedom. For a good part of the world freedom is synonymous with the availability of food.

For some countries it is being a part of the choice for who runs their country.

And yet for others it can be education.

Freedom has a ring even in our personal lives. Choosing divorce, deciding that you choose not to have children...all these choices bring a personal freedom.

We can even take the feeling of freedom down to the enjoyment of our lives when we walk out the door of our employer.

I think you can only enjoy the sense of freedom if you are choosing it...if you work at a place where you feel trapped then when you walk out the door each day you are not going to feel the joys of freedom but only the sense of momentary relief and dread knowing that you HAVE to come back. To enjoy true freedom I believe, means that we are content with what we have chosen in our lives. We do not feel shackled to our jobs, our debt, our spouses, our country and to our beliefs.

You Gotta Be Strong

I see people around me start to crumble. In the emotional strength kind of way. Times are hard for so many people but for the people I work with times are OK. The issue comes in that people are losing their emotional strength. Whether it be because they are listening to the news too much or they are starting to feel sorry for themselves...or maybe it just takes a little more armor to get through the day.

For what ever reason it seems people are making choices that they wouldn't normally. Whether it be to default on a home loan they can afford to calling in sick, just because they need a day off...life right now is separating the strong from the weak. In reading a article about a couple who stopped paying their mortgage because they didn't have to enough money to enjoy their life the way they wanted. So now they have been living free in their home for a year while the bank is scrambling to figure it all out...that way they can go out to dinner to Outback, buy the high cost fuel for the jet boat and go out to the casino's...what the hey??? What happened to people's integrity? What happened to to being strong and weathering the hard times so you can really enjoy the good times???

You gotta be strong. You have to help pick the nation up by just be a person of integrity...you gotta be hard as nails.

Motherhood

Yesterday evening as Greg and I sat out on the deck in front of a warming fire the birds provided entertainments since the golfers had called it a day.

It is definitely Spring/Summer and love was in the air in more ways then one. Two Morning Doves vying for the attention of one hard to impress female Morning Dove was a reminder that you should not give it up so easy girls. The more she tried to find her own branch the more they both wanted her.

On the other hand the male Finch was down right strutting. Flashing his red head and tail and performing a dance that would have surely gotten him a spot on "Dancing with the Stars" he really showed off what he was all about!

But by far the most entertaining was the mother Black Bird and her 4 children. Although they could fly well there was no way they were leaving her side. Noisy and demanding they were like any toddler I have met. No matter how she tried to escape them and get a moments peace they would fly after her and all try to squeeze onto the same spot...squawking their need for a snack! She looked to me like she wanted to poke her eye out with a sharp twig...or pull her tail feathers out...where in the @#$% was their father!

The funnest thing was although they thought they could fly well and were squawking about their independence, they were not willing to give up the security of mom. One of our bird feeders is a platform where we pour the seed onto the surface. These babies were standing in the middle of the feed but were squawking until their mother picked up the seed and fed it too them....ah motherhood...not a moments rest.

I had to add this "Thought for the Day", sent by a friend and coworker...

Women are angels

And when someone breaks our wings...

We continue to fly...

on our broomsticks.

We're flexible that way.