Optical Illusion

optical illusion: A visually perceived image that is deceptive or misleading.

If you stare at the optical illusion above the circles move in opposite directions.  It is the trick of the brain and eyes.  In reality there are many illusions that we live with...one being, that if you have a uterus you must have and want children.  If you are male you are destined to a life of bread winner. If you are a nurse you must be able to take care of every patient...now there is the challenge of the day.  The idea that as a nurse you can nurture everyone, have the knowledge to take care of "any patient" and know what every doctor is thinking....hummm...oh and in this day and age as a nurse you must also be a computer expert.

It is again and again a challenge to put forth your best foot.  That is by moving the best foot forward you create a stance that may help you create a balance.  You really can't do it all and by putting both feet forward you would fall backwards, gaining no ground emotionally and meeting no challenges.

Although some illusions over time become reality, the idea that a nurse can meet all challenges is detrimental to the self esteem not only of the nurse but but to the soul of the person who resides in the role of nurse.

For today, I vow to put my best foot forward and know that it is not only all I can do but, it is all I want to do.

Dreaming

Last night I had several dreams...none of them good.  From what I have read in the past, dreams are only seconds long but our brains have the amazing capacity to create entire dramas with beginning, middle and end.  Some of my dreams last night were about people I am close too and some were about people I work with, but all of them did not leave me with a fuzzy feeling.

What I found facinating about my dreams were that if it became too disturbing I would start asking questions, as if a bystander rather than a participate in the story.  A certain part of my brain could not handle the event so, a more awake part started interrupting the dream...what do you mean this happened...why would she do that...doesn't she know that the pond is full of pesticides...???  Then my bladder couldn't take all the chatter and I would wake up go to the bathroom come back and start a new story line.

In one segment I walk into my guest room and there are 2 piles of poop.  The dreaming part of my brain is going on and on. PO'd about Enzo pooping in the house...But...the more conscious part started talking in the background...he can't have pooped in the house, he doesn't do that...he never goes in that room...so that questioning woke me up and I went to the bathroom.  On the way I said "good dog."

Dreams...a picture to the other side but today they have made me tired...and I have to go to work...or maybe I am just dreaming I have to go to work???

Bottle Feeding

It is interesting to me that when people get stressed they revert to the need for bottle feeding.  Whether it is work, home tasks, banking or just the plain flu and you're not feeling good...we tap into that long ago memory of being bottle feed.  Someone else can figure it out, mix it up and feed us the info.  Our minds go blank, we just don't wanna...the brain whine starts to happen and pretty soon we start making that sucking sound.

For me it especially happens at work. We are required to carry in our brains software what would fit between the covers of a Webster Dictionary.  So when an IT person starts asking me questions and wanting me to do stuff to make the hardware work...I don't wanna!  I actually said that over the phone last week...I don't wanna...because when I restart the computer it takes 5-10 mintues to get back to where I was...you do it...my lips started moving in a sucking motion...I didn't actually stick my thumb in my mouth...but  I was close!

As one of my best friends said, "some people just need to be burped."  If we could do this for ourselves we would release gas and feel better...but then again...sometimes I just don't wanna...suck, suck, suck....

Connecting the Dots

For me life is a series of connecting the dots.  I kind of have a idea of what I want my life to look and feel like.  But, as with many things it is a series of starts and stops and back ups and sideways...hiccups and giddyups 

Once I start connecting the dots I start to see what it is going to be like.  Maybe not as beautiful as I had imagined, sometimes more beautiful that I imagined.  What I do know is I can see more clearly what the outcome will be like.  Much like doing a "connect the dot" picture...I look for a beginning, then search for the next dot...as I start making progress a picture emerges.

I love life, with all it's dots emerging into a pattern that is recognizable and yet when completed, make me want to find the next dot that will show me the way. 

Leo Kottke

The first time Greg and I watched Leo Kottke play was in 1978.  We were newly married and had no children.  Leo, born in 1945 was just 8 years older than us.  Seeing him last night was a look into the changes in our own lives. We also looked older, and his finger picking was a little slower...must be arthritis.  He is a fantastic acoustic guitarist and can capture a theater just on that talent alone...but, what makes his performance even better is that he is "every man." With his monologue of self reflection, depreciation and humorous historical story telling you feel like he is a friend.

He in a one man show, no roadies...walks out on stage and plugs his accoustic guitar in and starts pickin' and talkin' and talkin' and talkin'.

We are blessed to live in this town, in the middle of the state where it is a little bit of a challenge to be a travel distination and to get talent like Leo to come and play a spell.

Mathematics

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:


What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?


Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:


If:


A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.


Then:


H-A -R -D-W-O -R -K


8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%




and




K -N -O -W-L -E-D-G-E


11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%


But ,


A-T -T -I -T -U -D-E


1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%


And,


B -U -L -L -S -H-I -T


2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%



AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.



A-S -S -K -I -S-S -I -N-G


1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%






So, one can conclude, with mathematical certainty, that While hard work and knowledge will get you close,and Attitude will get you there,its the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

Interracial couple denied marriage license in La.

It is hard to believe in this day and age that in the United States of America there are people in positions of authority who are so overtly prejudice.  An interracial couple seeking a marriage license were denied by the judge because he feared for the children???  I still have a report card from my first grade teacher that said I was retarded due to the mix of my blood???  But geez that report card is 50 years old...

The judge who denied them the marriage license said he had black friends, he even let them use his bathroom????  Holy Crap....

On the other hand, I do not fear this judge.  We know where he stands.  The people I fear are those that keep their hatred a secret from everyone. Who deny employment, mortgages and education based on the prejudices...who raise their children to fear those that are different.  Prejudice does not stop at race...when you are a prejudice person it crosses to class, location, physical attitributes, economic status and mental capacity. 

It is not a perfect world but working towards tolerance and acceptance can get us closer.

Doctor, Doctor...Give Me The News...

I always loved that song...but I always feared the doctor.  Funny that I am a nurse.  My doctor phobia is really not about the doctor but about the news.  I have viewed my health as the enemy and have done a great job of duck and jive when it came to doctors.  Choosing health care professionals that I could manipulate with my charm...lol

This year just about kicked me to the curb.  Lucky for me, the way my brain works is once I start chewing on an issue I am a "take it to the mat" kind of gal.

Once realizing that the path I was on was the same one my dad took, minus the smoking...I decided to change directions.  I found me a new doctor...one who could care less about my charming personality but took my health status seriously.  I also chose one that believed in the basic goal of prevention not a standard pharmacutical approach of one size fits all.  So to the naturopath's office I went to see if this was where I wanted to be.

I was give the most comprehensive physical I have ever had, 15 lab test to find out all my dirty little secrets, carotid ultrasound, heart calcium ultrasound, dexascan and have a scheduled pap.  The difference was the breath and scope of the exam and that she sat down and went over each and every test, explaining that altough I am totally normal...except for my cholesterol, I am not optimal.  Traditional medicine doesn't care if you are optimal...as long as you are in the norm for Americans (which as we know the norm of America sucks).

I am excited to have the facts, too know what they mean and to have a plan...

doctor, doctor give me the news I got a bad case of loving youuuuu.....

It's Dr. Brust if you are interested.

Keep Going

Keep Going.  Push one foot down, then the other.  Put your head down and move into the wind.  Bring everything that is important to you along. 

Although this photo is dramatic in it's image of a person who has the heart of a lion, who is moving forward with strength and determination.  The message of the photo can apply to us all.

Gather your inner strength.  In your heart, carry only the things that will help you move forward.  Prepare and strenghten those parts of yourself that you will need as you to keep moving on the path of your own design.

Don't let difficulties keep you from pushing your pedals and moving forward.

Never give up!

Hunger

Hunger.  Many people have different ways to deal with the stress in their lives.  I know mine is to eat.  If I took the time to ask myself before I ate or drank anything, if I was really hungry...most often the answer would be NO.

I am not a binge eater...like this shark, I am a grazer...moving forward, never letting myself actually feel hunger.  So many of my habits are just what they are...habits.  Do I need a latte when I am in the car? Even non fat, sugar free it is still at least 100 extra calories.  Do I need that cocktail or wine after work...even low cal it adds another 100-200 calories. 

I eat healthy foods...just too much and I have let myself down.  Putting my excercise a little lower on the priority list.  My dad died at 49, sure he smoked, drank and ate high fat foods and workout was not a word in his generation's vocabularly.  But I know better.  I know what the outcome of his choices were.

The first time I realized that I am more than my genetic history it was because of my oldest son.  Now, my younger son has encouraged me to start planning for the Portland Marathon 2010.  I've got a year to work towards that goal and more importantly I want my life to be long, healthy and to feel good about myself.  I want to have the energy to keep up with my grandchildren and to help take care of them.

The hunger I feel...is it food or something else I want...that is the question I will answer before I take that first bite.